


Hatae [2019]

by figleaf



Category: SHINee
Genre: Alternate Universe - Military, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual OT5 friendship, Everyone likes to dig holes, Fluff and Humor, Introspective Jonghyun, Kibums are like onions, Lowkey an alternate history, M/M, Military Homophobia, Military doctor Jinki, Minho and Taemin are my most beloved pests, Minor Character Death, Occasionally sarcastic narration, Situational relationship dynamics, Swearing, Violence, but don't worry about that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2019-11-17 13:43:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 48,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18099647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/figleaf/pseuds/figleaf
Summary: Stuck serving in the army for 2 years against his will, struggling musician, Kim Jonghyun, tries to find ways to vent his frustration. Meanwhile, his captain, Kim Kibum, is perpetually frustrated by him.





	1. One

**Hi! If this fic seems familiar, it’s probably because you once read the original version, if you haven’t read the original version, please don’t, this one is much better :)**

**It's complete(ish) and around 50k, I'm just spinning it out whilst I gather the energy to write the epilogue.**   
**Full notes and forward are[here](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1393315/). Yes I know, I like their formatting options.**

 

❀

 

Jonghyun’s breath clouded against the coach’s window as he watched the raindrops flatten themselves and cling to the other side. After endless hours of driving through the mountains, their stark, grey peaks and their bare forests had become dull, subsumed by the inching mist and the deepening twilight — and Jonghyun had fallen back into his childish habit, tracing the raindrops’ paths with his fingertips as they chased one other across the glass. The more he watched, the more he came to think, despite the general uniformity in the direction of their movement, the individual droplets seemed to possess a difference in character. Some would run off the edge, flinging themselves joyfully into the spray. Some would bump into each other, merge, become heavier and more purposeful. Some would change direction, seemingly totally at random, and others would just remain still, quivering alone until moved by a yet greater force; all of them earnestly living out their brief moments of drop-hood, before their molecules disbanded and returned them to the universal, anonymous mass of water according to their fate.

Jjong blinked and turned away, he pushed up the thick frames of his military-issue glasses to rub at the bridge of his nose. He could feel a headache coming on... Perhaps, now that the light was dimming, it was time to give his eyes a break. He collapsed heavily into his headrest, wincing as the movement jarred his neck, before settling and retreating back once again into his thoughts.

He’d left his training camp far behind him at dawn, along with all his sour feelings for the place… and since then he'd spent the entire day exactly where he was now — sitting dejectedly in this hard and worryingly itchy bus seat, which was adorned with some weird, beige, fringy, crocheted bullshit, and from which an unbelievable amount dust, or maybe primordial ash, was still being shook out of, _even_ after more than 8 hours driving on bumpy roads. The wretched vehicle had already weaved its way back and forth over what felt like half the country, picking up soldiers and dropping them off again at different bases in South Korea's sprawling military network. It shouldn’t have taken more than 8 hours to drive anywhere in Korea and Jonghyun was halfway convinced that he’d missed them crossing the border at some point and was now trapped in the midst of some sinister geopolitical conspiracy to kidnap military personal and transport them secretly to China... Unlikely perhaps, but the journey seemed never-ending nonetheless and he had almost been driven to praying to God, (who he didn't even strictly believe in for fuck’s sake) that his stop would come next so that he could just . be . still . for . one . damn . second.

However Jonghyun also knew that once the bus finally did drop him off, he’d be stuck spending the better part of the next two years of his life wherever it stopped… 'wherever' being the key part of that concept. Having no choice in the matter, he’d had been forced to come to terms with the 'almost two years' part a long time ago, but like many other young men he couldn't help but feel a little bitter (ok _a lot_ bitter) that in effect he'd been handed a prison sentence for doing nothing at all wrong… Rationally he’d forever known that military service was something expected of him… Emotionally… he was maybe still working on it. Still, he was 6 weeks in now, and had shed and dried enough tears already for the whole situation to sink in a bit…

But no one had seen fit yet to tell him anything about his deployment. He had little to no information on what was actually awaiting him at his destination. He hadn’t been assigned any specialty during training (having not been particularly good at anything), and ever since he’d been given notice of his transfer, there’d been a lump of cold dread forming in the pit of his stomach over what they’d send him off to do.

Jjong was probably a little older than the average enlistee, but he’d known that that would be the case when he'd skipped enlisting earlier to pursue his music. Jjong had also skipped his last year of school to pursue his music... and more recently he'd skipped out on his old band to pursue his music solo. He knew most people looked down on him as some sort of slacker, or as a disappointment to his family. It wasn’t like that though. He’d just thought that he’d known exactly what he wanted to be, and that was a musician. Everything had come second to his music for a long time. The only things he cared about more were his mother, his sister and their dog. See, that was what was expected of him wasn’t it? Putting family and career first? Just because he’d recklessly given up his education, had no other skills or qualifications to fall back on, and no idea of what he would otherwise realistically even want to do… that didn’t make him useless… It just made him a specialist. So there... A specialist who had found himself in a tricky situation, professionally and personally, and who was now taking an opportunity to kill two birds with one stone — getting his mandatory service out of the way, whilst gaining some profound and transformative life experiences that would mature and develop him as an artist... And also waiting for everyone to forget why they didn’t like him anymore. 21 months was enough time for that… Right?

…Jjong sighed and turned his head back to blankly watch the raindrops again, now outlined by the yellow glow of the coach’s interior. Maybe he wasn't in such a hurry for this journey to end after all. But as much as he'd like to put off the inevitable, the barbed wire fences and increasing number of checkpoints that they were passing through told him that it wouldn't be possible for much longer. The feeling of being locked into a path not of his own choosing was just a feeling that he'd just have to get over. True, it was never part of Jonghyun's original plan to be in the army at this time in his life, but this was as good (or as bad) a time as any other, what was the point in resisting when he’d always been inside the trap?

 

Finally, the coach grumbled to a halt at a set of floodlit gates and the dozen or so men onboard began to stir and stretch their stiff joints as the doors hissed open.

"ATTENTION MEN! YOU HAVE REACHED YOUR FINAL DESTINATION!”

Eugh more shouting, Jonghyun had had more than enough of shouting during training.

“WHEN WE COME TO A HALT INSIDE THE BASE EVERYONE IS TO GATHER ALL OF THEIR BELONGINGS ON THE DOUBLE, EXIT THE COACH IN AN ORDERLY FASHION AND MAKE TWO LINES OUTSIDE FACING THE PLATFORM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND!?"

_"YES SIR!"_

Fuck, Jonghyun _really_ hated all the shouting…. 

He hated shouting and he hated officers and he hated rain. Cold rain was the worst rain, and this rain was so cold it felt like it'd turn to snow in a couple of days. In fact, now that he looked, Jjong thought he could see some rogue ice crystals adhering to the lens of his ugly new glasses.

Trying to peer past the offending slush, he could roughly make out an illuminated stage with three people and a flagpole on it. They looked just as wet as he did, but their body language didn’t betray any feelings about it. Huh, obviously paragons of discipline. Maybe one day, after being forced to spend a couple of months freezing to death on a barren parade ground, he too would gain get the power to suppress all signs of physical discomfort… Like a khaki ninja.

Beyond the three figures there was a small, slope with a large, rectangular building at the top, probably the Control Center. It looked surprisingly hospitable compared to some of the horror stories he'd heard about these far-flung, mountain bases. (He’d imagined he’d be enduring service entombed by draughty canvas, corrugated iron and plywood; this place definitely had _at least_ brick walls and heating pipes visible.) Around that there were sundry other buildings, all smaller, but no less solid looking, Jjong figured they were probably the barracks. A few huge vehicle sheds could just be about made out in the distance… and a couple of bushy shrubs, and bit of military hardware lying here and there. For the main part, the base seemed to be set low in a small, flat-bottomed valley, or maybe an old quarry, in the dark Jonghyun couldn't really tell for certain… but it was definitely trees and rocks, not steel and concrete, which rose up surrounding the parade ground high on either side.

"PRIVATES!" A sharp unfamiliar voice rang out, and Jjong’s eyes reflexively snapped to the front, "WELCOME TO HAETAE: 5th INFANTRY REGIMENT OF THE 4TH ARMY CORPS. MY NAME IS CAPTAIN KIM KIBUM. INCASE YOU IDIOTS WERE NOT ALERADY AWARE, YOU ARE IN INJE PROVINCE, THE MDL IS APPROXIMATELY 8KM DUE NORTH IN FRONT OF YOU AND YOU ARE HERE TO GUARD IT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

_"YES SIR!"_ The dozen or so men (boys mostly) shouted back, pretty enthusiastically all things considered. Jonghyun felt a nervous urge to vomit. Still, that answered the question of where exactly he was. It sounded like he was fated to some windswept watchtower, posted for months at a time to watch North Koreans, even more pitiful than himself, picking their noses or whatever else it is that people do when they’re guarding a minefield that no one in their right mind, or any other type of mind, would want to cross.

"GOOD. I HOPE THAT YOU WILL ALL WORK HARD AND SERVE HAPPILY." Well at least the captain managed to sound somewhat sincere, but then again, he probably got a cozy office and someone to shine his boots for him. "LIEUTANANT HAN SOOWOOK WILL TAKE YOUR NAMES AND DIRECT YOU TO YOUR NEW BILLETS. I SUGGEST THAT YOU MAKE YOUR WAY THERE AS QUICKLY AS YOU CAN." Maybe that meant they were allowed to run there to get out of the pelting rain… did he want to risk finding out?

_"YES SIR!"_ The new privates replied.

"HAETAE!"

_"HAETAE!"_

Fuck, that ridiculous salute was going to get old quickly. Pity, seeing as Jjong had always thought that haetaes were pretty cool.

The sand of the parade ground was coagulating into sticky mud around Jjong’s boots. Lieutenant Soowook, for all his imperviousness to cold rain, turned out to be a slow worker, and Jjong had to suppress the urge to hop from foot to foot in impatience. (He'd learnt the wrong way during training that that definitely _was_ a disciplinable offence.)

“Private Kim Jonghyun?”

“Yes Sir!”

“You’re assigned to Squadron 525. Wait here a second whilst I find the other who will go with you, it’s quite a long walk.”

 Damn it.

“—Private Lee Taemin?”

“Yes Sir!”

“You are also assigned to Squadron 525, go with Private Kim. Follow the path between those two trees.” He motioned vaguely to the right of the control building. “Take the left fork in the path, your new sergeant should be waiting for you in the 3rd barrack block.”

“Yes Sir!” The young, very young, private stuttered out. He was skinny and looked blue already, and Jjong thought that the faster the two of them got inside, the better. He hung back waiting for the teenager to adjust his bags and they set off together in silence towards their new home.

❀

Inside it was warm and dazzlingly bright, leaving him squinting against the light. Faced with the pristine floor, and the equally pristine man in the barrack lobby, Jonghyun suddenly felt exposed in his own bedraggled state. Dimly, he registered the green flashes on the implausible man’s shoulders, and straightened up to attention.

“PRIVATE KIM JONGHYUN AND PRIVATE LEE TAEMIN REPORTING TO SQAUDRON 525, SIR!” 

Jjong flinched at the shockingly loud noise which had exploded out from the boy next to him.

The sergeant just smiled, there was something about his bug-eyed, charming face that Jjong could not help but be irked by. His annoyingly high-up face. High up and charming and self-content. Huh...

“You’re late… And there’s no need to shout quite so loudly you know Private.”

“Yes sir.” the private replied, much, much more softly and Jjong took a second to get a proper look at his younger companion for the first time. He resembled a bony, soggy angel, blinking happily up at their new sergeant. Jonghyun couldn’t really blame him. Irksome as he _obviously_ was, the sergeant had a benign aura about him and Jjong got the feeling that the two of them had been lucky; he’d heard plenty horror stories about people stuck in the army with not-so-nice commanders… ‘not-so-nice’ being code for outright sociopathic.

The sergeant clapped his hands together. “Well… Welcome. My name is Sgt. Choi Minho. I’ll be your squadron leader for the foreseeable future and I promise to take good care of you… or at least do my best.”

The privates nodded blankly.

“By the way, which one of you is which?”

“Um… I’m Jonghyun, this is Taemin, I suppose.” 

Taemin looked a little betrayed, so Jjong smiled at him and patted him on the shoulder in what he hoped was an encouraging and brotherly fashion. It seemed to cheer him up well enough.

“Good” Minho Beamed. “And now we have that sorted—“ He said, leading them off through one of the sets of fire-doors, chattering happily and pointing out the useful rooms as they went.

“Now this is us, room 525. Do you remember how you got here?”

“…”

“No of course you don’t, I took the scenic route. Don’t worry about it, you’ll have it all down in no time.” Minho swung the door open to reveal a long, spartan dorm. Along each light grey wall there were wide, laminate sleeping platforms with shelving units hung above for equipment and the small number of permitted personal items. It was completely generic and spotless and without any hint of the individuality of its inhabitants. Even the soldiers’ different pairs of shoes were all arranged in identical orders under their sections.

In perfect contrast to the rigid orderliness of their surroundings, the men themselves were all sprawled haphazardly across the far end of the room, surrounded by chip packets and magazines, their eyes glued to a girl group dancing in perfect synchronisation on a small television. Jonghyun suddenly felt like being sick again. Being faced suddenly with his new comrades reminded him of every first day he’d ever had at a new school… Except after school he could still go home to the same house and the same family and the same bedroom… this… this was his life now. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week… for the next 90 weeks.

_“Ahem.”_ Minho announced their presence and the men seemed to notice them for the first time. To Jonghyun’s relief they actually looked… _kinda_ keen to meet them. He’d had never had any trouble ingratiating himself with new people when he needed to… But groups of strangers with already established interpersonal dynamics and a strong sense of loyalty, with whom you were expected to live, sleep and work with from now on, who could easily ostracize you and make your life a living hell and who you couldn’t escape no matter how much you hypothetically didn’t like them… That was a bit much.

“This is Kim Jonghyun and Lee Taemin, our new brothers in arms. Here to replace Jinil and Chuljin”

“Oh, we’ll work hard to be good replacements for them.” Jonghyun bowed hastily.

“Don’t worry about it mate, they were dicks.”

Minho gave the private who had spoken out a hard stare before bounding on. “Jonghyun, Taemin… This is Private Jiwoon, Corporal Kim Dongmin, Privates Oh Jihyung, Kwon Seungdae and Park Yongbin… They won’t bite you know, no matter how rude _some of them_ might be. No need to look so worried.” The tall bastard actually winked.

Jonghyun thought he was probably right though, they did all look harmless enough, much like any other bunch of college age guys. Certainly not like hardened men of action, or ruthless trained killers, or… er, biters? He hoped that none of them snored too badly either, because that was a much more immediate threat to his health and sanity.

“You can get to know them better later,” Said Minho, tapping his watch. “But right now I suggest that you drop your things and go straight to the showers before lights out… Go on, I pointed it out earlier, second door on the left! And don’t worry about your things, it’s your first night, we’ll sort it this time —“

They didn’t really have to be told twice, a hot shower sounded amazing.

 

All in all Jonghyun thought that he could have done a lot worse. He wasn’t quite ready to pronounce his military stint to be the highlight of his life just yet… Or even close to it, but by the time he’d left the showers he was in a much better mood than when he’d left Incheon that morning. Not that that was so difficult.

When he got back to room 525 all of his things had been put neatly away in one of the spare storage units, and his bedroll had been lain out for him alongside everyone else’s. The rest of the squadron were all laying about the place in an almost comically domestic fashion, and at least half of them cooing over poor Taemin, who was clearly a much faster washer than Jjong himself was.

“Hey Jonghyun! You took your time.”

“We thought you’d drowned!”

“Look, isn’t Taemin cute, he’s the new youngest. What’s your age?”

“Yah! Don’t call me cute! I thought that age wasn’t s’posed to matter in the army!” Taemin protested, even though it was useless, everyone seemed to have already decided for him.

“So cute~” Jonghyun agreed. Any one could see that Taemin was weirdly adorable and Jjong sensed that this might be an on-going source of frustration for him… the poor boy wasn’t even straight out of school like he’d fist assumed.

“Leave him alone guys.” Interrupted the sergeant. “We’re all equal here as you well know… except for me… I’m in charge.” Everyone erupted into laughter. “Hey! No insubordination! _I_ _am_ _completely in charge_ and lights go out in 30 seconds. So if you don’t all shut up go to bed and shut up I’ll be forced to prove it… So there.”

Jonghyun could practically see Minho fighting back the urge to stick his tongue out, he seemed like such a kid at heart. Jjong couldn’t imagine how he’d managed to rise up to the highest conscripted rank with such a laid-back attitude… but maybe Minho was different in front of the professional officers. He wondered if it would feel like a betrayal when the time inevitably came that he’d have to be disciplined by him, and Minho would make to run laps or scrub floors or something. Maybe it’d be better because he’d know the younger sergeant didn’t mean to be mean?

Rank was something that Jjong just couldn’t understand yet at all, there was no end to how much it disturbed him. When he’d chosen to go into music he’d chosen to avoid the daily hierarchy of a corporate existence. The thought that people chose this, this more extreme form, as a way of life?… The thought that he had no choice but to be a part of it… he just couldn’t grasp it. During his six weeks basic training he had gotten into endless trouble for not following orders properly. It just wasn’t a thing that he’d had to do since leaving school so many years before… or whilst he was at school for that matter... It had in fact crossed his mind several times so far, as it wandered with the coach ever further up into the mountains, that his remote, northern posting might be a reflection on the apparent “lack of discipline, aptitude and plain common sense" he'd shown over the last six weeks’ training. Better to keep the embarrassing ones out of harm’s way... or maybe give them tough conditions to harden them up and make them into 'real men'... Who knew? The army seemed to be pretty weird like that. Or maybe Jonghyun was the one that was out of step? Maybe he was the one missing out on something that everybody else found natural?

However, as he snuggled down into his bedroll, he managed to push all of those thoughts to one side. Really, he was better off now than he had been when the day started… and although he hadn’t held up much hope of being able to sleep on his first night in the real army, his exhaustion claimed him quickly for the first time in what felt like months.

 

❀

 


	2. Two

 

❀

 

The next day was clear and brilliantly cold, and Jonghyun could see his breath crystallising in the air in front of him as he went through the motions of stretching. They’d all been woken before dawn by the bell, harassed into their sports kit, and out of the barracks for a pre-breakfast run. This was to happen every day for the foreseeable future. Jjong didn’t exactly mind. Despite all his alleged ‘incompetence’ as a recruit, he was actually in quite good physical shape (and not at all proud of it, oh no, heaven forbid) Being forced outside first thing every morning also meant that he wouldn’t ever have to make small talk with his squad-mates before he was properly conscious… which was probably for the best as he’d never been what you would call a morning person.

At first it appeared that Minho was even less of a morning person than he was. When the bell went off the sergeant had groggily shouted at it to ‘go fuck’ itself and then rolled over, snoring stubbornly, before a couple members of the squadron gotten up and tipped him out of his bedding onto the floor. However, just 10 seconds later and he’d somehow managed to do a 180° turnabout to being the most awake person in the room, jumping up, as bright eyed as if he’d already awake for hours, and ordering everyone else around before roll call… This seemed to be the accepted routine.

As far as Jonghyun could tell, his first impression of his new home had been pretty accurate. The Fifth Infantry was indeed based in a compact, flat-bottomed valley, almost like a crater, with steep slopes at the edges covered in pine trees and rocky outcrops. Concrete watchtowers jutted out from the tops of the surrounding ridges and the perimeter fences seemed to either be hidden amongst the foliage, or on the far side of the hills. The camp was somewhat bigger than he had first thought, with more buildings than he’d been able to make out in the rain and low orange light of the previous evening. The majority of the visible space below was taken up by the parade ground, stretches of scrubby grass, and big yellow puddles; there also seemed to be more facilities further down the tracks which ran out of the camp along the valley floor in either direction. Their barrack was right on the edge of the encampment, part way up one of the slopes, and it looked smaller than any of the others that Jjong could see — the other barracks being easily identified by the huddled groups of men outside of them, all jogging restlessly on the spot, keeping themselves warm until they could get going. There were maybe only 120 men, including the officers present in theirs’, and Jonghyun idly wondered if that had any special significance, but it probably didn’t.

Turning to look more closely at his company, Jjong’s eyes were drawn to a figure that he somehow recognised as the captain who’d greeted them on the parade ground. He was surprised to have recognised him at all, as he was hardly paying him much attention yesterday. Hell, he’d hardly been able to see him yesterday through the rain, but now that he was closer… Jonghyun could see that the man was rather attractive. Maybe he’d somehow checked him out subconsciously and set the information aside for later use... was that a thing the brain could do when stressed? It sounded like the kind of thing that might work as some kind of evolutionary advantage the impossibility of homosexual reproduction notwithstanding… the man in front of him was certainly striking enough to be memorable to Jonghyun under normal circumstances.

Even in the unforgiving morning light, the best word that Jjong could come up with to describe the captain was ‘neat.’ Of course they were all _neat._ Neatly dressed, neatly shaven etc. etc. But standing next to the squat and grizzled sergeant major, the captain seemed to possess neatness on a transcendent level. He just looked oddly perfect, like a computer simulation of a model officer, refined and polished down to the slightest detail. There was no feature on his face that was strange, or incongruent or even particularly uncommon, it was the way that the whole image fit so seamlessly together so as to come off almost artificial. He looked like he probably measured the angle of his beret with a protractor…

The sergeant major cleared his throat, rudely interrupting Jonghyun’s line of thought. “RIGHT YOU PATHETIC BUNCH OF COCKROACHES!” Oh, when would Officers become agreeable, normal, polite people?

“WE’LL USE THE NORMAL ROUTE, SHOW YESTERDAY’S NEW RECRUITS HOW WE DO IT!”

“YES SIR!”

“NEW ROACHES!”

“YES SIR!” — Jonghyun was about to mumble until he remembered that that only meant himself and Taemin. A lucky escape.

“I HOPE YOU CAN HANDLE ROUGH TERRAIN, BECAUSE IF YOU TRIP OVER ANY ROOTS NO ONE IS CARRYING YOU BACK. DON’T FALL BEHIND.”

“YES SIR!”

“WHAT ARE YOU ALL WAITING FOR? GET YOUR FLABBY ASSES MOVING... NOW!”

Jonghyun thought that he spotted the captain rolling his eyes… although he was probably mistaken. He hadn’t had much to do with the commissioned ranks yet, but he knew that a captain as young as this one looked had absolutely no place questioning a sergeant major if he wanted to get on. This captain… what had his name been… Kim? He _did_ look like the type to be stuck up, but he definitely didn’t look reckless or like a rebel...

Once they’d gotten moving Jjong found that, despite the sergeant major’s gruff warnings, the pace wasn’t challenging at all. 6 weeks of training had him as fit as he’d ever been and he easily caught up to Minho — who didn’t look like he was finding this any more strenuous than a lazy stroll.

“Minho…Sir? I just wanted to say thank you for last night.”

“Oh! No problem! You seem well this morning... Is there anything more we can do for you?”

“You’re being serious aren’t you?”

“Yeah, of course I am…” Minho looked honestly confused. “Why?”

“Nothing” Jonghyun chuckled, “I just never expected someone famous to be so considerate… and I apologise for ever thinking otherwise.”

Minho laughed, “By your behaviour, I couldn’t even tell you thought that! There’s nothing to apologise for—“

“Hold on a second.” They hadn’t noticed Taemin keeping pace nearby. “But I’m a little confused… isn’t Jonghyun hyung the famous one?”

“Eh???”

“Kim Jonghyun, bass player of Blue Night, you were my favourite member but then you left, I have all your albums — and I was really looking forwards to your solo work… but… But this is really awkward isn’t it?”

Jonghyun didn’t quite know how to react to Taemin’s gushing, “…Wow. You knnow _me?_ Should I recognize you from gigs or something?”

“You’re a musician?” Asked Minho.

“Yes, erm, well I _was_ a musician. Not a very successful one though…”

Taemin looked horrified at his tone.

“Cheer up Minnie, I’m thankful that at least one person knows me… What else do you listen to?”

“Oh tons of cool stuff—”

Taemin really was too cute, Jonghyun felt cheered, and if he knew lots about obscure indie bands... well that was great, he’d have someone to talk to about his favourite subject.

“—But don’t call me Minnie.”

❀

 

“So who _is_ Minho anyway? You never told me.” Taemin had been badgering Jonghyun about music all morning, not that he’d minded... but he wasn’t really ready to answer some of the younger’s more probing questions. Some wounds were just a bit fresh and it was still only about half past nine — breakfast time in the cafeteria.

“You really don’t recognise him? Not at all?” Jjong answered, pleased to be able to change the subject onto something other than himself. “Not even from CFs?”

“Nope.” Taemin shook his head.

“Our illustrious sergeant is a famous actor and the nation’s favorite heartthrob.” Said Yongbin, the squadron’s former junior member. He seemed pretty pleased to have Taemin around and had been trying to give him advice whenever he could. Jjong thought it was sweet, but that it probably wouldn’t last long. He suspected that Taemin was quite wily in his own way and would be over needing any help very quickly.

“Oh… Really??”

“Is it really _that_ surprising?” Interrupted the man in question as he set his tray down and took a seat with them.

“Yes, no… Wait, hang on… are you trying to say that you’re handsome Sir? So handsome that such a claim is un-doubtable?”

“Haha! He has you there Sergeant! He’s a wily one.” Hollered someone from across the table. See, wily.

“Am I not handsome Dongmin?”

“Don’t ask me, I’m a man, how should I know?”

Minho pouted and looked down at his rice looking sort of hurt, yet another a poor victim of actor disease.

Jonghyun, for some godforsaken reason, thought that it would be a good idea to get involved at this point. “But Minho really is quite famous though. He was in ‘To The Beautiful You’, and ‘Medical Top Team’, and ‘Because It’s The First Time’, and—”

“Wow Jjong, you must really know your dramas! Are you a big fan of the sergeant?” Taemin replied. The cheeky shit.

“Well my mum and my sister watch them…” Jonghyun crossed his arms defensively, “I just have to hear about them a lot ok.” 

“So you don’t have a girlfriend?”

“Not currently, why? What makes you say that?”

“No reason.” Taemin hummed innocently. “You just seem like the lonely romantic type hyung… hanging out with your mum, following all of the sergeant’s cheesy sounding dramas...”

“And have _you ever_ had a girlfriend Minnie? Or just a body pillow with a picture of your waifu on it?”

Taemin squeaked “I’m not a virgin!” He spluttered.

“Sure?”

“ _God_ you are going to be so much more fun than the last two.”

Jonghyun decided that morning that Minho was entirely too thrilled by the prospect of chaos to ever be a real sergeant.

❀

 

That afternoon, Jonghyun quickly learnt that Minho didn’t like chaos half as much when it meant that his team were coming in last place.

After chores and lunch, the squadron had changed into their combat gear and been led out to the back of the base for training exercises. So far this had involved them, and several other squadrons, racing each other to get as wet, muddy and bruised as humanly possible, whilst dragging equipment through an assault course. Much to Jonghyun’s embarrassment he’d fallen into 3 yellow puddles (which were all deeper than they looked) and twice had to be hauled over walls by his teammates (and it wasn’t that he was too short to get over them by himself — he just wasn’t very springy, alright). Meanwhile, Minho had been loosing his rag bit by bit because of his newly slowed down team, and was valiantly attempting to calm himself down by muttering, ‘This is the object of the exercise, this is the object of the exercise…’ under his breath. Jonghyun pretended not to have noticed, but he still felt oddly guilty for his role in the poor man’s looming panic attack.

“SERGEANT CHOI MINHO! WHY IS YOUR TEAM FALLING BEHIND?”

In contrast, Captain Kibum, who was leading the drill, seemed to be taking a perverse glee in Minho’s pseudo-breakdown… Jonghyun felt like punching his smug, perfectly balanced, face.

“Just teething troubles…Sir. Nothing to worry about.” replied Minho, gritting his teeth.

“Are you sure sergeant? Because the losers have to bring all the kit back to base… and clean every last piece.” He added, impassive except for a tauntingly raised eyebrow.

“YES SIR!”

“Good.” Kibum replied simply, before slinking off with a smirk on his lips, leaving Minho to shout _more_ orders at them in a doomed attempt at regaining order.

“Wow, what a bastard.” Jonghyun observed, but Taemin, his partner for now, seemed to have spaced out. “I SAID WHAT a bas— Tae— _TAEMIN_?” Still no reply. The kid really had gone somewhere else… A mischievous thought crossed Jjong’s mind, and before he knew it he’d hit him square in the chest with a ball of mud.

“Yah!” Taemin came crashing back to the land of the living “—What the fuck was that for???”

“CHOI MINHO! KEEP YOUR PATHETIC TEAM IN ORDER!”  Jonghyun had never cringed so hard in his life. Caught red yellow(ish) handed, and on his first full day…

“PRIVATE KIM, JUST WHAT DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING?”

“SIR! SORRY! SIR!” The captain was suddenly right up in his face, Jjong could feel the cold rage radiating off him and he felt his face burn as was forced to look a couple of centimetres up to meet the captain’s eyes.

“Do you not take this seriously?” He said, worryingly calmly.

Jonghyun had to think hard about the double negative in that question “SIR! NO! SIR!”

“THIS DOES NOT MAKE FOR A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION. DROP AND GIVE ME 50.”

It was unpleasant doing press ups with mud squelching between his fingers, but it could have been worse. Jjong’s pride felt more damaged than anything else. It wasn’t a nice feeling to be made to literally tremble in your boots as an adult.

“SERGEANT—”

“YES SIR!” Minho replied. Jonghyun could hear the wince in his voice.

“Don’t let that happen again.”

“Whatever _Sir_...”

Wait, what?

He couldn’t see what was happening, his eyes were fixed obediently on the ground… but there was no angry retort from the captain. Nothing at all to be heard except for the thudding vibrations of him stomping away. Minho didn’t say anything either. Jonghyun felt like he needed to check that he hadn’t somehow slipped sideways into a parallel universe – not that he knew how he’d check – maybe that’s where Taemin had been visiting a second ago. Maybe the fabric of reality was thin here… he didn’t bloody know.

“You realise you’ve done more than 50 of those right?

“Oh?” Jonghyun replied blankly and got back to his feet, wiping his hands clean against his trousers. “Thank you Sir.” Once Minho’s back was turned Jonghyun decided to question one of his teammates, “You don’t think that was a bit odd do you?”

“What? Captain Kibum trying to rip you a new one? Definitely not.” Said Jihyung. Jjong thought it was Jihyung, names were still a bit foggy.

“No… that I anticipated… I meant the way he was with the sergeant just now…”

“Nah, no big deal, don’t worry ‘bout it. The captain’s just a big fan of Sergeant Choi’s dramas” Jihyung winked.

Jonghyun felt like he was missing something important.

❀

 

By dinnertime Jjong was exhausted. The canteen was once again full of the clatter and chatter of tired and hungry men as everyone wolfed down their evening meal.

By some miracle they’d managed not to lose the challenge earlier, yet they’d still been roped into helping clear up. Minho had insisted that helping out was a matter of loyalty and comradeship. Dongmin had told Jonghyun that it was because the real losing team were on canteen duty that week and that Minho having two deserts on his tray was no coincidence. Kibum had said that it was because, even though they hadn’t come dead last, they would have done so against any other set of teams and therefore they still deserved to lose. Jjong actually believed all three explanations to a degree.

“So, Jonghyun, almost 24 hours, you still ok?” Asked Minho.

“Yeah, I haven’t even cried yet.”

“Is that surprising?”

“Yes, very.” Jjong replied whilst shovelling food into his mouth. He was actually pretty pleased with himself, 24 hours was amazing under the circumstances, but then again, the 12 hours previous to that had been a total wash out so…

 “How long before you dissolve into a blubbering wreck then?”

“Oh, first time I call home for sure... I’ll probably drown myself and half the company.”

“I’ll watch out for it.” Minho offered companionably. “What are your family like?”

“I have a mother, and an older sister. We’re very close. I still live…d with them. That’s about it really.” He waited for the inevitable question about his father, but thankfully it never came and they reverted back to a comfortable silence.

“Hey Minho…”

“Yep.”

“The captain?”

“Kibum? What about him? Are you worried about him shouting at you?”

“No, I’m used to it… basic training…” waiting for Minho to nod understandingly. “He didn’t really shout at you though?” Jjong added tentatively, but something in his tone must still have gotten the other’s back up because the sergeant’s whole demeanour closed off.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Christ nothing.” Said Jonghyun shocked at the sudden and unexpected change. “What did you think I was trying to say?”

“Nothing.”

“Then what’s—“

“Nothing.” Minho cut him off. “It’s just that Kibum and I know each other… It’s not really something that’s appropriate to discuss.”

“Okay.” Said Jjong simply, and left it there. He could tell that pushing the issue now wouldn’t be a good idea. Maybe he’d find out later—

_“Hey! Check out Taeminnie!”_ Came a cry from down the other end of the table. Minho and Jonghyun glanced around to see what was going on and both instantly cracked up, the atmosphere completely restored. The boy man was leaning against one of the vending machines, trying desperately to look cool and unbothered whilst his arm was stuck up inside it. Needless to say it wasn’t totally working out for him.

_“What are you doing in there Taemin?_

“I lost my wallet.”

_“… How even?...”_

_“Maybe it’s better not to ask.”_

_“That’s one hell of a special skill.”_

_“Maybe he’s related to the doc.”_

Jonghyun decided to use the distraction to change the subject. “Jeez, he seems so young for his age.”

Taemin noticed them laughing at him and glared back, it wasn’t particularly intimidating.

“Haha! I know! Or maybe we’re old.”

“You play high school kids though!?” Jonghyun said, trying to be tease the other.

“Not any more I don’t.”

“Huh? That sounds like a scoop.”

“Sorry, no comment, you’ll have to ask my manager for an official statement on that.”

“And where do I get his number from?”

“Ha, fine.” said Minho, tapping his fingers on the table as he thought. “I think the main reason why I joined up early, rather than holding it off like most people would, was because I kept only being offered school age roles. I thought that if I went away for a bit, did my service, changed my image, that when I came back people would finally want to cast me as an adult.”

“Ohhh, that makes sense I guess... You’re not scared that people will forget you at all?”

“Hey! I’ve been here for almost a year and a half and _you_ still know who I am!”

_“—Barely!”_ called an eavesdropper.

“SHUT UP SEUNGDAE!”

“Really, that long?” Jonghyun continued, ignoring the other rowdy soldiers. “It seems like only yesterday my sister was sobbing over the morning news.”

“Ok, I might have a bit of an ego, but even I know that that must be an exaggeration.”

“~But how would you know? She could be a demented saesang who got me assigned here and is blackmailing me into posting her your old socks!”

“Oh haha. And maybe Taeminnie is your crazed super-fan and we’ll catch him sniffing your pillow.”

“Nice try, but if I had super-fans then I wouldn’t be here. It’s hardly like I’m an idol.”

“Would you want to be?” Minho asked.

“Nooo, that’d be like being in a cross between my old band and being here. No creative freedom, _and_ no physical freedom. I just want to write my own songs and be able to make a living from it.” Minho just nodded understandingly and smiled at him, their previous awkwardness long forgotten already.

 

o ᚂ

 

After dinner had been cleared and most of the camp’s inhabitants had been let off on their private time, Sergeant Minho could be found hanging about in the officers’ sleeping quarters. Was he supposed to be there? Hell no. But this had been his bi-weekly habit ever since Kibum had arrived on base as a lieutenant just weeks after he had. Sneaking in and out wasn’t very difficult, his legs were more than long enough to climb through the ground floor windows... and besides, he and Kibum very much doubted anyone was keeping a watch on the place.

Neither of them could exactly remember when or why they’d started inviting Dr Lee along, but he was there too. And as another captain, he required no sneaking… which was probably for the best, seeing as he wasn’t exactly renowned for his stealth.

 The captain’s quarters were pretty sparse, yet still far more luxurious than the dormitories of the regular soldiers. There was a single iron bed, a desk, a chair, a lockable cupboard and a sink, and if Kibum had had anyone inspecting it, it would have been perfectly neat and clean. However he didn’t, and there was a large variety of personal debris littered over every available surface. Needless to say it was more than a little cramped for the three adult men, but nobody minded because it was private and because Kibum had somehow still managed to keep it smelling nice. He was very proud about that little detail.

Kibum took a sip of his grape juice and screwed up his face at the watery taste. “I know this looks like wine, but it’s really not the same.”

“If you wanted to become a full time alcoholic then you shouldn’t have joined the Army. I seem to remember warning you about it at the time.” Replied Minho.

“I didn’t know how important it’d be to me back then~”

Minho stuck his tongue out at him. “Well it’s bad for you anyway.”

“Actually European studies have found that a small glass of red wine a day is beneficial to health.”

“…See! Even Jinki agrees with me. Thank you Jinki.”

Minho had to be a bastard and state the inconvenient truth, “Well it doesn’t change the fact that we don’t have any in here. If you want some you’ll have to steal it from the officers’ mess.”

“Huh. I guess so… Or Jinki and I could just go and hang out there without you.”

The doctor seemed to sense trouble and decide that it’d be a good time to change the subject. “How’re your new privates settling in Minho? You seem to like them.”

“I do… I think they’ll be fine.” Replied the sergeant with a proud smile.

“We’re supposed to be getting a lot more soon” Said Kibum, still feeling sullen. He didn’t want to talk about Minho’s new recruits. He’d already decided that neither had anything between their ears and one was far too annoying ~~ly attractive~~ for his own good… and _his_ own good. Everyone’s good really.

“Hmm?”

“There’s talk amongst the top-brass of expanding operations along the SLL. The 6th battalion has already been given 300 more men, we’re due similar, if not more.”

“How strange… What’s that all about? Where are we going to keep them all?” Asked Jinki.

“Eh, they’re not sure yet. Maybe get some pre-fabs; they’re not telling me anything. There’s probably been some intel come in somewhere about Northern defections increasing. I don’t know what else they’d need men on the ground up here for.”

“How funny—“

There was a sharp knock at the door, startling the room’s occupants. Minho got up silently and quickly folded himself into the corner behind the doorframe.

“Captain Kim Sir?” Came the voice of a sergeant from outside.

Kibum checked that Minho was hidden… and Jinki tried his best to act ‘natural’. “Enter.”

“Sir!” Saluted a self-satisfied looking little sergeant. “There’s a problem in the Kitchen sir! — The two new conscripts in Sgt. Choi’s squadron have been caught stealing sir.”

“So?” Replied Kibum, somewhat unprofessionally, not that this particular sergeant would dare to pull him up on it. He was far too eager for his approval… Kibum couldn’t bear him. “Then go find Choi, he can deal with it if they’re his men.”

“Sorry sir. He’s nowhere to be found sir!”

Kibum could feel Jinki vibrating beside him, trying to contain a fit of the giggles; he needed to get the sergeant out of there. “Fine.” He replied, putting on a show of rolling his eyes back, “I’ll be along in a minute.”

“Sir! Yes Sir!” Saluted the sergeant as he scurried off back to where he’d come from.

“I knew they were trouble.” Stated the captain as he got up and dusted himself off, leaving Jinki to collapse laughing on the bed whilst he straightened out the creases in his trousers and reached for his beret…

“—Actually I doubt this was their idea.” Said Minho conversationally as they together walked over to the kitchens. (They’d left Jinki where he was to finish off the not-wine.)

“Explain.”

“It’s just an initiation thing we’ve got… a bit of hazing. To sneak into the kitchens and steal a carrot… All the enlistees do it… I did it too…”

“What do you do with the carrot?”

“You don’t want to know.”

Kibum looked unimpressed, sometimes he thought that he missed the presence of women more than any man in the camp. “Eugh, conscripts. If they’re going to be silly, they could at last avoid getting caught.“ That way he wouldn’t have to spend so much time thinking about how to discipline them, which was very distracting business… And as for why anyone would want to be nearer carrots than absolutely necessary— He swung open the Kitchen door and marched in, Minho following two steps behind him, just as he should.

 “So… What do we have here then sergeant?” He looked around the room imperiously.

“Sir! These were the men caught stealing food sir!” Said the smug one from earlier, not daring to ask where Kibum had conjured Minho from, poor guy probably thought that he had sinister magical Choi summoning skills. Good. They better believe that.

“Is this true?” The captain turned on the sorry looking privates.

The new recruits, Jonghyun and Taemin, had for some reason been cuffed to one of the cafeteria benches and were looking half terrified, half just irritated. Doubtless the sergeant hadn’t held back on the pompous act when impressing upon them the seriousness and magnitude of their petty crime. The handcuffs were totally over the top… Kibum almost sighed; little people did love their power trips. It wasn’t as if they’d been caught stealing bullets, or chemicals, or even something decent like pudding.

“Yes sir.” They replied.

“Why were you stealing?”

“We wanted a carrot sir. We’re very fond of them you see... sir.” Said the short one from before, Jonghyun. Obviously Kibum was not convinced, Jonghyun hadn’t put any effort into that excuse at all and it didn’t help that the other had made a clear expression of disgust. Still… Kibum decided that he wanted to see how far they’d go to protect their team.

“I don’t believe you. Did your squadron put you up to this?”

“No sir.”

“Are you certain about that? You could get in a lot of trouble for stealing you know.”

“Yes sir.”

“~Fine….” Kibum looked sideways at their sergeant. So they were lying, that didn’t matter this time, it was just a carrot for fuck’s sake. Loyalty and holding up under questioning were important skills anyway… “Sergeant Minho.”

“Yes sir?” He looked wary, also good, Kibum liked it when he made Minho nervous.

“Your men need more training! They’re not nearly stealthy enough if they can’t even get a vegetable out of the kitchens without being caught! You and your squadron are to spend all next Sunday doing extra practice!” Haha, poor, sweet Minho looked stricken. But ultimately this was his fault for allowing this kind of crap, so he wasn’t allowed to complain.

 

❀


	3. Three

 

❀

 

A few weeks in, and Jonghyun had thoroughly settled into the routine of camp life. He now knew as well as anyone else which the dodgy showers were, where to find a free dryer at almost any time, and most importantly, which duty officers to avoid at all costs. On the first day, before breakfast, he and Taemin had been called into the Major’s office to be formally welcomed, and told that they were part of the regiment’s reserve reconnaissance section. That suited Jjong fine, he’d never fancied driving a tank anyway (lies, he’d totally wanted to drive a tank… or a really big artillery gun… just so long as he never had to fire it at anyone).

He’d phoned home three times so far — he would have phoned more if his mother hadn’t banned him on the grounds of, ‘you’re a big boy don’t be so clingy, go enjoy yourself and make friends with the others’. Minho had watched out for him the first time he called, just as he’d promised, and he’d gotten his shirt soaked all the way through to the skin for his troubles. He’d taken it well. Anyway Jonghyun had heard that a salt bath was good for relaxing muscles, and Minho’s chest was very um… muscular, so it probably did him good. The second time he’d called home he’d deemed it essential to tell his sister about the whole experience in graphic detail.

The rest of Jjong’s team had grown on him too (even if he found himself wishing that they’d just shut up and/or piss off several times a day. Living with men really was er different) and he wasn’t looking forwards at all to the time when they’d all finish their service and just he and Taemin would be left behind in charge of the new enlistees. That seemed really bizarre, to think that they would eventually be the most senior troops around.

Overall, Jonghyun realized he’d imagined that he would probably feel lonelier than he actually felt now. A couple of days ago he’d watched the first snow fall with a group of men that he barely knew — but listening to them all talk about where they’d rather be, who they’d rather be with, and what they’d rather be doing, had made him realise that he was experiencing something that every other man in Korea would… and Jjong often felt better about difficult things once he’d found a more philosophical angle to look at them from. Or perhaps those kinds of thoughts just ran around his head less once he’d tied them up in more poetic sounding phrasing, it was difficult to tell. He hadn’t shared that side of himself with his team yet though… He’d be willing to bet that they’d poke fun at him for being pretentious. Even if they didn’t mean any harm by it, Jjong didn’t fancy either his ‘artistic soul’ (his sister’s words) or his coping mechanisms being made fun of, not just yet…

…‘Snow’ and ‘coping’ were however _not_ two concepts that went together for him in this current situation. In fact ‘snow’ was currently more closely aligned with the concept ‘horrible’ and ‘coping’ very firmly prefixed with the modifier ‘not’ — as it turned out that first snow of the year felt much less romantic when you happened to be lying, belly-down in it.

Squadrons 520-529 were doing combat training today. They’d been split into two teams, one ‘defending’ one of the base’s watchtowers, and another attacking from below. 525 were on the attacking side… and Jonghyun was trying to take their dismal lack of success so far as evidence that South Korea was in fact very well prepared to defend its border in an invasion scenario. The defending team clearly had the easier job anyway… because who on earth thought that climbing an icy, 40º slope under gunfire (blanks of course), was easier than sitting at the top of an icy 40º slope and firing at the silly people trying not to slide down. That was obviously unfair… He also suspected that the supervising officer was biased.

“PRIVATE KIM JONGHYUN WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” Oh great, just what he needed right now. Captain fussy.

Captain Kibum had been on his back all day with his, ‘Get down!’, ‘What the hell are you doing!?’, ‘If this was a real combat situation you’d be completely fucked.’ bullshit. How could he know that Jonghyun would be completely fucked anyway? It wasn’t as if he’d ever been in a ‘real combat situation’ either… And besides, the captain made him distracted sometimes. Which was very unfair too.

“Why aren’t you hiding behind the right side of the tree?”

Well that made no sense. “Is this not the right side?” Jjong replied, far too informally.

“You are on the _left_.” Jjong could hear the disdain dripping from the commander’s voice.

“… Trees don’t have a right and a left. They’re round.”

He also should have known when to quit, but he could never resist trying to provoke the captain into letting his composure slip, even if just for a second. Over the last few weeks he had found that it was deeply satisfying to wrong-foot the other man when he could manage it. And who said he had a chronic problem with authority? Kibum was stuffy and strict as hell, but Jonghyun had also found out that the man was really amusingly easy to fluster. Too many times Kibum had been forced by Jjong’s uselessness at this or that, into giving him ‘special’ attention, and Jonghyun knew it was kind of masochistic to insight extra punishments from the captain, but he also couldn’t help himself. It was like Kibum was a wire fence with a big warning sign on it saying ‘Electrified! Do not touch’: tempting to poke, especially once you found out that all you got from it was a little zap.

“Oh for fuck’s sake…. Are you left or right handed?” Said Kibum, motioning with his hands. He obviously thought that Jonghyun was so simple by now, that he needed to resort to acting instructions out.

“I’m both.”

“Ugh. Of course you would be… What hand are you holding your weapon in?”

Jonghyun could maybe see how he was annoying.

“My left.”

“Right… So you need to be looking out from the right side of the tree, because if you look out from the left, your body is exposed and the tree is in the way of your gun. If you look from the right, your body is covered and your gun is free. Understand?”

“I think so sir, but I’m just a bit disorientated by the noise of the guns, I think it’s because I have sensi— sorry I mean Yes SIR!”

“Good,” Kibum nodded, exasperated. ”Get on with it then. Your have about 2 minutes left to reach your objective.”

Jonghyun dashed out from behind the tree and skittered sideways along the hillside, trying to keep as low as possible in the scrubby undergrowth. He knew that Kibum would be watching for anything to pick on later, and he decided he’d rather not give the captain an excuse to give him extra washing up duties or whatever today.

His task was to relay messages back and forth amongst the platoon whilst they were in simulated radio silence. The reasoning behind him having this particular job was apparently that he was ‘a crap shot’ but, ‘a small target’. He didn’t really appreciate it. Not just because of the implied insult, but because the noise of gunfire coming at him from all angles made him really dizzy. Not ideal when you’re trying to find people… camouflaged people... who are also hiding. Luckily he now had a clear line of sight to just where he needed to be.

Diving headfirst into the shell scoop, he found Minho and one of the company medics, (Captain Lee, known to everyone as Dr Onew for some reason) engrossed in something that looked suspiciously like a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, and not really paying attention to anything at all.

“PRIVATE KIM JONGHYUN REPORTING. SIRS!”

“Hey there. How’s it going?” Lee Jinki was even more easygoing than Minho, it probably had something either to do with him ranking equally to Kibum and therefore having nothing to fear from him, or to do with him being a doctor… or just with him being himself. Jonghyun had only met him a couple of times before, when he’d gone into the infirmary to fetch things on errands. This was the first time he’d seen him out in the field as an officer, and his full gear didn’t look at all incongruous on him like Jjong would have guessed from the doctor’s everyday, white-coated, bespectacled appearance and rabbity smile.

“Awful thanks, but Captain’s probably on his way, so maybe stop that.”

“Ah, thanks.”

“What’s the message Jjong?” Asked Minho.

“Right… umm the ‘enemy’ are setting off a tear gas canister sometime in the next 5 minutes, you need to be ready to respond.”

“Fuck it, I hate that one. You haven’t heard if they’re doing it properly or not have you? Or if it’ll just be pigment?”

Minho giggled at hearing Jinki swear.

“I may or may not have heard that they’ve mixed in a little CS.” Kibum said, dropping into the hide behind Jjong making him jump a bit. “Just enough to tingle.”

“I wish they wouldn’t.” The doctor grumbled. “We don’t know if anyone’s allergic yet.”

Kibum just shrugged.

“You wouldn’t be like that if you were the one who had to deal with all the snot afterwards.”

Jonghyun suddenly felt a little like an outsider, observing that the three of them seemed strangely at ease with one another for people with such different personalities… But then again, Jinki and Kibum probably saw each other a lot in the Officer’s Mess after duty… and Minho and Jinki, now that he thought about it, were too nice not to get along… And from the bits and pieces Minho had let slip, Jjong had gathered that he and Kibum must have known each other before he enlisted, so probably went a long way back.

“Maybe that’s the point—“ replied Minho grimly. “Oh! And there it is—“

There was a hissing noise from above, and then a lot of fervent cursing as a pink cloud appeared between the trees over the highest ridge, looking for all the world like it might be from some artsy music video shoot. Jinki and Minho snapped on their gasmasks and jumped out to deal with it, leaving Jonghyun alone with the captain… It was a bit awkward. Jjong had no idea what he was supposed to be doing now is message was delivered, and Kibum seemed too distracted to tell him. For some reason he felt like he ought to say something… “So, Captain, do you like hanging out with me, or do I just need extra supervision?” He winked …Probably not that though. Why the fuck was it that sometimes he just lost control over his mouth and face?

Kibum looked about ready to kill him, but for some reason he didn’t, turning away to focus his binoculars on something happening outside, leaving Jonghyun to stew in a puddle of his own anxiety.

 

❀

 

Jonghyun’s barrack housed the regiment’s entire reconnaissance company. Around 160 men, split in 20 squadrons, dedicated to the very important task of looking at things, usually things in the distance — otherwise known as ‘checking shit out’ as the soldiers preferred to put it. He hadn’t met everyone yet, 5 squads had been out on manoeuvres along with some of the officers since before he’d arrived… and he guessed some people were just unfriendly… 532 were particularly weird and cliquey.

The squadrons were grouped into platoons of 5, each of which shared one of the barrack’s corridors and a communal bathroom, 525 sharing with 526-529. The whole section had a communal recreation room, complete with a scuffed up ping-pong table, and an ancient ps2 which was always on the blink and had to be coaxed lovingly back to life every time by Corporal Dongmin, and Corporal Dongmin only (Apparently the geriatric console had developed ‘trust issues’ with the others after Minho had kicked it one time in frustration). The building also housed a basic canteen that doubled for the snipers’ much smaller barrack next door, and a poorly equipped gym. The whole thing was worn and old, the fittings were all outdated and it was pretty draughty in spots, but thanks to military discipline it was absolutely spotlessly clean and tidy.

The company itself was led by Major Kwon, who was rarely seen and usually to be found in the Command Centre building above the parade ground. He delegated most of the day-to-day running of things to Captain Kibum, who in turn delegated to his lackey Lieutenant Han Soowook, or the other lieutenant who Jjong didn’t know yet, or to the sergeant major. There were also a couple more senior sergeants around, who ordered people about as and when needed, in fact most of the time they appeared to be the most engaged ones who actually knew what was going on… but normally even they didn’t seem to interfere much in Minho’s squadron.

After the exercise on the hill, the 525’s shared bathroom was abuzz with happy chatter instead of its normal, post-exercise burn-out. On a normal day Jonghyun might have been irritated by the men’s silly banter, but today he felt oddly removed and it slid straight off his back much like the soap bubbles.

After the platoon had been thoroughly defeated earlier, Kibum had announced out of the blue that they were celebrating with a party. His reasoning being that they weren’t ever expected to win in the first place, because obviously, the Army spent more time preparing for defence than for attack. But that everyone had still tried their best and they deserved a reward. Jonghyun initially thought that this was a little out of character, he’d more expected the captain to let them moulder in their existential gloom to teach them a lesson about the seriousness of war or something. Unless it was just Jjong who found fake-dying to be such a profoundly depressing experience in the first place, (he’d allegedly been blown up by a ‘hand grenade’ in the end, and had to lie still on the ground for the last 10 minutes.)

“…Guys?” He called out above the noise of the showerheads. “Is this a regular thing?”

 _“What showering? — Maybe not for you!”_ Came the sarcastic reply, followed by raucous laughter.

“No idiot. Being treated by the captain.”

 _“Errm, semi-regular I’d say?... He doesn’t seem to believe in giving incentives like the other officers.”_ Chimed in another voice. Most of the other officers on base offered incentives to their soldiers as standard, ie. ‘The soldier who comes top in shooting gets a voucher for the PX’, ‘The team that comes first on the assault course gets let off kitchen duty this week.’ That kind of thing.

 _“Yeah that’s true. Kinda sucks really—”_ Replied the first.

_“But every now and again he comes over all soft on us an gives us a random reward—”_

_“We think it’s part of a much darker and more evil conspiracy~”_

_“You moron it’s a tactic straight out of The Art of War, Chapter 9. He was obviously raised to be able to recite it in his sleep.”_

_“Quiet, nerd.”_

_“I’m just saying~”_

_“What exactly about a book called ‘The Art of War’ isn’t dark and evil?”_

_“… Are you actually illiterate? Or do you just pretend to be?”_

“As a child…? Who makes children read Sun Tzu?” Jonghyun wondered aloud.

_“look, we have another nerd!”_

“His grandfather is Marshal Kim Kisun, didn’t you know that?” Answered Seungdae from the cubicle next door.

“Well no one told me?” Jonghyun was shocked, when would he stop feeling so out of the loop? “…Explains a lot though I guess.”

_“Eh? You implying that the stick up his ass is hereditary Jjong? Hahaha! It probably is too!”_

That wasn’t exactly what Jonghyun had meant, but he decided to let it lie. So the captain’s grandfather was a national hero? That was interesting. _Everyone_ had heard of Marshal Kisun. Kibum probably felt a lot of pressure to live up to that… He probably gotten a leg up in his career too… how typical.

 

❀

 

At night the whole camp was eerily silent, save for the odd rumbling of a generator, or the occasional bark from one of the guard dogs.

Sleepless nights were nothing new to Jonghyun, but, as much as he hated to admit it, the enforced regimen of army living had been gradually helping to make things better. Usually when this happened he lay awake listening to the sounds of the city, but here, his room was so far away from even the front gate, that the only noises he could hear were the rustle of the wind in the trees and the faint, snuffley breathing of his roommates. If life was fair, he ought to have been far too exhausted for this to happen, and he really was _exhausted_. They’d woken up at 5.30, then roll-call, done the morning run, the morning chores, breakfast, parade, lunch, the exercise on the hill, showered, had dinner, had a party even. Still, he was awake now, and the whirring of his thoughts just wouldn’t let him rest.

His mind kept looping back to the party earlier. On the surface it’d been really nice. Dr Onew and the captain had bought them a ton of snacks from the PX, they’d gotten the norebang machine out, they’d had a ping-pong tournament, Jonghyun had destroyed everyone at Guitar Hero on the glitchy playstation. Everyone was happy. But Jjong had spent the evening feeling strangely ill at ease, as if he had somewhere else to be, or as if he didn’t belong to the scene playing out in front of him.

He did belong of course. He belonged there as much as any of the others did, and it wasn’t as if he weren’t welcome or he hadn’t made friends yet. Still, instead of being his best, social self, he’d ended the evening sitting alone, feeling resentful of the others and their comradeship and jealous of the officers and their friendship.

On the other side of the room Minho started to snore lightly, as if to remind Jjong that he was still there… and still annoying.

Hm. Yeah, the officers… He could see clearly now that Minho, Jinki and Kibum were a team. He couldn’t really claim to have a problem with it, yet… it just bothered him for some reason. If it were only Jinki and Minho together, then he’d have been able to dismiss it as ‘those two nice guys who’ve been here together for a while and clearly get along.’ But the captain, with his stupid face and his stupid rules, threw the whole chummy picture off.

Probably, he’d already half convinced himself, the captain was a completely different person in private. Jjong had seen glimpses of it already and it only seemed like common sense that he would be, and he’d have been able push it to the back of his mind and got on with his life, were it not for Minho’s existence. Stupid Minho didn’t seem to see the cold and superior ‘Captain Kibum’ at all, only his old friend playing dress-up — and he behaved accordingly, making it impossible for Jonghyun to go about his business as a conscripted soldier, under the depressing, but actually kind of comfortable understanding that the army hierarchy was a faceless and unavoidable oppressor. Something to be endured, but not to be understood or sympathised with.

What also made Kibum particularly troubling to Jonghyun was that his curiosity about the captain’s true nature _in no way_ helped him suppress his attraction towards him.

He groaned and rolled over in his sleeping bag. That was another problem. It just wasn’t good to fancy your commanding officer, it made life oh so very hard (pun fully intended).

Jonghyun had been doing a great job so far of not being attracted to all sorts of people that he otherwise would’ve been. Like… say Minho was attractive enough and Jjong wasn’t attracted to him. So was Taemin honestly, and Dr Onew, so were hundreds of other men in the camp... And they were all naked, all the time (ok not _all_ the time, but _enough_ of the time.) Kibum was for some reason different though. Jonghyun had tried to dehumanise him, to think of him only as a rank. But it obviously wasn’t going to work, because of stupid Minho. He’d tried thinking about all of the bad things that could happen if he slipped up and the captain caught onto his crush, (Yes it was a crush, he acknowledged that fully… to himself) the problem was that that led to him thinking of all of the racy scenarios that could maybe play out if Kibum… _Eugh!._ Nope that didn’t help! ~~He’d obviously seen far too much themed pornography before coming here~~. At this rate he wasn’t going to get to sleep at all. He shouldn’t have to suffer at night because of the captain, as well as during the day. And he shouldn’t have to suffer because of Kibum full stop.

This was silly… His growing fixation on the captain was dangerous, he was clearly just looking for something to distract himself from the reality of being in the army, and he’d seen how Minho did it and he’d wanted to follow. Kibum would never let him in, that was obvious. They were destined to forever remain captain and private to one another. Minho had once explained to Jjong that Kibum was the type of personality who always committed to his task 100% and expected it in others, and aside from his dealings with Minho, to Jjong’s knowledge Kibum had never deviated even a single degree from being the perfect officer… But that hadn’t stopped Jonghyun from noticing the way the captain’s eyes glittered when he thought no one was watching him laugh...

…No, nope, stop right there. He treated Jonghyun just like he treated any other useless conscript. And yes, sometimes he chose to give a warning instead of a punishment, or to look the other way, but more often than not he was ruthlessly strict. Like last week, they’d been doing target practice on the range and Jjong had the hiccups, and he kept trying to push them down, but they just wouldn’t stop. But Kibum had still kept him back until he had hit the target 5 times in a row even though there was nothing that he could do about it, even though he was feeling sick from trying to hold his breath. And when Jonghyun had been cheeky Kibum had still made him run laps for twenty minutes, and when Jjong made excuses, he had still told him that his difficulties were his own fault for eating too quickly or getting himself worked up, or whatever had triggered it. And it was silly, but as much as Jonghyun wanted to be special he wasn’t, not here, not to Kibum and not to anyone else. He was replaceable, transient, just a body used to fill a uniform for a set amount of time… And there was no way that the fancy captain would be interested in seeing him out of it.

 

o ᚂ

 

Kibum screwed up his eyes and yawned. The lamp in his office was far too dim to read by all night, but this had to be done. The General had asked for it to be done personally and Kibum wasn’t about to be caught doing a half-assed job of it… even if that meant staying up until almost dawn sorting through dusty old reports.

It was so _boring_ though, and the results of his work were not to his liking.

It’d all started when the general had noticed that the company’s evaluation reports weren’t as complimentary as they used to be. Kibum had known that, he’d written them after all, and given out all the performance ratings accurately. Consequently, the general had flown off the handle about ‘slipping standards’ and demanded that someone got demoted. Major Kwon, more afraid for his own skin than anything else, had argued that the standards hadn’t actually fallen, but that Captain Kibum was just a harsh marker who believed in higher standards than his previous captain had. Which was perfectly true... the last captain had been a soft touch… and terribly easily distracted.

Still, the general had demanded proof that the men were being properly trained… and because this whole mess was Kibum’s fault, he’d been the one designated the task of finding it. The problem was that finding said proof meant cross-referencing reports made under the old system, with the ones made under Kibum’s new one… and the whole point of Kibum’s new system was that the old one wasn’t very easy to sort through.

In short, he’d made his bed and was being forced to lie in it. The bed was made of bureaucracy… and bureaucracy was stupid and tedious, and it hurt his eyes.

What added insult to injury, was that the current troops were _still_ not necessarily any better trained than the old ones. Some of them had appalling records by anyone’s system. Take for example, Private Kim Jonghyun. He’d only been there a couple of weeks and he was already pulling down Kibum’s averages. There was time to turn him around sure, but the captain saw no reason to hold out any hope. The man obviously just wasn’t suited to military life... No particular skills… poor performance at boot camp… discipline issues… well obviously, Kibum snorted, recalling what had happened only earlier that day… Just typical that he should be dumped in Kibum’s section… Hmm a high school drop out and current ‘freelance musician’, that explained a lot. He was pretty though, and surprisingly built, a bit short, but that was just cute really, and Minho liked him so he was probably not completely un-ok. Probably not quite the disrespectful, cocky fuck-boy he came off as on exercises. Kibum could just imagine him at school, talking back to all the teachers and then winning them round with his smile, forgetting his books, but remembering to show up with his guitar every day to play to circle of giggling, stupid lust-struck girls in the cafeteria, flicking the ash off the end of his cigarette and looking effortlessly cool as he leaned alone, in a leather jacket and black ripped jeans against the back of the sports sheds, beckoning Kibum to come over….

 _Eugh_. Kibum shook his head to clear his thoughts. It was too late, he needed to get some rest and ghosts of high school past were the last kind of thing he needed to be thinking about now. Be gone vile, puppy-eyed demons.

He picked sleepily at his ugly khaki uniform and felt, not for the first time, that it was a burden. It was all about self control. It wasn’t that hard. He was already a master of it. Never slip, never falter, do your job and then, and only then, have your fun. It was what he’d been doing for years. He couldn’t afford to be lax. There were too many people waiting in the wings to tear him down, waiting to claim he’d risen so fast up the ranks because of nepotism, that he didn’t deserve the number of stripes on his shoulder… Of course he hadn’t, how could he have, when everyone was already watching him like a hawk from the second he stepped into the academy? It was so tiring, being made to feel like a fraud all the time… Maybe in _some_ senses he was a fraud… But he had never accepted any help when he was offered the choice. His achievements were his own and he wasn’t about to fail now.

He glanced at the carriage clock that ticked away on the shelf. It had been his grandfather’s… doubtless it was worth something. The hands read 3am… He might get 2 hours in if he left his desk now.

 

❀

 


	4. Four

 

❀

 

It was a freezing cold day on base — exactly like every other day since he’d arrived 5 weeks ago. Christmas had already been and gone, and Jonghyun had taken to focusing on reaching his 100th day, when, finally, he would be granted a couple of day’s leave to see his family. He was thankful it would be falling some time around the lunar new year, so he wouldn’t have to face another holiday apart from them.

Christmas day on camp had been a surreal experience to say the least. In the morning, parade had been replaced by hours of religious services in the chapel for the believers, and although Jjong’s family were mostly Christian, he’d chosen to skip it and head to the library instead for some alone time. That hadn’t actually worked out as he planned though — Instead of finding solitude and some time to work on his song writing, he’d found Dr Onew and they’d played Go like a pair of old men in the park whilst Jinki had tried to educate him with interesting facts about plant medicine… which all sounded like they could have been science jokes that Jjong didn’t quite get... he wasn’t sure about that. But either way, he didn’t mind humouring him, being a bit confused was worth it for the other man’s smile.

At lunch, the section had all gathered in the cafeteria for ersatz American food and party games. It turned out that Taemin had drawn Jjong’s name from the Secret Santa and he’d gotten him a multi-pack of instant ramen from the PX, which, in an effort to make more personalized, he’d tried to draw a dog on at the last minute. The crappy picture had just made Jonghyun cry because he missed his own dog. But he sincerely appreciated the effort nonetheless… and appreciated it even more when Taemin had done his best to not flinch when trapped in a crushing, weepy hug.

So. On this cold, foggy afternoon at the end of December, it came about that the company were learning drills on the parade ground.

 Jonghyun hated drilling, in his opinion it was repetitive, boring and pointless. Or the repetitiveness and the boringness were the point, and that in itself wasn’t a good enough point for Jonghyun to consider it a point… or something like that. It’s only practical use could be for instilling mindless discipline, which Jjong still didn’t approve of, and never would. Or maybe, on the unlikely occasion someone important came to visit and they all had to look smart, it could be used for showing off… and whilst Jonghyun secretly kind of loved showing off, like any performer, smart and uniform wasn’t really his ~style.

Captain Kibum, already the master of looking smart, was overseeing from on high like he was some kind of haughty, polished prince of drills and smartness.

“LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT, LEFT, RIGHT….” shouted the sergeant major. Jjong still hated the sergeant major.

“ABOUT TURN! …HALT!”

Jonghyun got the ‘about turn’ bit right, but apparently not the ‘halt’, as he spun out of control, slipping on the icy ground, falling into the superiorly coordinated Taemin next to him, and landing them both in an aching heap on the frozen dirt.

The sergeant major loomed over them, his lip curling.

“PRIVATE KIM JONGHYUN! WHAT WAS THAT!? I HAVE _NEVER_ IN MY LIFE SEEN SUCH A CLUMSY DISPLAY, AND WORSE YOU HAVE ENDANGERED PRIVATE LEE!”

Jonghyun groaned, trying to disentangle himself from his fallen friend.

“DON’T EVEN TRY TO TALK BACK PRIVATE.”

He hadn’t even tried, what the fuck?

“IF YOU HAD GRITTED THE PARADE GROUND PROPERLY LAST NIGHT THEN THIS WOULD NOT HAVE HAPPENED, SO I AM HOLDING YOU SOLEY RESPONSIBLE… ACTUALLY, YOU WERE _ALL_ SUPPOSED TO BE GRITTING THE PARADE GROUND LAST NIGHT.” The sergeant major shouted, peppering the front row in spittle. “HAS ANYONE EVER TOLD YOU WHY INFANTRY ARE CALLED INFANTRY? IT’S BECAUSE YOU’RE A BUNCH OF FUCKING INFANTS! AND THAT’S NOT EVEN A LIE, THAT’S BASIC ETYMOLOGY. EVERYONE JACKETS OFF, DOWN TO UNDERSHIRTS! RUNNING MORNING CIRCUIT! ON THE DOUBLE! GET MOVING! GET MOVING. Captain if you could follow behind and pick up the stragglers.”

WHAT? No jackets!? At this temperature? Jjong thought the fall must have knocked out his hearing for a bit there. Now that he thought about it, there was a slight ringing…

_“YES SIR!”_ Kibum bounced down off his perch as the others all got about undressing.

The sergeant major really was a tyrant, Jonghyun thought as he stripped down to his undershirt, leaving his nice warm layers on the ground with along with everyone else’s to go stiff. He’d thought that only people in the Special Forces units had to do this in the snow... sure they never ran in the morning in jackets, but in their polyfleeces it was fine. _Fuck_ , everyone was going to be so annoyed with him when they got back. At least they were only running the morning route. It wasn’t very long. Just up the hill into the woods, along, and down again. It only took about 20 minutes… But by then Jjong’s nipples might have frozen off…. and he _needed_ them… they were sensitive… like all the rest of him.  


As they got to the uphill section Jonghyun began to notice that something was wrong, apart from the cold air assaulting his lungs. It hadn’t mattered on the level ground, but now they’d reached uneven terrain he could feel himself wobbling on his numb ankle, he realised wasn’t sure of where he was putting it and he was having to slow down to avoid rolling it on a loose st—

_“FUCkkk!”_ Jonghyun tripped and tumbled down on the rocky path. White hot pain shot through his leg and he felt like he was almost going to pass out, biting back the tears which had sprung into his eyes.

“Jonghyun! Hey Jjong, you OK?” Some of his nearby teammates rallied round, he could distantly feel them trying and help him back up.

“Fuck, no! Ahh—“ He spat out a little blood from where he’d bitten the inside of his cheek as he fell. “Can you see where my glasses went?”

_“What’s all this commotion?”_

Jonghyun groaned as heard the captain approaching. Come to pick up the ‘stragglers’.

_“Sir! Looks like Private Jonghyun has fallen just up ahead sir!”_

_“Again? Seriously?”_

_“Yes sir.”_

_“Well let’s look at him then—“_

Jonghyun heard the crunching of boots, and Kibum’s face swam into focus above him, looking somehow amused, concerned and pissed off all at the same time. “Do you think you can walk on it?” he asked, almost gently. Almost.

“Not really sir.”

“Alright.” Kibum nodded. “Everyone, keep going, quick as you can. Go report to the sergeant major and tell him what’s happened. I’ll get Private Kim back down to the hospital block.”

“Yes sir!”

“…Kim, you’re bleeding.”

“What?” He hadn’t noticed, too overcome by surprise and pain, now ebbing away into a steady ache, and his mind felt a little clearer for it. He looked down at his bare arms and they were indeed bleeding from some of scrapes and a couple of nasty grazes. “I mean yes sir… Seems to be the case sir.” He said.

Kibum was looking too, checking him over for any more serious injuries.  “And your shirt’s torn.”

 Jjong nodded, he knew that the captain was just looking at his body because he had to, but he could still feel his skin prickling with the attention, or perhaps it was just the temperature.

“You’ll get cold now you’ve stopped moving.”

Jonghyun bit back the impulse to say that of course, he was already fucking cold, but then to his astonishment Kibum stripped off his own jacket and handed it to him.

“Here.”

JJong panicked, the gallantry of the captain’s action catching him off guard. “No you don’t have to.” He said, trying to pass it back. “…Sir?”

“Just take it. I don’t want you to go into hypothermic shock…” He furrowed his eyebrows, the pads of his fingers gently catching both sides of Jjong’s face for a brief moment “You haven’t hit your head have you?...” He asked, peering into Jjong’s eyes to check.

“I’m not going into…” Jonghyun tailed off, nodding dumbly as he relented and pushed his arms through the warm fabric, uncomfortably conscious of the captain’s lingering body-heat, but also thankful for it. Was he allowed to wear something with the wrong idents on it? It probably didn’t matter, there was no one here to see them, was there? “If I’m going to go into shock over anything, it’ll be over you being considerate.” He huffed.

“Are you _sure_ you didn’t hit your head Private? Because I can’t think of any other reason why you’d show me so much cheek.” Kibum stepped back and grumbled as he got down on his knees beside jjong’s feet. “Now let’s look at this leg.”

“On my first day we were told that if we fell running, no one would help us back.”

“Standard bullshit, we’re legally obliged to take care of you.”

_‘take care of you.’_ Shit. He suddenly hoped he _was_ concussed because the noise he’d just made in response, when he’d just noticed where Kibum was… and how nice his arms looked… and how very alone they were… and that Kibum was touching him…and oh shit. He could really do with some low blood pressure, because if his thoughts kept going down this road… there was a very embarrassing situation just waiting at the end of it.

Kibum gave him a heavy, unamused glare, luckily he seemed completely oblivious to Jjong’s struggles, probably written the squeak off as him whimpering in pain. “… Definitely concussed.” He said, pressing down hard on Jonghyun’s ankle joint.

“Ouch!” Jjong cried, Jerking his foot out of the captain’s hands. “I didn’t hit my head.” He protested.

“Good. Now does that hurt?” Kibum asked, pointedly not waiting for a reply before catching onto his heel again and doing something else painful.

“Ouch! Of course it hurts!”

“And if I do this?” Kibum asked again, moving it the other way.

“Ow!— Fuck.” At least Jonghyun’s little ~problem had been thoroughly forgotten. “With all due respect, _sir,_ are you a fucking sadist or something?”

“None of your business. Now can you wriggle your toes for me?”

Jjong wriggled them inside his boot. “Well at least it explains your choice in career.” He choked, as needles shot up his leg.

The captain sighed. “Do you think you could possibly make your contempt for me a little less obvious—”

“—Or what. You’ll discipline me _sir_?”

“—at least whilst I’m trying to help you out?” Kibum finished, laying Jjong’s boot in his _lap_ , looking hurt.

Jonghyun huffed, wincing in pain as he removed it.

Kibum watched him for a moment, chewing the inside of his mouth, “Look… Jonghyun.” He said levelly, taking Jjong’s foot back firmly, and working up his calf muscles. “You know I don’t get any more choice in how to treat you, than you do in how you treat me. Try to bend your toes up towards your shin whilst I feel here… Jonghyun are you listening?”

Jjong shook himself, all his attention had been concentrated on taking deep breaths and physically trying to stop all his muscles from tensing and recoiling away from Kibum’s methodically encroaching hand.

“I need to do certain things, and behave a certain way, that I wouldn’t do if we weren’t here. Just like you do. We all do.”

“I… um.. uh— guess so?“ Where was this all coming from suddenly? Jonghyun was beginning to feel bad, of course he knew that, he’d thought about it himself… but this situation was just incredibly stressful… and getting more stressful by the second. If only the captain knew what he was doing to him… Probably good that he didn’t. If any God out there loved him, Jjong prayed that they’d help him pass off his discomfort as 100% a reaction to the pain.

“…Alright?”

“So it’s… er… not personal then?” Jjong winced as Kibum’s hand slid a fraction further up, gripping him under his knee and pushing _up_ and _forwards_ as he did something else awful to his ankle.

“No.” He replied.

“Are you sure ...sir?” Jjong squeaked, praying that the captain wouldn’t notice the sweat he could feel breaking out in droplets on his forehead in spite of the temperature.

“Always.”

“Oh I see how it is… Maybe I should leave you two alone to get a room.”

Kibum Jumped back from Jjong like he’d been given an electric shock. “FUCKING HELL MINHO DON’T JUMP OUT LIKE THAT!”

“AHH!... _My foot.”_

“Oops.” Said Minho sheepishly “… Sorry I mean Oops sir.” He modified after seeing the lethal glare he was getting from the reddening captain.

“Seriously?” Kibum spat.

“I was just—“

“JUST WHAT CHOI? JUST WHAT?” fury was radiating off the captain in waves as he tapped his foot waiting for an answer.

Jonghyun felt so sorry for Minho in that moment as the sergeant looked like he’d quite like to melt into the snow in the face of Kibum’s rage. He’d been in that position… but if what Kibum had just told him was to be believed, with _him_ it had never been personal. Between these two friends, it definitely was.

“… The sergeant major said I should come and help,  I was Just calling things as I saw th—”

“FOR FUCK’S SAKE MINHO COULD YOU FOR ONCE TRY TO BE PROFESSIONAL!?” Kibum exploded, advancing on the sergeant. Jonghyun was taken aback by the emotion. He was used to the captain blowing his top, but this seemed like he was stepping into something private _._ Kibum suddenly almost seemed to be on the edge of crying. “THIS MAY BE A NICE HOLIDAY FOR YOU, BUT THIS IS MY CAREER MINHO. THIS IS MY WHOLE LIFE! IS IT _THAT HARD_ TO JUST KEEP UP A _PRETENSE_ OF BEING NORMAL IN FRONT OF OTHER PEOPLE? I THOUGHT THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE A FUCKING PROFFESSIONAL PRETENDER, _WHY_ CAN’T YOU JUST Do _that_ much for me?”

“Kib— Kibum! Calm down, this isn’t like you. It was just a joke.” Minho moved to hug the seething captain “It’s only me and Jonghyun, it’s alright, it was just silly banter. Everything’s _alright_ Kibum.” He said, coaxing the smaller man into his arms.

“Ok, ok. Sorry _Sergeant._ ” Minho still looked truly unsettled as Kibum brushed him off coldly and started pacing past them, flinching when Kibum used his rank. “I’m just stressed. It’s just, Private Kim... and the… Just give me a minute.”

Minho rounded on him, his voice lowering almost to a growl, “What did you do Jonghyun?”

“I… I….” He stuttered, too totally overwhelmed by whatever the hell was going on to make any sense.

“He did nothing.” Said Kibum, running his fingers through under his beret as he still paced out whatever nervous energy was possessing him. “It’s not his fault. You’re right, he’s ok. It’s _ok_. It’s just a lot of things and… ”

“But Key—“

“It’s not a big deal Minho. Let’s not talk about it. Maybe later. We need to get back now before the sun goes down.”

“Yessir.” The two others mumbled. The subject was obviously closed for now.

“Come on Jjong. Minho sighed, offering his back for Jonghyun to latch onto. “I’ll give you a lift.”

“Jjong?” Minho asked when they were about halfway down the track. After a bit of experimentation and adjustment they’d found that the best way for him to carry Jjong was over his shoulders. It was a bumpy ride, the slight swaying motion, and being upside down was beginning to make Jjong feel light-headed, and it wasn’t exactly the most dignified position that he’d ever been in… But at least they were moving in the right direction.

“Yeah?” He replied. He could feel that Minho was tense underneath him. Kibum was some way up in front, he couldn’t see how far in front, most of his current view was taken up by Minho’s ~~rather good~~ ass… and even if it hadn’t been, when they’d finally found his glasses in the shrubbery, they were pretty much scuffed beyond use.

“You won’t mention any of that to the others will you?”

Jonghyun thought about it or a second, and as much as he’d like to ask some of the other members of his squadron their opinion on this whole… whatever it’d been, perhaps it was for the best. “My lips are sealed.” He promised.

“Good… because otherwise I might have to threaten to beat you up or something.”

“HAH!” Jjong snorted at the idea of Minho menacing something, when he had about as much menace in him as a teaspoon. “As if you would.”

_“What are you laughing at back there?”_

“Nothing sir.”

“Minho…” Jjong couldn’t repress his curiosity any longer. “What’s up with him?”

“Well you heard him… Stuff.” Minho shrugged and Jjong’s stomach leapt as for a second he thought he was about to fall. He wasn’t in a hurry for his face to meet the path again anytime soon.

“Just stuff?”

“Isn’t that enough?” Minho said wryly. “It’s not really your business anyway. Probably not mine either… like I’m probably going to get told later.”

“It seemed like more than just ‘stuff’.” There was a sharp pain in his thigh and he realised the sergeant had pinched him. “Ouch! What was that for?”

“To remind you that sometimes other people need their privacy just as much as you need yours.”

“I’m only curious.” Jjong whined. Minho had clearly stepped on a raw nerve back there, and Jjong wanted to know what it was. He already had an inkling… but…

“Well I’m only curious about what your sister’s phone number is, and you’re still not telling me.”

“That’s different! She’s my sister~”

“Well maybe the captain’s secrets are like his sister.”

Jjong wrinkled his eyebrows so hard his glasses almost fell to the floor again, “Minho…” He said, catching them with his dangling hand before they sustained any more damage. “I don’t know where you were trying to go with that lame analogy, but wherever it was, you definitely didn’t get there... or anywhere near it.”

“Ok…Try this then.” Minho replied with a slow smile creeping into his voice. “Drop it or I’ll drop you.”

Jonghyun gulped “…Noted.”

o ᚂ

 

As Kibum strode into the hospital block he prayed that this wasn’t Jinki’s evening on call. He knew all too well that the other captain only pretended to be imperceptive. He’d instantly know something was up, and Kibum didn’t trust him to not press for answers in front of Jonghyun.

Kibum just didn’t get it, they all seemed immediately so comfortable in his presence. What the hell was it about this pest of a private that had all of his so-called friends tripping over themselves and their senses to get close to him? They didn’t have the same kinds of problems as he did. It was unfair was what it was, fucking unfair.

“Where do you want this then Captain?” Minho asked as he followed Kibum through into one of the main outpatient rooms, still cheerfully carrying the private like a prize sack of potatoes. The block was always pretty empty at this time of day, shut down for the night, any unfortunate overnight patients in the infirmary were always sent to bed early… Kibum looked around, someone would’ve heard them arrive.

“Just put him down on the examination table for now.” You grinning idiot. “Unless you want to carry him around like that forever.

The grinning idiot obliged, setting the grumpy private down like a ragdoll. His feet barely skimmed the floor, much to his obvious annoyance and Kibum’s secret delight.

“Thank you Sergeant. You’re dismissed.”

“Ki—“ Minho started.

Kibum cut him off, he didn’t want to hear it right now. “Don’t you have something sergeant-y you’re supposed to be doing, or dinner?” Minho looked like he was about to say something else, whatever it was, it could wait. He knew Minho was worried, but it could wait. “It’s fine Minho, go.”

Minho gave in. “Ok, ‘night Kibum… See you later Jjong.” He flashed one of his smiles for the private, which was returned in kind, and Kibum couldn’t help but feel a little stab of jealousy.

Seriously, what was it with them? What was the appeal… of _either_ of them to be honest? Both of them were patently idiots — which wouldn’t be half so much of a problem if Kibum wasn’t at risk of getting caught in the crossfire of idiocy that could potentially rain down between them. He trusted Minho with his secrets, he had always… but did he trust who Minho trusted? Or did Minho think that Jonghyun was just too oblivious for him to take care watching his words around?

Kibum had to admit; Jonghyun did look pretty oblivious right now. He didn’t look bothered at all at being left in a room with Kibum. Not like earlier when he looked like he’d have run for the hills if he’d been capable… He actually looked a lot more bothered by the public health poster he was currently squinting at, telling him that he ought to be checking his balls regularly... His nose was really cute without those ugly glasses obstructing it…

Jonghyun turned around and caught his eyes. Kibum whipped round, heart beating faster than it had any right to, hoping to hide that he’d been staring, or at least hide the blush threatening to creep up his face.

“Hey Kibbles — Jjong!,” Fuck it _was_ Jinki’s night on, just as he’d feared. The doctor stumbled into the room, snapping a new sheet onto his clip board. “Heard something about a fall up in the woods, was that your dumb ass?”

“Yeah it was m—“ Jonghyun began before getting a thermometer unceremoniously shoved in his open mouth, frowning around it, ~~in a way that Kibum didn’t find even a little bit endearing/suggestive.~~

Jinki sat down, got a little torch out of his pocket and began to shine it in the private’s eyes whilst making notes with his other hand. No wonder his handwriting was always so illegible in the records if this was how he treated his work and his patients. Kibum had to repress the urge to ask him to be careful. He didn’t know where that had come from. “You didn’t hit your head did you?” He asked Jonghyun.

“He’s just sprained his ankle.”

“Well I’ll be the judge of that.” Jinki said brightly, spinning his chair to face the other captain. “Is that all you wanted, or did you just want know if he was ok?”

Kibum bristled “Actually I want to get my jacket back.” He might have imagined it but Jonghyun looked a little hurt at his words, and Jinki was already looking between the two of them in way that caused him to worry.

“Well” Jinki tapped his pen against his chin. “You can’t have it yet, but you can earn it.”

“It’s my jacket Lee. It’s uniform.”

“Yeah, but Private Jjong here.”

“—Private _Kim.”_

“Private Kim needs to keep as warm as possible after what he’s been through.” The doctor said, whipping the thermometer out of Jonghyun’s mouth and noting the reading. ”Uh huh — yep definitely could be a bit warmer— So if you want to get _that_ off him, then _you_ need to take him across the corridor for me, and put him in a hot shower.”

“No.” That hateful troll rabbit was trying to torture him. That was what this was all about.

Jinki tutted “An officer’s duty is to his men. If you don’t help support him, we’ll risk losing his pretty face to the floor tiles, and maybe his other ankle too”

Kibum caught Jonghyun patting at his nose absent-mindedly, as if to check it was still there. Stupid cute nose.

“But why can’t _you_ do it?” He said, snapping back to the problem at hand.

“Because I’m very busy and important, and you’ve interrupted my evening schedule.” Fuck, that’s _exactly_ what _he_ would have said. Jinki truly was a hateful troll bent on the destruction of his nerves. He couldn’t hope to argue with his own tactics…

2 minutes later, across the corridor, Kibum peeled Jonghyun off his shoulder and him unceremoniously deposited him on the bench there. He could have sworn that the private was now pretending to be less mobile than he really was… Probably getting another kick out of riling up his captain.

Kibum turned to the wall to give the private some… some privacy. “Well, aren’t you going to get undressed?” He asked, trying to sound less uncomfortable than he was. This was already awkward enough for him.

“Uh… sure… I suppose”

Kibum could feel his cheeks flare as he listened to the rustling of clothes being removed and folded.

“You’re not coming in too?” Jonghyun asked, there was a note of something in his voice, anxiety? “Dr Onew said to help me not fall over.”

Kibum froze, shit, he hadn’t even thought of that. “There’s a handrail isn’t there?” He sniffed.

There must have been, because Jonghyun didn’t ask again, and Kibum could hear him creeping into the cubicle and turning on the water. When he was sure that Jonghyun was under the spray… did he dare peek? No one took showers facing outwards did they?… Not in this situation, that would be weird, he wouldn’t just stare out at Kibum whilst he washed… But what if he just wanted to check Jonghyun was ok?— No! It didn’t matter! That was a gross violation of privacy. He shouldn’t look.

He turned around… Just for a split second. Enough time to see thick rivulets of water running down Jonghyun’s toned back muscles, his broad shoulders and his narrow waist, his hand on his neck.

By the time Jonghyun turned off the water and stepped out, the captain had was nowhere to be found.

 

❀


	5. Five

 

❀

 

Jonghyun woke up to an unusual silence, and an equally unusual amount of starchy white linen all up around his face. Waking up in a bed that wasn’t his was one thing… but, wait, he was in an actual bed? With a mattress? When was the last time? ...Months ago. Now, If only his foot wasn’t propped up on weirdly on all those pillows. Ouch! ‑ _Oh_. He remembered… The infirmary.

Did this mean he didn’t need to get up? He could see the pink edges of dawn already trying to creep in under the blinds, but there was no one else here, was there? The ward was silent, he seemed to have the space all to himself, and as it didn’t seem like anyone was going to come for him he ended up drifting back off to blessed sleep.

Some indeterminable amount of time later, he found himself in that now rare place, half between awake and dreaming. He could feel the light against his eyelids, but he had no desire to open them and greet the world, so instead let his thoughts wander. They started to drift back to the afternoon before and what had caused the distant pain at the end of his leg. Layering fantasy into his interactions with the captain was more… interesting than reality… and Jonghyun totally agreed with Dream-Ho that the two of them ought to be left alone to get a room, and things were about to get spicy when. Damn. His imagination hit a brick wall… What would have happened next?

Kibum’s reaction yesterday had been so strange, so violent, that Jonghyun didn’t know what to make of it. He’d been as cool as a cucumber yesterday, absolutely fine, much more fine that Jonghyun was… right up until Minho arrived… Then…? What had gotten under his skin? As far as Jonghyun could see, there were 3 possibilities. 1) - The captain was just really easily startled and just didn’t like being snuck up on… like one of those fainting goats he’d heard they had in America. 2) - He was pissed because Minho had spoken informally to him in front of Jonghyun and undermined his authority. 3) - He was pissed because Minho had made a dirty joke about Kibum and himself.

1) was unlikely, because Jonghyun was fairly sure that Kibum wouldn’t have made it so far up the army ladder if he freaked out every time something caught him off guard.

He figured 2) was possible. But it didn’t make a whole lot of sense when Kibum had been tolerating Jonghyun’s impertinence pretty well, right up until Minho got there. It also didn’t make a lot of sense because he’d personally been witnessing the sergeant giving Kibum cheek since his first day, and Kibum knew that.

Then 3) looked the most likely. But why? Most people would have played Minho’s joke off as just banter… Despite what might have been going on in Jjong’s mind at that moment, there really was nothing untoward about what was happening. Kibum had been absolutely chill about getting hands-on with Jonghyun’s body, not a trace of embarrassment or attraction... Jjong believed he would have totally noticed that. But did that mean that the captain had freaked because he was aggressively homophobic? That’d be shit… Or because he was just really, really deeply repressed and scared of being outed?... But by Minho? His long-term friend???... Or in front of Jjong? Oh god, did he come across as the kind of person who’d judge someone for that? …Like, well… he assumed that everyone had been assuming he was straight… But everyone assumed that everyone was straight around here. Did they also assume that people were homophobic? Hell, _he’d_ been assuming people were straight… and homophobic. Shit. It was just simpler… and safer. No awkward ‘oops I hit on you, but it seems you’re not actually gay and now you might punch me, but, oh no, we’re also in the army, so there are about 100 worse things you could potentially do to me now because of that.’ …Fuck. What if, when Minho came, Kibum noticed that Jonghyun was attracted to him, and that’s why he freaked out, and that’s why he was so weird when they got to the hospital block? Oh fuck, that’d be awful if that was what’d happened. What a fucking mess.

But was Kibum that much of an asshole that Jjong had something to fear…? He refused to let go of the belief that the captain _was_ essentially an asshole… He just was, it was a fact, so there… But was he _that kind_ of asshole? That thing he’d said, the bit that Jonghyun hadn’t paid a lot of attention to, because Kibum was trying to twist his foot off at the time…Somewhere, in between the pain, he’d registered something relatable being communicated, although annoyingly he couldn’t recall exactly what it’d been.

Maybe it didn’t matter whether the captain was a total, or partial, asshole. Either way he had nothing on Jjong, and Jjong had nothing on him ~~apart from his inappropriate relationship with Minho, but he’d never grass on them for that, because that would hurt Minho too.~~ Perhaps that was for the best. Minho had told him to stay out of Kibum’s business; he didn’t want Kibum in his business. Maybe everyone should just mind their own personal business more from now on…

Then he heard the swish of the infirmary door swinging open, and he quickly squirreled himself deeper into his sheets, “Morning!” A cheery voice rang out over the ward

“Eughh Dr Onew, is that you?” Jonghyun groaned

“I’m not telling. You’ll have to open your eyes and find out.” The doctor said, his footsteps drawing level to Jjong’s bedside.

“Just 5 more minutes— AH!” he screamed as the sheets were ripped from him.

“Morning Sleeping Beauty.” Jinki grinned as Jonghyun flinched at the shock of the tingly cold air assaulting his body. Sadist (another for Jjong’s growing list). “Now let’s have a look a this.” The doctor rubbed his hands and applied a little pressure to his patient’s injured leg. “How does that feel.” He asked.

“Not great thanks.”

“I seeeee.” Jinki stepped back, tapping his teeth with end of his pen. “That’s good and swollen isn’t it.”

“So what’s the prognosis doc?”

He cocked his head to one side, considering his patient. “I think I’m going to keep you in here for today to rest… Not because you need it, but because I can, and because agreeing to be Go partners with lonely officers sometimes comes with occasional perks.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Shh it’s Jinki.” He tutted. “Anyway, I can’t justify keeping you in here longer than today. You’ll be off normal exercises for a while, but you won’t be allowed to lie around with nothing to do whilst this heals itself up. I suggest you keep up with the physio routine we give you, take your painkillers… We’ll er give you those as well… And hope that it sorts itself out as soon as possible.”

“Physio routine?” Jjong asked.

“Yup. I’ll get someone to come and run you through it after breakfast. There should be a handy leaflet around here somewhere too…” He waved vaguely towards a table overflowing with a multitude of colored bits of paper. “Eh, we should probably sort that out... It’s pretty simple advice anyway, you know, turn it this way, twist it that way, try not too fall over again, watch out for slippery surfaces. Oh lord, the ice! You’re going to have some fun with that aren’t you.”

Jonghyun silently agreed.

“And you’re going to have to take those lifts out of your boots.”

“WHAT!? I do NOT wear lifts!”

Jinki hooked one of Jjong’s boots up off the floor and upended it over his bed; Jonghyun flushed guiltily as a little foam wedge dropped out onto his knees. “Just as I thought.”

“You mean you didn’t even know it was there? …They’re only a centimeter.”

“Hmm, looks more like three if you ask me.” Jinki said. “Oh, and I have these for you.” He fished a pair of tortoiseshell-rimmed glasses out of his top pocket, and set them gently down on Jjong’s bedside table. “I’m sorry, but you’ll need to wait a week or so for a permanent replacement for your old ones to make their way here… not really many opticians nearby.” He smiled apologetically. “Your original pair were unsalvageable, but we checked your records and these should be close enough to the right strength. If you get any headaches, just drop in and I’ll prescribe you something… Maybe take them off for close work and try not to spend too long staring into the distance.”

“Thanks Jinki.” Jonghyun sighed, and collapsed back into his pillow as the doctor left. This wasn’t going to be fun at all, so he may as well take advantage of the day’s rest whilst he could.

 

✚

The following morning found Jinki shivering as he made his way up the concrete staircase to Kibum’s office. Damn the barracks were cold compared to his nice, warm infirmary. He was regretting his decision to come see the other captain in person — waste of a perfectly good smoke break. Maybe, _maybe_ he was just a little worried about him still, after all that hoo-ha the night before last. Very weird.

He rapped on the door next to a little brass plaque bearing Kibum’s name and rank and waited for a reply. Jinki had to admit, despite the freezing draught, Kibum’s office was by far the nicest of all the captains’ offices he’d been in. The recon section’s building had been converted from the camp’s original command centre, built before the war. And Kibum had somehow managed to convince the Major to let him have the largest upstairs room, right above the front entrance, with the big double windows and the hardwood panelling… Not that that meant it was grand or flashy, far from it… It just wasn’t your standard, pokey breeze-block cupboard... And there was something about the way Kibum inhabited the space, probably through no conscious effort of his own, that impressed upon anyone who visited the unmistakable flavor of establishment. 

“It’s Jinki.” He called when there was no reply forthcoming. Silly bugger was probably sulking.

“ _Captain Lee_ , come in.”

“Morning sunshine!”

“Don’t be so informal,” Kibum hissed once the door was shut. “Soowook will hear.”

Jinki blinked. “What’s the problem with that?” He asked.

Kibum shot a look through what must be the dividing wall between there offices. “He’s just looking for a chance to usurp me.”

“You know, you’re paranoid… even for you that’s serious, have you thought of seeing the counsellor?”

“Ha ha. I think you’re already here aren’t you… We haven’t gotten a proper one yet have we?”

Jinki made a sound of dissent. No they didn’t have a proper counsellor, and they weren’t going to get one any time soon either, so yes, he was still the closest thing they had. 

“And you know he would jump at the chance… Well, if he could get his fat ass off the ground.”

Jinki rolled his eyes. “Lieutenant Soowook is not actually clinically overweight. Certainly not so much that he can’t jump”

“Why are you _only_ literal when you can use it to be annoying?” Kibum grumbled, taking a seat in the leather chair behind his desk. “Did you give Private Kim those glasses?” He asked.

Jinki thought to himself that Kibum needed to work on his nonchalance act a bit.

“Of course I did.” He replied. “We can’t have him wandering around bumping into things… He’s damaged enough already.”

“They’re ok?”

“I assume so.”

“…Well, when do you think he’ll be back to normal fitness… You know, just for planning purposes of course.”

“Depends on what you’re planning.” Jinki replied, drawing up a chair opposite and lacing his fingers together. “I’ve given him leave to beg off anything physical for a month, anything _really_ physical for 6 weeks.”

“Do you know where he is today?”

“Not a clue.”

Kibum got up and strode over to the door. _“Lieutenant!”_ He shouted.

There was a pitter-patter of feet rushing up to it. Must be Soowook. _“Yessir.”_ Jinki craned his neck around trying to see.

_“To whom did you assign Private Kim to today.”_

_“The quartermaster sir, he’s set him to work polishing in the supply room sir.”_

_“That can wait, have him sent up here, I need him.”_

_“Yes sir.”_

Jinki raised his eyebrow, Kibum was so painfully transparent ~~sometimes~~ most of the time.

“What are you making that face for?” Kibum sniped, rounding his desk.

Jinki giggled. “You _need_ him.”

“Piss off.”

 

❀

 

 


	6. Six

 

❀

 

The stock room smelt of damp and feet and iron… Not the most pleasant mixture to begin with, but almost unbearable after Jonghyun had been hard at work for a couple hours with a rag and bleach and polish. He sniffed. His nose was stinging so badly he could feel tears forming in the corners his eyes.

He’d woken up wincing, more than usual, the sharp pain in his ear thanks to the morning bell was familiar, but that wasn’t it…. He’d tried to sit up to start the morning stretches and fuck, that’d hurt like a bitch… And then suddenly it had all come flooding back to him in a horrifying wave.

Without the physical evidence, and without Minho shouting at him to give up and give his leg a damn rest, he would have thought that the events of the past couple of days were all his overactive imagination at work… And now what? If he was honest, he hadn’t been paying attention to what he’d been told about his recovery and physio, he’d been too busy being ridden with angst… although the gist of it all was definitely to ‘stay off it for a bit.’ But nevertheless, he was left with no idea for how long, or what he was supposed to be doing in the meantime.

His questions however, had been answered for him soon enough by the arrival of Lt Soowook to take roll call.

“NUMBER OFF!”

“1!”, “2!”, “3!”, “4!”, “5!”, “6!”, “7!”, “8!”, _“HAETAE!”_ The same as every day.

After reciting the morning announcements the lieutenant had told Jonghyun he was free until 800 hours. Then he was to report to the stock-room sergeant for cleaning duty… and so there he was…

“Sergeant Park!”

Jonghyun leapt up to salute the approaching officer, stumbling as he forgot about his ankle and it crunched painfully underneath him.

“At ease Private.” Said the officer, wincing in sympathy before turning back to his task. “Sergeant, I’m afraid Private Kim has been sequestered by the captain. Does he have your leave to go?”

“Eugh, typical.” The quartermaster grunted, rolling his eyes. “Fine, yes of course he does.” He replied, unwilling to give up his new skivvy for the day, but unable to really refuse the order,

The neurotic part of Jonghyun’s brain had immediately kicked into gear, churning up every thought and anxiety he’d been working hard to push down since yesterday morning. Kibum had asked for him? Did that mean he’d be going to his office? Alone? Now? Did he _have_ to go? Kibum wanted to see him, even though he had the perfect excuse _not_ to see him? Hell, he didn’t even need an excuse not to see him, he was the freaking captain. Kibum had made it pretty clear the other night that he didn’t want to spend any more time around him any more than he had to… So why did he want to see him now? What the hell? What if he was still angry? Jonghyun had broken a ton of rules in his presence… and crossed a shit-ton of lines. Would Kibum transfer him? Punish him? What if he was about to be dragged in front of the major to be court-martialed? Was he about to get blackmailed? Shouted at? ~~Taken roughly over a desk?~~ Defenestrated..? Okay that last one was a bit farfetched, but still technically possible…

Luckily the walk from the supply room back to the barrack wasn’t too exerting, but by the time Jjong made it up to the captain’s office he was ready to pass out from stress.

He knocked tentatively on the door and waited, trying to calm his breathing.

_“Come in.”_

“Er. Good morning sir.” He saluted.

Oh shit, Kibum looked just as ready to scalp him as he usually did. Jjong could feel himself physically wilt under that gaze.

“Take a seat Private.” Kibum ordered. He avoided looking directly at Jonghyun as the private shuffled across the room to take a seat behind a second, smaller desk, set up just out of his direct eye-line. “I need you to go through these files. Just look at the dates on the front pages and sort them into piles of ‘completed’ and ‘ongoing’ for now. Then I need you to do the same with those ones.” He motioned to a huge stack on the floor, ”and those ones.” An even bigger stack behind the door. “Take meals with your squadron as usual. I’ll be out for most of the day, but when I’m in here _don’t_ bother me… What’s with that face?.. You _are_ literate aren’t you?”

“Yes, _sir._ ”

“Well I suppose that’s something at least.”

 

❀

 

4 hours later Jonghyun slammed his tray down on the table in the cafeteria. “The captain is an absolute bitch and I hate him.”

Taemin looked up from his lunch, totally nonplussed, “What’s new?” He asked.

“What’s new!?” Jjong took in a deep breath through his nose. “Not only is he a callous slave-driver, he thinks that I, Kim Jonghyun, am illiterate. How dare he think I’m illiterate, that snobbish uppity, son of a—.”

“You’re not are you?”

“No Taemin, obviously I’m not.” He said, taking a seat on the bench across from his friend. “I don’t think they’d even let you in here.”

Taemin shrugged and picked up his spoon again. “What’s the problem then? I’ve heard him say wayyy meaner, _and_ more accurate things about you.”

“Wow, thanks Tae.” Talk about back handed compliments… well, not even compliments… backhanded emotional support?... backhanded attempts at emotional support?

“So?” Taemin asked.

Jonghyun looked down at his stew, “So I maybe dropped out of high school, and that smarmy fucker clearly found out about it and is on a mission to make me feel small.”

Taemin looked him up and down. “You are pretty small though hyung… no offence.”

“Small as in inferior, dumbass. I’m taking your sausage for that.”

“Oh.” Taemin said, leaning back to let Jjong reach over to steal from his bowl. “But you are his inferior.”

“Not if we’re talking about general human rights and dignity~” Jonghyun whined.

“Oh I seeee.” Taemin nodded sagely. “So what was he doing talking to you anyway?”

“He made me go to his office to do paperwork.” Jonghyun mumbled through a mouthful of sausage. He hadn’t realized it until now, but cross-referencing files had made him hungry.

“Thought the lieutenant said you were going to the supply room?”

“I did, but ‘Captain obviously changed his mind.”

“That was nice of him.”

Jonghyun sighed, next time he’d have to find a more cooperative complaining partner. “No it was not. He probably just thought of a new way to be a dick, just like he was the other night when he abandoned me in the shower.”

“…What were you doing with him in the shower?

“When I was taken to the infirmary.”

“You were in the infirmary?”

“…” Jonghyun was lost for words… How did this kid end up in _reconnaissance_ again? Observation skills? Hello?

Minho appeared, rocking the already wobbly bench as he took a seat next to Jonghyun. “You shouldn’t let Kibum get under your skin…” He said, settling down to join them with his tray. “He’s always had a sharp tongue and he tends to… not always think before he opens his mouth.” Typical Minho, defending other people being twats, preaching tolerance of the intolerable, Jonghyun seethed, he could just—  “I think it’s actually gotten worse since he’s been here, there’s no one around to call him out on it.”

Jjong blinked, confused for a second about what Minho was trying to get across. “So you’re saying I should call him on it?”

Minho barked out a laugh, drawing the attention of a few of the nearest men. “Hell no! Not _you_.” He looked sheepishly over his shoulder to check no one was listening in before continuing in a lower tone. “You want to get out of here with all your limbs and appendages attached, right?”

“Maybe.”

I’m just saying you should weigh his actions more heavily than his words. Officers are basically trained to be insensitive, so his job just kinda brings out the worst in him is all.”

Jonghyun crossed his arms. “The worst of him is still part of him as far as I’m concerned.” He locked eyes with Minho and they stared each other out for a moment.

“Ok, ok, so he is somewhat of a jerk. But he helped you in the woods and he got you a nicer job today, he even gave you his glasses for god’s sake—“

Jonghyun choked. “He gave me his what!?”

“—Nothing.”

“These are his?” He said, tapping his lens.

The sergeant gulped. “I said nothing.”

“Minho~”

“He’ll kill me.”

“I thought you just said he was nice?” Jonghyun squeaked, his voice getting higher and higher.

“No I didn’t. I admitted he was a jerk.”

“You heavily implied.” Provided Taemin ~~un~~ helpfully.

“Prove it.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake. I’m done. Wake me up when lunch is over.” Jonghyun pushed his tray away and collapsed into his arms onto the table, only to be jerked out of them as Minho stood up a little too quickly.

“Well sorry, this was a great catch-up, but I really must go talk to those people over there. Very urgently.” He said before making his hasty escape.

 

❀

 

…Filing was so boring. So, so, soul crushingly boring. Jjong thanked the lord he’d never be a salary man, because this was more mind numbing and tedious than 100 hours of drill. He was almost wishing that the captain would come back in and shoot him. Or at least do _something_ , because Jonghyun was beginning to think that the other man would actually be easier to ignore if he was in the room. At least if he was physically _there_ being an asshole, then Jjong wouldn’t be left to wonder about how that stuck-up, heartless _ass_ was maybe in reality some kind of an undercover, wrinkle-free Mother Teresa, who made unfair assumptions and who was unfairly attractive and just generally _unfair_. It didn’t help that those stupid glasses were now just _looking_ at him from over the other side of the table where he’d banished them to. He had half a mind to pick them up and throw them out the stupid fancy window… although exactly what that would achieve…

Right on time, Kibum flounced in, stomped across the room and collapsed into his chair, looking even pissier than usual. _Not that Jonghyun cared about his wellbeing or anything._

“Good afternoon sunshine! I mean ~sir. How was your afternoon?“ He asked in a sarcastic drawl, knowing full well that it would provoke the other.

 “Oh for fuck’s sake. What? What have I done to offend you now?” He asked, throwing his arms in the air.

 “You read my personal file.” Jonghyun limped over to set his hands squarely on the captain’s desk, attempting, in some vain hope, to be intimidating.

“So?” Kibum glowered up at him. “Your _personnel_ file? Of course I’ve read it. I’m your commanding officer, I read it ages ago.”

“But… you—“

“Do you not realize that’s part of my job?”

“Yeah… but that comment you made was—“ Hurtful, if he was honest. Jjong knew that Kibum thought very little of him as a soldier. That was something that he’d accepted before he’d even arrived. But it hadn’t crossed his mind that Kibum could potentially think so little of him in other ways. It just hadn’t connected…

The captain rubbed the bridge of his nose. “What did I even say again?”

“Um....” Jonghyun shuffled his feet. “You implied that I was illiterate…”

“…”

“… And I assumed that you’d seen on my file that I didn’t finish school and that you wanted to rub it in my face.”

Kibum blinked. “I’m sorry if you thought that, that wasn’t my intention at all… I didn’t really have an intention... I didn’t even remember that that was the case. Please forget about it.”

“Well it hurt.”

“I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Well you did.”

“… Listen, Jonghyun, I…” Kibum faltered, drawing in a breath to gather himself. “You know, you can’t really expect me to be careful with my words, when you are so careless with yours all the time.”

“But have I ever said anything cruel to you?”

“Look, I’m sorry if I accidentally hit a nerve, but you called me a sadist not two days ago, and I think you meant it a fair bit more than I meant what I said…” Kibum looked tired. “Jonghyun, I think we both know that you’re overreacting.”

“I am not overreacting!”

“Private, you _are!_ ” Kibum’s voice cracked. “You have been here for over a month. There is no way that that is the harshest thing an officer has said to you!” (Perhaps that was true.) “Seriously, just tell me what it is. I am already much nicer to you than I ought to be. I have cut you, _you personally_ , so much slack, and don’t know why I have, because you are obviously determined to make me into a villain.”

Jonghyun almost felt bad, Kibum looked ragged. “I’m not determined to make you into a villain. You just…”

“I what?”

And what though? What could Jonghyun possibly say? He couldn’t string his own thoughts and feelings together for himself, let alone form them into anything fit for the captain’s ears. Just why had he taken this so far again? Why had ignored everything that Minho had been trying to tell him at lunch? Oh yeah, because he was a fucking idiot.

“…Why do you care so much what I think of you anyway?” He blurted out.

“…”

“…”

“Who says I do?”

Jonghyun reached around the back of his mind, desperately searching for an answer. “…Your actions!”

Kibum stared at him, dumbfounded. “Well, why do you care so much what _I_ think of _you_?” He said, his voice rising again in pitch.

“Who says _I_ do—”

“—Yeah well, I could have you locked in the guardhouse for speaking to me like this.” Kibum cut across him.

“Yeah well, I know you gave me these!” Jonghyun grabbed the glasses off his desk and threw them.

The captain stared at them, bug-eyed, as they skittered to a halt on the papers, right in front of him. There was a pregnant pause, before Kibum got up silently, slowly walked to the door, and it clicked shut behind him.

Jonghyun was left sweating. Shit. What had he done? What could he do? He couldn’t even escape the room, was the captain still out—

“You know, what of it?” Kibum asked, storming right back in.

Jonghyun stood blinking, speechless.

“WHAT Jonghyun!? Why did you start this!?”

“…” Fuck. “Maybe… maybe I kind of want you to care…” He admitted in a small voice. “…Just a little bit.”

“Man, you have issues.” Kibum said, flopping back down bonelessly into his high-backed office chair, hand over his eyes as if he didn’t want to see the world anymore. “…Well I guess you can have what you want.” He chuckled. “Against my better judgment I already do like you more than most of those other useless bastards… a bit… I’m not proud of it.”

_Wait what?_

“Happy now?”

_Yes._

“I mean this is a mess and if anyone has heard even part of this conversation then we would both be in a shit load of trouble, but if you’re satisfied, can we leave this alone now?”

_Absolutely._

But was he? Seeing the captain… defeated like this… Jonghyun suddenly understood then that he had a lot more power over him than he’d realized before. Sure, Kibum had his records, he could order him around, get him into temporary trouble… But Kibum... Jonghyun could put _permanent_ stains on his professional reputation. Kibum’s stakes, whatever they were, were always higher, he wasn’t playing a safe game at all. He should have twigged quicker after what had happened in the woods the previous night… But things had happened so quickly after that… And Kibum was now admitting he actually _liked_ him… Wasn’t he? He was reading the subtext correctly right?

“Listen, Kibum.” He said gently, not wishing to provoke the other any further. “If you want me to forget everything you’ve said to me… I _can_ do that.”

“No. Don’t do that” Kibum sighed, running his hand through his hair and resting his face in his palms. “I can’t tell you to forget it. It’s not like you will. I can only ask you, please, not to talk about it to anyone.”

 

❀

 

 

 


	7. Seven

★  


“You shouldn’t do that.”

Jinki eyed him, flicking a bit of ash off the end of his cigarette. “Oddly enough, I _do_ know that already.”

Bloody medical professionals… and It was always the doctors too. Minho had never in his professional life met a nutritionist, dermatologist, personal trainer, or anyone of that ilk, who was anything other than fanatically health-conscious… GPs and surgeons though — he’d never met one who didn’t smoke or drink or do something else to their bodies that they absolutely shouldn’t.

“Well then?” Minho said, stepping under the overhang the doctor was utilizing as a makeshift smoking shelter behind his office, out of the falling snow.

Jinki sighed and leant heavily against the brick. “It’s been a stressful day. It’s necessary.”

“Mine too,” Minho sniffed. “But you don’t see me recklessly polluting my lungs.”

“Hm?” Jinki cocked his head to the side. “What’s up?”

Minho stuck his cold hands in his pockets and settled beside his friend. “Kibum’s on his period again.”

“Hah! Right~”

“He almost bit my head off earlier!”

Jinki snorted. “You do realise that he lacks the necessary physical equipment to get those don’t you?”

“Secret womb?” Minho suggested.

Jinki narrowed his eyes and gave him ‘the look’. “What did you do?” He asked sternly.

“Nothing!—” Honestly it was _nothing…_ Alright, maybe he’d let the squadron off snow shovelling duty early because everyone complained they were about to get frostbite, and maybe he’d overlooked them doing a shitty job of it… But that totally did not justify the deeply personal and offensive tongue lashing he’d received. “—And you’ve never seen him dance. Believe me, secret womb is a valid theory.”

“I don’t believe you, and I think that might be sort of sexist.”

“Well, then he’s a werewolf, because I can’t think of any other reason why he always gets so fucking twitchy around the end of the month.” Minho huffed.

“…You mean, apart from that the first Sunday of the next month is always when his reports are due in, and that he always loses sleep trying to get them done on time?”

Oh. Well that explanation could also make sense. Maybe.

“Ok.” Minho conceded. “But I still think he’s still weirder than usual.”

Jinki exhaled his final puff of smoke and stubbed his cigarette out with the round toe of his boot. “I maybe agree with you there.” He said, pivoting to face Minho properly. His breath still smelt faintly fiery and Minho’s nostrils twitched with the persistent memory of that one time took up smoking for that one role.

“Then why were you disagreeing with me before?” He asked grumpily.

“Because you apparently think he’s a werewolf with a secret womb… On the other hand, _I_ think he’s just suffering from a little crush.”

Minho’s eyes went round. “A _what_ now?”

“A crush, you know, when a special someone makes your kokoro go doki doki… Yeesh, no wonder people say you’re unconvincing in romantic roles…”

“Hyung~” He whined. Not fair.

“Only joking! You’re great.” Jinki flashed him a trademark grin, which went an _annoyingly_ long way in soothing the burn.

“Yeah…. Well, on who? He told us he’d sworn off men after the Nam incident.”

“You really are blind aren’t you?” Jinki said, grinning as he stuck his fingers behind his ears and waggled his glasses.

What on earth was he doing?... Oh. No. “…What, Jjong??? Nooo~”

“Bingo.” Jinki nodded obnoxiously.

“No way.” Not allowed.

“Yes way.”

“But he’s _so_ not his type.”

“He likes him.” said Jinki.

“Yeah, well… he always secretly enjoys the difficult ones.” Reasoned Minho… and it _was_ kind of semi-true... definitely not a lie. “But he’s always, like always, been pretty clear that he doesn’t actually _like_ -like guys like Jjong.

“How so?” Asked Jinki.

Minho shrugged. “Like, bad boys I guess.”

“Jonghyun, bad? Are you being serious?” Jinki snickered.

“From Kibum’s perspective...”

“Come on, you can’t deny he has a soft spot.”

Minho didn’t like this at all, this sounded like trouble. He reached for his last resort. “But, but… Jjong isn’t gay and Kibum is far too smart to get hung up on the straight ones.”

Jinki sighed. “Now what makes you so sure that Jjong is straight though?”

“What makes you sure he isn’t?”

“I’m not… It’s just a possibility… Statistically.” He shrugged.

Minho didn’t really have any answer for statistics... Yes, he had never thought to consider that Jonghyun might like men, but Jonghyun really hadn’t really provided him with any reason to do so… Minho… maybe felt a little bad about the assumption now he was being questioned on it. Because he’d been lectured at length by everyone, from angsty teenage Kibum, to his current publicist, about how not all gay people look and act the same and that you couldn’t tell by looking, especially not _here_ … And yet it’d still never even crossed his mind that Jonghyun, or any member of his squad for that matter, might not be so into girls… or might like men, either exclusively or in addition to... or like nothing at all…

However, the more he thought about it, the more he realized that Jonghyun had never mentioned any girlfriends… and when asked about them he’d always skirted the question. Minho had also had a sneaky peek in Jonghyun’s notebook, and based on the mixture of distinctly break-upy, and incredibly horny lyrics that the other man had penned, Minho had just assumed that he’d had at least one woman in his life and just didn’t want to talk about it. However, whether those lyrics had actually been explicitly about a female subject or not…?

“ Jinki… you don’t really think?... What if they hook up?”

“I think that’s unlikely…”

Minho didn’t like it at all. If, _if_ Jinki’s hunch was right, then a hook up seemed very likely to him. Jinki hadn’t known Kibum as long as he had — he didn’t realise quite the extent of Kibum’s talent for getting exactly what he wanted... From the latest games console to the president of their school’s Christian Youth club, Kibum tended to end up with whatever he set his heart on. Of course, this would happen only _if_ Jonghyun was also on the same page, but _if_ Jjong liked men, then him also being attracted to the captain suddenly made a frightening amount of sense to Minho, because the private really was kind of weird about him… (And, as evidentiated by ~~horny/lonely~~ thirsty lyric writing, was probably well up for it too.) And _if_ Jonghyun liked men, specifically Kibum, then Minho could see absolutely no way that Kibum hadn’t picked up on it already, given how much time they’d spent alone together… And well… Fuck.

“At least Kibum might stop twitching if he gets laid?” Jinki supplied, filling the awkward dead-air left by Minho’s frantic inner-monologing.

Well that would be great wouldn’t it? But now the puzzle pieces were beginning to line up, Minho would bet his last Won on things not turning out to be that simple.

“Why are you looking so nauseous? Don’t tell me it makes you uncomfortable.”

“Of course it makes me uncomfortable Jinki… I don’t want to have to sit by and watch people I care about end up hurting each other.”

“Oh. I see your point…” Jinki said, lighting up another cigarette and passing it over. “But look on the bright side — it might not happen! And if it does, it might happen long after you’re discharged.”

Somehow Minho didn’t find that idea any more comforting.

❀  


It would never have occurred to Jonghyun that he’d miss doing physical activities with his squadron, but, now, as he came into his third week out of action, he’d never felt more left out.

Two full weeks of being an invalid… Well, not really an invalid, there were invalids that were much more in…valid, invalidated, less valid? No, that that was very wrong… er, more _invalid-y_ than he was. He was getting better, he was just still a bit wobbly, and sore, but he could walk and stand fine without support! …However, Jinki said that his ankle was far too weak to get back to doing stuff for a few more weeks yet, and that if he turned it again it’d be much, much worse the second time round… And so he was stuck by himself… peeling vegetables mostly. Of course that didn’t mean he got any more free time, or that he had any less work to do, but it did give him way too much time alone to think about stuff, life, the universe and everything etc.

E.t.c… The ‘Kibum incident’, as he’d taken to referring to it internally, had not come up again. Jonghyun, unsurprisingly, had not finished off the work he’d been set that afternoon, and had to return the next day. Kibum hadn’t said anything. _He_ hadn’t said anything. They’d just sat in silence and taken it in turns to stare at one another when they thought that the other wasn’t looking. It was excruciating… But it still wasn’t as bad as on the third morning, when Jonghyun had apprehensively crept back upstairs to the captain’s office yet again, only to find that no one was there. Lt. Soowook had unlocked the door for him and inside they’d found all of the boxes of files sorted and complete, with the tortoiseshell glasses on top of them. Kibum would’ve had to have stayed up almost the whole night to finish off by himself, and instead of being relieved that he’d be spared another day of torture, all Jonghyun felt was stung and disappointed. He’d taken it that that must’ve just been how badly the captain didn’t want to be around him.

Jonghyun’s new glasses had finally arrived a couple days later and wasn’t wearing the captain’s anymore… Well, honestly he wasn’t wearing anything at that moment because he was in the showers — half listening to the others bantering across the stalls about some ‘totally hilarious’ thing that’d happened outside during the day without him, half trying to recall what that poster in the infirmary had said about regularly checking his balls, and 100% feeling left out… That was until his train of thought was rudely interrupted by an ear-splitting bell.

Everyone, including the voices in Jjong’s head, shut up for a second. _“Is it a drill?”_ Someone yelled.

_“A drill?”_

_“It sounds like a drill…”_

_“What kind though?”_

_“EVERYONE OUT QUICKLY, ON THE DOUBLE! FULL BATTLE GEAR ON THE PARADE GROUND. COME ON LADIES, LOOK SHARP!”_

Shit, Kibum had arrived.

Jjong turned off the water. Fuck it, what was he supposed to do now? Was he exempt from this? And if he was, was he allowed to remain in the showers? Or should he get out too? Or should he just go back to the dorm and stay out of the way. Maybe he should just stay quiet and no one would know he was there, but they’d take roll call, they’d know he was missing… He was infact so torn with indecision that he ended up slipping and falling to the flat on his ass with a ~~yelp~~ manly exclamation, and the sharp, stinging thwack of bare flesh hitting wet tile.

“Jjong!?” The cubicle wall rattled as Corporal Dongmin’s head popped over, looking concerned.

_“Eugh, that was Kim falling on his ass wasn’t it?”_ Came the captain’s voice from outside.

“Er, yes sir.” Dongmin replied from above.

_“OK, LEAVE HIM! I’ll DEAL WITH IT, EVERYBODY ELSE HURRY IT UP!”_ Kibum shouted to the rapidly clearing room.

“Sorry mate.” Dongmin shrugged.

“’S’ok.” Jonghyun grunted as the corporal disappeared back over his side and out. If only.

“Kim?”

Shit.

“Are you hurt?”

Shit, shit, shit. Jonghyun tried to scramble to back up to his feet as he heard Kibum’s footsteps approaching round the cubicles, approaching where he was…

“Jonghyun?”

Too late. Kibum pushed open the door, his boots arriving in Jonghyun’s field of vision.

“Christ you really did fall flat on your ass. Here.” A hand was thrust out infront of him to take.

Jonghyun looked up at the captain from his awkward squat. His eyes travelling up a bare forearm, to Kibum’s rolled-up shirtsleeve at his elbow, following the line of his shoulder past his open collar, over the faint bump of his adam’s apple. Jonghyun gulped. “…I’m naked.” He replied.

Kibum furrowed his brows. “So?” He asked.

“This is humiliating enough already.”

“Oh for fu—“ He huffed and turned away. “I won’t look then.” He said, not withdrawing his hand. “Seriously… how have you survived so long here being such a prude? Yeesh, do you even have anything to be embarrassed about?”

_… No, but around you I can be as prudish as I like thanks ~~and now the water is turned off, it’s getting a bit nippy~~_ thought Jonghyun as his traitorous fingers closed around Kibum’s anyway, and he was heaved upwards with surprising strength. Suddenly all of Kibum was very close. Jjong could even feel the icy air radiating off Kibum’s clothes from where he’d been outside.

Kibum sighed.

Kibum sighed?

“Oh thank fuck, that’s so much better.”

Jonghyun’s lungs dropped into his stomach. “W-what?”

“…The bell.”

It’d stopped. Jonghyun hadn’t noticed. He’d too busy not staring at that part, just where the edge of Kibum’s jaw met Kibum’s ear.

He shook himself out of it. “You can let go you know. I was fine standing up by myself before.” He mumbled, jerking away from Kibum’s grip before the other anticipated it and loosing his balance again. Jjong felt himself going down as his feet slid beneath him on the wet tiles… but he never made impact, arms were looped around his waist and holy fuck, Kibum was _holding_ him now, one leg placed … _dangerously_ far forwards by the feel of it… There was fabric in his hands; he was gripping the front of Kibum’s shirt. Should he move them? Nope, where to? Jonghyun swore, if the captain looked down he was about to get an eyeful. Better hold eye contact… Nope, nope that was just as dangerous.

“Are you sure about that.?” Kibum chucked, little vertical lines appeared at the corners of his mouth that Jjong had never noticed before. “I think you’re blushing.”

“So are you.” He observed blankly… He was.

Kibum’s eyes flicked down Jjong’s torso. “Well it’s hot.” He said, reddening further. “…In here compared to outside… Privates… Um, I mean Private.”

Jonghyun could feel Kibum’s pulse thudding through the hands on his back, or maybe it was his. Kibum looked nervous, he was now staring at the ceiling, avoiding looking anywhere else.

“Kibum?”

The captain’s tongue flicked out to wet his lips as his eyes lowered to meet Jonghyun’s, and Jjong found himself leaning in, moved by some instinct… and Kibum’s arms followed him, drawing closer… and he looked… edgy, vulnerable, more so than he ever had before, or more than Jonghyun had ever imagined he would. He probably looked like that too… would Kibum mind? Was it time to be brave? He could feel Kibum’s breath fluttering softly against his upper lip… just one trifling inch for him to close and they were kissing.

A low noise rumbled up from deep in Kibum’s throat and Jonghyun’s breath hitched as his long fingers slid round to his hips, pulling him flush against his body. Kibum tasted like instant coffee and sweetener, and Jjong found that his wet palm fit perfectly against that part of his jaw that he’d been eyeing, making the captain jump a little at the touch.

Shit. “Is this ok?”

Kibum rolled his eyes. “Absolutely not.” He said, pulling Jonghyun back into him and kissing him harder, his teeth grazing Jonghyun’s lower lip. Jonghyun growled, a jolt of desperation taking hold of him, he wanted this, he thought, all of this. Right now. His fingers slipping under the wool of Kibum’s beret and through is hair, pushing it off onto the wet floor, moving down to Kibum’s chest scrabble at the captain’s buttons. Kibum chuckled into his mouth as he batted the private’s hands away to deal with it himself.

“I just _knew_ it.” Jonghyun said between ever more frantic kisses stolen as the shirt joined the beret.

“No you didn’t, shut up.”

“Yes sir.” Jonghyun agreed readily, tugging at Kibum’s belt and zipper, trying to get the damn things off. Now wasn’t the time to argue, it really was not.

Kibum winced a little as his trousers landed in a puddle.

Jjong halted. “It’s not too late have second thoughts you know.” …It still never hurt to double check.

Kibum raised an eyebrow. “Shouldn’t I be saying that to you?” He asked wryly, smirking as he stepped forwards, crowding Jjong against the wall, his voice hot and heavy in Jonghyun’s ear.

Shivers went racing down Jonghyun’s spine as his back hit the icy tiles behind him, followed by Kibum’s warm body plastered against his front, and a ripple of _want_ spread through his body, down to his toes and back again. “Point taken.” He squeaked as Kibum nosed along his jawline. “But I think I’m exactly where I want to be.”

“Hmm, I know... Now seriously, shut up or someone will hear us.”

❀  


 


	8. Eight

❀  


“Jjong~ Jjong! Jonghyun! Jjonggie~ Hey fuck-face, wake up!” Taemin whined.

Jonghyun was pulled out of his daze as a sharp flick hit him square on the nose. “Ouch! Huh? What was that for?”

“What are you’re doing spacing out like that? Spacing out is my thing. Now quit stealing my thing and entertain me.”

“Sorry Minnie~”

“Eugh” Taemin registered his disgust at the nickname. “Come on, talk to me man, I’m bored… Let me in on one of your bullshit ‘deep’ meditations, tell me a sad story, tell me about what it was like to have white hair, and have people stare at you in the street like you’re ‘really awesome’ — anything.” Jonghyun knew when was being made fun of… and he really missed his shiny white hair, so that was particularly unnecessary. Short military haircuts were symptom of the system of oppression… and they were unflattering to boot. ~~Good thing nature had made him sexy enough for it not to cramp his sexiness too fatally.~~

It had been about a week since Jonghyun and Kibum had ‘encountered’ each other in the showers, and he still wasn’t back on active duty, but his mood was oddly buoyant, (Even if he was a little disappointed that he hadn’t seen anything of the captain since.) Apparently, being out of action didn’t mean that he was exempt from sitting watch though, and so there he was, sat in a little concrete hut on stilts, on guard duty with Taemin. It was some time after 11pm, it was dark, and it was snowing hard. The hut, if that was a fair way to describe it, was barely big enough for the both of them, it had no door or windows, just gaping holes in 3 of it’s 4 walls, and to prevent them from freezing to death, there was a single electric heater huffing away on the floor — And it was currently doing a great job of burning the skin off Jonghyun’s toes whilst the rest of him threatened to catch frostbite... On balance, it was still probably still better than risking getting frostbite all over.

Outside of the hut, the camp’s floodlights illuminated everything nearby with an eerie, orange glow, and beyond their reach Jjong thought that he could see the occasional, glinting eyes of shy forest creatures. He was probably imagining that though. No animal in their right mind would want to loiter around the camp’s edge… Not unless they wanted to get caught in the coils of razor wire that snaked around the perimeter, or else accidentally shot.

Taemin was scrutinizing him carefully from underneath his helmet. “…You were thinking about something dirty weren’t you~”

“Huh!? What? I absolutely was not!”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of at your age you know.” Outrageous child. “Come on hyung, you can share… Are you missing your girlfriend~? Do you miss the way she— mff whhpphh phwwmm!” Jonghyun had grabbed the little bastard and tried to stuff a chunk of his fleece muffler into his mouth.

“Gahh, Get – off – me - you – filthy – old – man!” complained Taemin, batting Jonghyun off and following it up with a grin that said ‘ _only kidding.’_

“Don’t blink at me like that squirt. No one is ever going to buy your innocent act ever again after what you wrote on the wall in the toilets.” — It’d been absolute filth and somehow Jonghyun had been the one who ended up having to scrub it off. It was burned indelibly into his memory forever.

And to add insult to injury, Jonghyun _had_ been thinking about something dirty. Well who could blame him? He’d been given him plenty of material to work with by the captain, and a week later he still had some of marks left to prove it (And if any curious member of his squadron dared to ask, well then his slip was… more dramatic than anyone would have thought it could be. Health and safety was serious business you know. They really should complain to the facilities officer about how easy it was to fall in there and hit the side your neck on a tap. Hazardous. Disgraceful.)

However, apart from his lingering, self-satisfied glow, Jjong was more confused than ever before.

It was frustrating.

Every time he thought he’d made sense of his feelings about Kibum, put his emotions neatly into boxes, labeled them and stacked them away at the back of his mind — things had gone and developed in a way that he hadn’t been expecting, the boxes fell on the floor, and everything got muddled up again. In retrospect, he now realized that it had never been the content of his emotions that were causing the problem. He was unfortunately no stranger to finding himself liking someone, such as the captain, whom he probably shouldn’t like. He had more than enough experience with that particular problem, thank you very much. What it really was, was that since he’d laid eyes on Kibum, Jonghyun hadn’t known exactly _what_ he wanted from him, _whether_ he could have it, or _how_ he could ever get it — and he still wasn’t any clearer on that… A simple ‘no’ was quicker and easier to forget about than a ‘maybe’, and for every ‘no’ that Jonghyun had ever tried to place against the captain’s name, Kibum, and his infinite supply of mixed-messages, had managed to rub it out and swap it for a ‘maybe’.

So, how to deal with these ‘maybes’ then? …Kibum hadn’t really given him any indication that what they were doing in the showers was any more than a bit of fun — giving into animal urges, exploiting an opportunity. It wasn’t like they were in love. He had kept Jonghyun firmly, emotionally, at an arm’s length the whole time and afterwards. Possibly for the best, as Jjong didn’t see how they could hope get away with stunts like that on a regular basis, let alone anything more… personal… And that wasn’t necessarily bad! The anticipation of ‘was today the day he’d get another chance to get off with the captain in a sexy and string-free sort of way?’ was kind of thrilling; it added an extra flavor of hope to draw him through the days. So… why was he still not satisfied?…

“Hey… what makes you think I have a girlfriend? Didn’t I say that I was single?”

“Don’t worry JJong, we all know that you’re a sad loner who only talks to his sister on the phone… Although some of us think she’s really your girlfriend and incest roleplay just one of your kinks—”

That allegation was probably the most scarring thing that Jonghyun had ever, _ever_ heard… So he didn’t at all feel bad about swatting Taemin around the ears.

“How dare you, I thought that you respected me both as a hyung and as a musician?”

“All the respect I had for you as a musician left when you started singing that old S.E.S song in the showers the other day.”

“Fair enough…” Jjong conceded, “Although I also lost all respect for you when you started dancing along to it, naked.“

“Whatever. At least my manhood wasn’t in question. Yours though, no man should sing that high Jjong.” He said shaking his head. “It sounded like the captain had stamped on your balls—“

_“I did no such thing.”_

“CHRIST!” Taemin practically fell off his seat at their captain’s sudden appearance in the ‘doorway’. “I mean SIR! HAETAE YES SIR WHATEVER you say sir—“ He struggled to a standing salute.

“Private if you can’t even see me coming, then you clearly aren’t fit for duty.” Kibum said, hauling himself up into the cramped hut and brushing the snow from his coat off all over Jjong’s legs. “Go down to the cafeteria and get a cup of coffee… And then think very hard about how important it is to be alert and vigilant at all times.”

“Yessir… And should I come back at all...?”

Kibum glared him down. “You have half an hour. I’ll relieve you from your duty until a quarter to midnight.”

“Yes sir, thank you sir.” Taemin saluted, eagerly squeezing himself past Kibum to get out of the freezing hut. Jonghyun wondered just how he’d explain this to him later.

“What?? Why are you looking at me like that? He’s not going to suspect anything. Look at him, he’s a total innocent.” Said Kibum fondly, watching Taemin’s blurry figure fade into the distance, and for once it was Jjong’s turn to roll his eyes for once at the other’s naïveté.

Kibum took the seat next to Jjong, careful not to let their sides brush together, and an awkward silence fell over them. Jonghyun filled it by thinking about how pretty Kibum looked in the orange light… and how unfair it was that he wasn’t a regular private like Taemin and him. If it was like that then they could spend a whole night out here together.

“So why haven’t you called me?”

“…” Kibum looked at him like he was _very_ stupid.

“You know what I mean… just whatever the more military way of saying it is…”

“It’d look suspicious” The captain replied, stony faced.

“And that didn’t, just then? You can’t seriously believe that Taemin won’t ask questions? He’s not actually an idiot.”

“I’m well aware—”

“And you expect me to deal with it?” Jjong asked in disbelief. Talk about taking liberties...

“I don’t see why not. Who would he even go to? Minho? …It’s a calculated risk.”

“Yes a—aaand that’s another thing. I know you’ve been with Minho in the last week.”

Kibum sighed in exasperation at Jonghyun’s nagging. “Are you really going to get jealous, because if you are then I’ll leave you to it.” He said, standing up as if to go.

“No, that’s not what I meant!” Jjong said a little too desperately. “…I know that I have no right…”

Kibum paused, cocking his head to the side, seemingly confused at Jonghyun’s defeatist tone. “When did I say that you had no right?” It was Jonghyun’s turn to look puzzled. “…You have no _reason_ to _.._.”

“… So are you saying that I do have a right?” They’d obviously never said anything about being exclusive, so what was Kibum getting at? Were they really ‘together’ now as far as Kibum was concerned?

“No.”

Ok, maybe not then.

“… I’m saying that I’ve been thinking about it, and you _could potentially_ have the right, _if_ you can accept that you’ll never have a good reason.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t follow.” It was far to late for Jjong to able to process anything this cryptic.

“Hfff” Kibum breathed though his nose to gather himself. He seemed reluctant to put into words what he had to say. “Okay… If you agreed and we were… you know… It wouldn’t be the first time I’d had an ‘arrangement’ on base.” He looked a little penitent, but now that Jonghyun was more intimately acquainted with the captain he couldn’t say that he was particularly shocked... Besides, he was hardly in any position to judge the other man now, was he?

Kibum continued. “Never with a regular soldier before, only other officers. But still, I know it doesn’t typically work out well. Duty gets in the way, people get transferred, gossip gets around… That kind of thing.”

Jonghyun nodded along, worried about where this was all heading.

“But, _if_ you would like to continue this, because… I guess now that it’s happened, I would like…” (Despite himself, Jjong’s heart did a summersault.) “Then we _have_ to be level-headed… I will do what I can, but I cannot tear down the army or my own career to spend time with you. Understand?”

“Yessir.” Jonghyun had honestly expected something worse. He still didn’t quite get what Kibum was offering him, but it sounded a lot better than just ‘no’, maybe even better than ‘maybe’.

“And we have to trust each other.”

“Why wouldn’t you trust me?”

“Gosh, I don’t know? Maybe because other than Minho’s good word, I don’t really know you very well… Think about it from my perspective; what would you really have to lose from us getting exposed? Sure you’ll be kicked out of the army, possibly spend a year in prison instead of here depending — But I’m imagining no professional repercussions you couldn’t get over other than a bit of shame, maybe changing your name, moving city. But I don’t know if you’d care?”

“You know I think I _probably_ _would_.”

Kibum ignored him and carried on, becoming more and more frantic sounding. Jonghyun decided to let him get on with it. “And if we didn’t get caught, then what about after you go back to your normal life? I’ll still be here with that threat hanging over me forever. You could end me at any time if you wanted to. You could sell the story when I’m a wrinkly, 50 year old general and take me down—”

“—Kibum calm down, we just jerked each other off in a shower. _We_. I assume, because _we_ both wanted to. Why would I sell you out for that? …Unless you’re planning on giving me a reason to resent you? And you could still sue me for everything I have if I grassed! And even then, I’m not malicious enough to mess up your career. I know what that’s like—”

“But you’re already messing up my career!”

“What? How on earth…?“

“Didn’t you read those files you were sorting...?” Shock and mortification bloomed on the captain’s face, “Oh my god, you aren’t really illiterate are you??” He slapped a hand over his mouth.

“Nooo!” Jonghyun couldn’t help but laugh at him. He looked so young and clueless like that. “I can read perfectly well thanks… They were just marked secret… and besides they were really boring.” He added reasonably.

“Ugh,” Kibum huffed, relaxing back into his more normal, haughty demeanor, “No wonder you suck so hard at any task that involves strategic thinking.”

The captain was so efficient at finding faults in him, that Jonghyun was surprised he hadn’t been handed a written evaluation of the other night’s performance yet.

“Look. I’m in charge of this section right?”

“Well the major—“ Jjong began, but was stopped in his tracks by a stern glare. “Yes, right.”

“So, how you all perform reflects back onto me… You don’t improve, therefore I look incompetent, therefore I don’t get promoted… See?”

“Oh… I guess… I’m sorry? And I’m really not going to tell anyone anything either.” He didn’t know if he really _was_ sorry. Kibum’s job performance was his own business and Jonghyun didn’t like the idea of admitting he could honestly try a bit harder at soldiering, but he still felt sorry for him in an abstract sort of way. It seemed there were a lot more things than Jonghyun knew weighing the captain down.

“Well you better be. Because you know you really are beyond useless.” Said the captain, pointing a finger at him. “And you made me ruin my boots.”

“Hey! I didn’t tell you to not take them off.”

“I would have remembered if you weren’t distracting me.”

“It’s not my fault you find me irresistibly attractive.” Jonghyun winked at him.

“Oh just shush.”

“Yes sir.”

“And stop ‘Yessir-ing’ me when we’re alone…” Kibum grumbled. “It’s weird now.”

“Sorry.”

“Hmph. Seriously, I thought you’d want to take a break from hierarchy whenever you can. You normally seem to hate it... Unless it’s some weird kink you’ve got going on.”

Jonghyun didn’t know why he was touched that Kibum had noticed that about him. In any other situation he would have phrased it as another of his failings, but now he sounded sympathetic… Hang on.

“Hey! That’s the second weird kink I’ve been accused of having today, and I most certainly do not.”

“Just so you know, I would be willing to accommodate it.”

“I do not have… _that_ particular weird kink.” Jonghyn protested.

“Take advantage of whatever you can get Jjonggie.”

Oh interesting... “So what can I get… Kibummie~?”

“Eugh” Kibum snorted at the endearment, crossing his arms huffily in his thick, grey overcoat.

Jonghyun wasn’t fooled. The captain obviously wasn’t nearly as repulsed by affection as he liked to pretend. So he leant over to peck him on the sweetly on the cheek.

Kibum froze, and looked like he might have been blushing, but in the dark it was hard to tell. “Don’t turn romantic on me now, after I said all that about being sensible… You’re not going to win.”

“Me? Romantic? Never! I’m just taking whatever I can get” Jonghyun said, bundling Kibum off his chair and into his lap, chuckling. Kibum was really quite pliable when he was flustered.

“Don’t bullshit me Kim. I can read you like a book. I know your type.” Jonghyun could tell that Kibum wasn’t really annoyed because he’d also kissed him on the top of his nose… Far preferable to being flicked… He hoped that Taemin took his time coming back, this would be a great time for him to be late.

He had an inkling that he might be giving the captain _exactly_ what he wanted, far too easily. Kibum had perhaps proven himself to be softer than his first impression, but Jonghyun was still aware that the other could throw him under the bus the minute that he got in the way. Still… He’d been given a fair warning now, and more clarity than in his wildest dreams of 10 minutes ago… And cuddling like this was nice. Far too nice for him to let the opportunity slip through his fingers.

❀


	9. Nine

 

o ᚂ

 

General Park was the type of commander people tend to want to describe as ‘a father to his men’; over 60 years old, over 6 feet tall, affable, and the proud owner of a very imposing pair of eyebrows — as white as the hair on his head and at least twice as thick. Kibum wouldn’t have chosen to describe the general that way, simply because he was nothing like his father. He wasn’t even much like his grandfather, despite the two men being around the same age and in the same profession. Sometimes, Kibum wondered whether the older man’s charisma was the result of his great frame, or something he’d developed by experience, it’d be useful to know to know for future reference…

“Good morning sir.”

“Ah Captain. Good morning.” He looked up from his papers as Kibum entered his office, setting his pen down and welcoming him into the room. “Sorry to get you running over here like this, hope I didn’t interrupt anything too important.”

“Not at all sir. Just the usual paperwork.” Kibum replied politely.

“Hmph paperwork. Seems to take up more time ever year.” The general muttered, looking down at his own. “Well, for once I haven’t got you in here to talk about paperwork my boy, so don’t worry.” Kibum instantly worried. Sure, paperwork wasn’t his favorite thing on the planet either, but he inferred from the general’s tone that whatever he was about to be ordered to do was considered ‘fun’, and ‘fun’ in the general’s book usually seemed to involve camping. Kibum did not think that camping was ‘fun’. “There’s been an order come through from central, we need a party to go up and inspect the transmitter on Mt. Gamsiin.”

Kibum nodded, ugh, his hunch had been right. Mt. Gamsiin was the highest peak in their patrol area, and far from the most accessible, especially in the winter. “Is there a problem with it sir? With the conditions as they are, there’s no chance we’d get a full unit up there for a couple of weeks yet.” He said.

“They say it’s stopped reporting properly. Hypothesis is snow, or a goat, or something might have damaged it. So they just need us to go check it out as soon as we’re able. Take a smallish platoon and a few technicians when you’re ready. You’ve been up there before?”

“Yes sir, last summer. Very good sir.” Kibum saluted.

“Good.” Although apparently perfectly satisfied with his answer, the general still peered out from under his eyebrows to scrutinize the junior officer more closely. Kibum felt his hackles raise. “…Are you alright Captain? You seem out of sorts.” He asked.

“Not at all sir.” Kibum didn’t want the general taking too much of an interest in his affairs… for obvious reasons. Still, there might be something to be gained from mixing business and pleasure this time. Minho was due to be discharged before the beginning of summer and… “Do I have a free hand in choosing the men?”

“Yes, yes of course my boy, whatever you see fit. Probably a good opportunity to take a few of the greener ones out though. Short exercise, not too taxing and all that…. Take Lieutenant Soowook as well, that boy needs toughening up if you ask me, he’s wetter than an otter’s pocket.”

“Er, yes sir. Just what I was thinking too sir.” Kibum bluffed, although to be fair, bringing Minho, as he intended to, also meant bringing Jonghyun and Private Lee along as well, and they were yet to come out on a real exercise. So really it was the best solution all round…

“Good, good...” Nodded the general. “Say, speaking of the men, I read your report.”

“Sir? What did you make of it?“ Kibum fought the urge to shuffle his feet, he was suddenly a little nervous. It wasn’t that he was scared of the general at all, but he’d never liked being told that his work was anything less than perfect.

“It was very… um… satisfactory. Should go down well.”

There was clearly something wrong.

“I’m glad sir.”

The general sighed and fixed Kibum with an appraising gaze over the tops of his laced fingers. “You ought to be careful.”

“Sorry sir, I don’t follow.”

The general continued, his tone measured. “The military is essentially a conservative institution Captain. You know this very well — and yet you insist on pointing out things which could be changed.”

“Sir, I know I might have ruffled some feathers… But I’ve never made trouble for anyone other than myself. It’s not like I’m suggesting anything radical. It’s just admin really.”

“True, true. But you want to avoid being marked out as a progressive.” Park looked tired then, and Kibum wondered what might have happened to him in the past. He was an old man, he must have served at least 50 years, yet he still only had one star on his epaulettes, one less than many younger than him. “You have an establishment name; you don’t want to go spoiling your chances by gaining an outsider’s reputation.”

“With all due respec—“

“Stop, I only say this because I want you to do well Kibum. There are lots of people who want you to do well. I can see that you have ambition, _and_ aptitude… But sometimes you lack tact.”

“Tact sir.” Kibum said, incensed. “I’m afraid I have to disagree—“

The general cut him off. “See that is exactly what I mean.”

“Ah… yes sir, I see your point sir.” He conceded, looking down at his feet.

“Keep your head down Captain. Don’t take risks, and play by our rules for now… and _then_ one day you’ll be in a position to make your own.”

 

Play by their rules… pssht. Don’t think for yourself was more like it. Don’t do your best and accidentally get caught showing up some old bastard. Don’t get caught doing anything... Kibum kicked at the gravel on the path. There was no reason for the general’s words to have sent him into such a sulk. Nothing was new. Everything was boring… And the old man _did_ mean well. But pssht.

As Kibum drew closer to reconnaissance barracks he noticed a line of men snaking away from the building in full gear, out for the day on stamina training… Don’t get caught… Hmm. Jonghyun wouldn’t be with them; so where was he then? Kibum clicked his tongue, thinking. There _was_ another big stack of files in his office that needed to be sorted through. Maybe whatever Jonghyun had been assigned to could be deemed less important than getting that started right now?

 

❀

 

Jonghyun practically skipped up the staircase to Kibum’s office, or, well, hopped as well as he could. Both his pain and his heart were much lighter than the last time he’d been summoned up there. He wasn’t any clearer than the last time about exactly what Kibum wanted with him — but this time around he reasoned that there was at least a 50% chance that it was sex, and he liked those odds very much. After all, it was a golden opportunity, almost the whole company was out, and he only had another week or two at best/worst of being excluded from normal training.

Kibum glowered at him from his chair as he bounced into the room unannounced, but Jjong was not going to be put off that easily, not when he caught a sparkle in the captain’s eye and a slight twitch at the corners of his mouth where he was repressing a smile.

“What are you looking so happy about?”

“I’ve got the prettiest officer on base to suck my dick _sir_. What’s there not to be happy about?” Jonghyun said, swaggering over to the desk and propping himself up on the corner ~louchely~.

Kibum looked up at him from under heavy eyebrows, the faint flush of rose along his cheekbones made him look even prettier in Jjong’s opinion… Pretty in a crude sort of way, mannish in a delicate sort of way… what was even going on there? He made a note to think further poetic thoughts about it at a later date.

“I’ve never sucked your dick.”

“You will though.” He winked.

Kibum exhaled through his nose, “Don’t count on it.” He said, and promptly shoved the dumb lump off his desk with both hands. “Now could you please sit down and get on with that. I could really do with your help.”

“Oh you’re no fun.” Jonghyun grumbled as he shuffled round to take a seat behind the familiar spare desk at the side of the room.

Kibum rolled his eyes as he switched on his monitor and the ancient pc whirred into life. “Can you never simply do as you’re told?”

Jjong wiggled eyebrows over at the captain. “I can do as I’m told… if that’s what you’re into.” There had to be some payback for Kibum teasing him the other night… and there _had_ to be some kind of embarrassing secret that he could flush out of the other man…

He was assiduously ignored.

Finding no entertainment, Jonghyun huffed and retreated for a minute, digging into the boxes at it his feet to grab a few files to get started on…

“Seriously though, _is_ that what you’re into?”

His question was returned with strong side-eye. “That’s none of your business.”

“Yeah, but it could be. I’m yours to command oh commanding-one.” After all, openness was the key to any successful sexual relationship… and talking incessantly about the subject was more likely to lead to sex right now in the present, than not talking about it and doing some, very, very dry, admin.

“Okay then... Right now it is so what I’m in to. Babe, it would be so hot if you could just pick up that sexy little pen on the desk there and get ticking with it.” Kibum deadpanned, clicking away at his screen… Jonghyun had the oddest feeling that he _might_ be being mocked.

“I’m just trying to make conversation.”

“If you’re not going to be of any use, then you can piss off and go back to peeling potatoes.” Kibum replied without looking at him, eyes still glued to his monitor.

But Jonghyun wasn’t about to give up, “I have many uses~” He replied, with as much insinuation as he could muster.

Kibum hummed. “Well that might be what you think…”

 

“Gah!” Jonghyun collapsed forwards onto his desk after a few minutes of _extremely_ tedious work, mostly spent rubbing out the mistakes he kept making. “Kibum, why have you gotten me up here to do all your work for you? I was injured in the line of duty, if anything _you_ should be doing my work.” He whined into the forms.

“You don’t have any work for me to do dumbo. I can hardly march around the parade ground on your behalf.” Kibum’s lips curled into a fond smirk despite his words. “If you don’t like it you can make a formal request to be reassigned… But whatever job I decide to give you might not offer the same kind of perks as this one.”

“I’m yet to see any perks.” Jjong grumbled. So unfair, this was why relationships with superiors were banned, stupid power imbalance…

“Stop cheeking your senior officers and you might.”

There was a glint in the captain’s eye as he slowly got up and prowled towards Jjong, draping himself forwards, resting on his elbows right over the top of the private’s desk until their faces drew level to one another.

Jonghyun gulped. “Er…? Hello there.”

Kibum smirked “Behave and you might earn a treat.” He purred and flicked him lightly on the nose with a biro.

Jonghyun did his best to look unaffected despite the uninvited stirring in his nether regions. “Says the man now sitting all over my papers like some kind of giant man-cat.” Kibum just smirked and flicked him again, letting Jonghyun snap playfully at the offending pen, before getting up and returning to his own seat, with what Jjong could have sworn was and extra swish in his step. Smug bastard.

“Just shut up, you can have a break in half an hour.”

“Sorry _sir_.” Stupid sexy captain.

“What did I tell you about calling me sir.”

 

o ᚂ

 

Kibum watched the seconds tick down on his display… it had been over 2 hours and Jonghyun had _still_ not asked for a break, or whined, or whinged or even coughed in an irritating or distracting fashion. It was really… _really_ distracting. Just look at him, all... conscientious… It was unnatural. He was up to something. Probably trying to lure him in with all of this diligence…. Had he taken it seriously when Kibum had said that he found working hot? Was he actually that eager to please? … Fuck he had nice shoulders…

Jonghyun looked up and Kibum quickly snapped his attention back to his screen, pretending that he hadn’t been watching.

“Kibum~”

Shit, too late.

“Yes Pervert— sorry I mean _Private_ Kim?” Kibum said, feigning disinterest.

“See something you like?”

“No.”

“Suit yourself then sir.” Jonghyun shrugged, getting his head back down and carrying on.

Kibum sat there dumbstruck, his nostrils flaring. How dare _he_ _win._

 

Another 30 minutes ticked by. And at least Jonghyun _was_ being useful, even if he was deviously avoiding being interesting. Kibum meanwhile was thinking that his eyes hurt from all his staring at spreadsheets, and that he’d like a cup of coffee, and that he could ask Jjong to go get one for him. Or even better, make Jjong go get one for him. But that that probably wasn’t worth it because of all the moaning which would ensue.

“Captain?”

“What.” Kibum replied, more sharply than he intended to, as Jonghyun unexpectedly snapped him out of his thoughts.

“I was wondering… How is it that you manage to perform data entry so sexily?”

Kibum swallowed a bubble of laughter that threatened to escape his throat, that had to be the stupidest opener he had ever heard. “You know I think that’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.” He said, unable to keep the smile from reaching his voice.

Jonghyun must have noticed it as he doubled down. “Do you think I could learn how to too?”

“No.” Kibum sniffed, trying to look disdainfully at the private and regain his air of lofty indifference. “It’s actually an innate talent… for officer material only, infantry could never.”

“I bet a skill like that can get a man a long way.”

“Well not everyone is out to use their sex appeal to get special treatment Private Kim. _Some_ of us get what we want by working hard and being good at our jobs.” Kibum hummed, managing fill a couple more cells on his sheet with some flourish.

“I have been working hard!” Jonghyun complained. “Besides I not using my sex appeal, I’m using blatant flattery.”

Kibum considered at him, rubbing his chin. “Hmmm funny, blatant flattery usually works better on me than that, you must not be trying hard enough.”

“Maybe I’m just failing to capture your beauty and grace sufficiently darling, would you like me to write you a song?”

Kibum snickered despite himself, this was too silly for him to hold up the act any longer. “Seriously stop it. If you want to suck up to me properly then you need to be a bit more convincing that that.”

“Do you have any tips?” Jonghyun asked, as they shared a genuine smile which totally did not warm the cockles of Kibum’s cold and flinty heart.

“If you want brown-nosing tips then take notes from Soowook.”

“Wait… WHaT!?”

“What?” Kibum replied, confused.

“Nothing.” Jonghyun said quickly, looking sheepish.

Hang on a second… “OH my _God_. Private Kim Jonghyun, get your mind out of the gutter.” Brown-nosing. Kibum gagged. “I have never been more disgusted in my life. Ew.” He coughed, until Jonghyun started laughing at him, and he began to laugh hysterically and gag at the same time. “Ugh gross, I feel dirty. I feel dirty enough when he’s kissing my ass to get a good repo— EUGH! Stop ruining metaphors for me.” He whined as Jonghyun almost fell off his chair in a fit of giggles. “You’re going to have to brown-nose twice as hard to make up for this.”

“Well gladly,” Jonghyun replied through tears. “But that would be really embarrassing position to be caught in if someone walked in on us.”

Kibum could only agree. “But it might be worth it to see the looks on their faces.”

When they’d both caught their breath and calmed down, Jonghyun spoke again. “But, out of interest, do you play that game Kibum?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.

“Brown-nosing? Are we talking literally or figuratively or both now?”

“I mean… figuratively… Although the literal answer might be good to know for future reference as well.” He added cheekily.

“Ha ha.” Kibum replied. “Umm, well, it has to be done to an extent, I’m always being ~advised that I’m not good enough at it.” He said, thinking back to earlier that morning, Jonghyun of course saw that as a cue to snigger. “… Mature.” Annoying ass, he was going to get it.

Kibum left his chair once more, and looped round until he was standing behind Jonghyun, thumbs pressing gently against the back of his neck. The sniggering abruptly stopped. “But really I believe that nothing is any substitute for _hard_ work.” He continued, breathing heavily into Jonghyun’s ear, his hands dragging downwards, over Jonghyun’s toned torso to splay out on his slightly quivering thighs. “You know, you’ve been working pretty hard for the last few hours. That’s almost impressive… for you.”

Jonghyun’s breath hitched. “Could you say that again without the backhanded compliment maybe?”

“Sorry.” Kibum replied, nuzzling into the private’s jaw. “Habit.”

“Nevermind… Y—you were saying?”

“Oh yes. Such conscientiousness might deserve a reward from your commanding officer.” Kibum said, punctuating his words by catching Jonghyun’s earlobe between his teeth and tugging gently on it.

Jonghyun squeaked. “… Are you _sure_ it’s not _you_ who wants me to call you sir?”

“I’m just stating the facts of the situation — Whatever gives you the idea that it’s anything more?”

“I wonder. _Sir~_.”

Kibum huffed, swinging himself around to sit firmly in Jonghyun’s lap. He’d show him who, _literally,_ was the boss around here. “Jonghyun, you really need to let go of this one, so I can introduce you to my actually fun kinks.”

“Er, noted.”

“You promise to listen and do exactly as I say?”

“Absolutely.”

Kibum nodded curtly. “Good job then private.” He said, patting Jjong’s cheek and smiling sweetly. “Only 3 more boxes left, company should be back by then and you can got to dinner.”

“Kibum.” Jonghyun growled, grabbing the captain’s hips to stop him from getting up.

Kibum grinned. “I almost got you there didn’t I?”

“You bastard.”

“Absolutely.”

 

❀

 

 


	10. Ten

 

❀

 

Today was Jonghyun’s day on the cleaning rota… Technically most days were Jonghyun’s day on the cleaning rota, because being in the army really seemed to involve a lot more cleaning than it did doing anything else. From cleaning your boots, to your gun, to your billet, to the third-floor windows on the Control Center — everything needed to be cleaned _all_ the time… Or at least that’s what it felt like.

But today was mopping day and Jonghyun actually quite liked mopping. Mopping was a fairly safe, odorless job, and he got to whiz around the corridors, with his bucket with the cute little wheels on, making everything wet and shiny. Not bad at all… It certainly beat scrubbing out the toilets, and because no one had long hair or pets, it was actually even less gross than when he had to do it at home, or as part of that night cleaning job he once took to help with the bills.

He’d almost made a full circuit round the lower floor corridors. Jjong found the repetitive, methodical nature of the task kind of meditative, really getting into the rhythm of the mop, sweeping back and forth across the corridor, into the bucket, out of the bucket, back and forth, back and forth, humming a tune he’d been working on as he went. It was catchy, he really ought to remember to write it down before it slipped away from him… He was perfectly content usually, until he got close to rounding the last corner, at which point he tended to get more focused on the end-game and speed up, thinking of being able to enjoy his the remainder of the night with the rest of the squadron. He was almost there now, and ready to rush the last bit so he could get free…

…Until he saw _them_ , a semi-circle of muddy boot prints, coming in from outside and going round into the stairwell. How dare they! Fresh, ugly, smeary foot prints on his nice shiny floor. A crime. An outrage.

Jonghyun marched over into the stairwell, incensed. “Hey! Who the hell do you think you are!? Trudging your dirty feet in here when I’ve just cleaned!?” He shouted up the stairs. He didn’t think for a moment about whether the culprit might still be climbing them—

To his horror Kibum’s head poked over the banister. It looked… irritated.

Just because he and the captain now had a ‘thing’ now, it didn’t mean that that captain had actually stopped telling him off, or being a dick to him on duty. Obviously, that would look really weird to everyone else, and Kibum had made it perfectly clear to him that he would only stop being hard on Jonghyun in public when Jonghyun had started earning it. In private, charm worked fine, but Jonghyun had quickly figured out that the easiest way to get Kibum to shut up and stop playing power games, was just to jump him… However that wasn’t really any use out here, in the stairwell, where anyone could run into them.

“The question is more, who the hell do you think you are Private?” The captain began to descend the stairs. Jonghyun gulped. “Is that any way to speak to a senior officer? Or…” Kibum looked up behind him, to check for witnesses. “What if it hadn’t been me you bloody idiot.” He hissed.

Jonghyun relaxed. “If I’d known it was you, I would have been much ruder.”

“ _You~._ If one of the other officers doesn’t kill you one day, I swear _I_ will... Actually, forget me, one day the enemy is going to hop over the fence just to get to get you and you specifically because you are that annoying. Is it really _that_ difficult to check Jjong?” Kibum had reached ground level now, and was toe to toe with him. The stairwell had glass fire doors at either end, so they’d catch sight of anyone coming, before they caught them.

“Kibum, the ‘enemy’ is not going to get me.” Jonghyun said, making air quotes. “The ‘enemy’ is over there… behind that wall, and that mountain, and that mile-wide minefield… and they can’t even hear me being annoying from there!”

“That’s not the point.” Kibum pouted, looking at his feet.

“Is this about your reports again?” Jonghyun asked, realizing that the captain’s current rattyness had probably started long before he’d trodden mud in all through the foyer.

“Maybe.”

Jonghyun hoped that this wasn’t connected to what Kibum had said before, about the general telling him off for the lack of headway he was making with training the troops. If that was the case then Jjong might have to feel a little guilty about his part in it... If it wasn’t the case, then the poor captain still looked like he needed a shoulder to lean on. In fact, now that Jjong was seeing Kibum up close, he seemed even more stressed out than he had done a couple of weeks before, and Jonghyun couldn’t help but wonder how long it would be before the cracks got near enough the surface for everyone else to see too. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

“Do you want to take it out on someone…” He asked tentatively. “And by someone I mean me… and just so we’re clear, by take it out, I mean se— or talking! We could talk too if you’d rather.”

Kibum cocked his head, measuring up Jonghyun for a second before making up is mind. He darted out into the hall, checking both ways that there was no one coming, before grabbing Jonghyun, mop and all, and manhandling him into the cleaning cupboard on the other side, kicking the bucket in first, switching on the light and twisting the lock behind them before Jonghyun even had a chance to register what was going on.

He practically threw himself at the private. Bundling the other into the corner and kissing the breath out of him as his hands tried to push their way into his clothes, searching for skin to paw at. “How long do you think we’ve got before someone comes to look for you?” Kibum asked, between his eager kisses.

“Sergeant Major said I could go as soon as I was done— Ah!” Kibum pushed Jonghyun’s hips forcefully into the wall, getting a knee between them for the other to grind down on, desperately seeking friction.

“Your squadron?”

“They won’t miss me.”

“Good.” The captain replied, sweeping Jonghyun into another kiss, more tender than any of the ones preceding it. “You know, you were pretty cute when you were angry back then.”

“Well you’re terrifying, and you’re angry always, and that’s why we’re working on finding a healthy outlet together here… Wait, hold up, ‘ _cute!?’_ ”

“Absolutely adorable.” Kibum confirmed.

“I am _not_ cute.” He did _not_ just stamp his foot.

“ _Shhh,_ keep it down, and, uh, yes you are, your eyes get so big and round, and you’re so little.”

Jjong’s eyes bulged. “Well you’re not tall either.”

“Yeah~ And yet you’re still shorter than me.”

“Yeah… Well you’re cute when you giggle Mister high and mighty.” Jonghyun said, putting an end to Kibum’s giggles by attacking a collarbone with his teeth.

“Fuck, okay hang on.” Kibum gasped. He turned to rifle through the shelves at the back of the cupboard.

Jonghyun couldn’t think what for, not when there was a perfectly good _him,_ waiting right there to be rifled through. He cottoned on soon enough though, when Kibum found something to throw to the floor to kneel on, his hands going straight to unhook Jonghyun’s belt with deft efficiency, the space so tight that his toes were almost jammed against the opposite wall. Jonghyun screwed up his eyes as warm hand made contact with his rapidly hardening cock, shivering as Kibum wrapped a lose circle around it, teasing the sensitive skin.

“Well at least watch me asshole, you’re the one who said you wanted the ‘prettiest officer’ to do this.”

“Can’t, it’ll be over too quickly.” He replied, cracking an eye open anyway.

Kibum swatted his thigh with his spare hand… a little harder than he needed to. “Well I like an audience, and I’d also like to keep the feeling in my knees, so open up buddy.”

Jjong quirked an eyebrow, looking down at the captain warily. It obviously wasn’t the first time he’d seen someone eye up his junk with intent, but god, if Kibum didn’t make his legs turn to jelly. He looked like he meant _business_ and Jonghyun had the funniest feeling that he could deliver _._

Kibum just shrugged. “Attention gives me motivation.” He said matter-of-factlly, closing his lips, hot over the tip of Jonghyun’s penis.

“Holy shit.” So much for build up. Kibum really did mean business, working with the enthusiasm of someone who had been aching to for _weeks_ , and with a jolt Jjong realized, properly for the first time, that maybe the captain really had been wanting this just as much as he had. Within minutes his cum was streaked white across the captain’s perfect skin, and his fingertips were clutching ineffectually against the bare bricks behind him as he shuddered through the aftershocks.

Kibum looked up, his eyes glinting dangerously at Jonghyun as he slowly began to push the liquid across his cheek, between reddened lips.

“Fuck, you can’t do that.” Jonghyun whined, hypnotized by the motion.

Kibum smiled his most cat like smile, sucking the last drop from his thumb. “If I want to, why not?”

“You just can’t.” Jonghyun shook his head, half laughing as he stroked Kibum’s jaw, drawing him up into a deep kiss that tasted of exactly where his mouth had been, not that Jjong could care less. “I’ll want you to do it again.”

Kibum returned the kiss with teeth, whimpering in need against Jjong’s lips and flicking some primal switch in his chest that he wasn’t entirely sure he’d known was there before. Growling, he spun the captain, shoving him roughly against the wall. “Alright?” He asked, nudging Kibum’s legs apart until he reached a sensible height.

“Fuck yes.” Kibum groaned in eagerness and braced himself on his forearms as Jonghyun plastered his body, flush up against the captain’s back too feel as much of him as possible; reaching one hand to seek out his weeping cock and curling the other possessively around his chest, slipping between buttons to scratch against his skin with blunt nails. “ _Move._ ”

“Yes s— … I mean just yes, absolutle—”

“ _Jonghyun!_ Get on with it or I swear I wil—”

“Quiet.” Jonghyun ordered, placing a firm nip at the base of Kibum’s neck, quickly peppering kisses over the mark in unneeded apology as he tightened his grip and began to stroke Kibum in earnest, snapping his hips into the rhythm even though he was already totally spent, filling the the air with the muffled sound of fabric hitting fabric and sharp little pants.

“Jjong?” Kibum moaned, his voice raw as he arched his back into Jonghyun’s torso. Jonghyun’s reply escaped him as a whimper, the friction robbing him of his voice. “Fuck, more— Jjong, one day, I promise we’re going to do this properly. None of this clothes on in the cupboard bullshit.”

Visions of sun-lit pale limbs and red lips flooded into Jonghyun’s mind, dark hair on white sheets. Wouldn’t that be heaven? He thought, moving his spare hand to the wall beside Kibum’s, lacing their fingers together. Wouldn’t it be perfect? As Kibum shuddered towards his peak, tensing and moaning softly as he spilled over into Jonghyun’s fist.

It sure would be close.

After a moment Kibum spoke. “I think I’m going to need to sit down now.”

“Mhmm.” Jjong replied by collapsing them backwards into a sweaty, boneless heap on the floor. They stayed there for a second, sandwiched between the walls, catching their breath. Jonghyun gently carding his sticky fingers through the captain’s hair with affection. He could almost imagine Kibum was purring. Jjong knew he was already more attached to Kibum than he ought to be, but who in the world could blame him at a time like this.

“It smells awful in here.”

Jonghyun chuckled. “It really does.”

“Men are gross.”

“I don't know if I'd go that far.” He replied, drinking in the image of the face resting on his chest.

Suddenly Kibum tensed in his arms. “Someone’s coming.”

Jonghyun listened, he could just make out the faint tap-tapping of footsteps approaching down the corridor.

 _“Wasn’t Jjong supposed to be cleaning this?”_ Minho’s distinctive booming voice floated in from outside, dampened by the heavy wood. Shit. Kibum exchanged a nervous glance with Jonghyun, at least having the decency to look a bit guilty as well. _“There’s mud all over here… It’s not like him to miss a patch.”_

_“Yeah, only ‘cause he knows he’ll get done for it.”_

_“And I suppose Jiwoon, you do shit properly because of your innate sense of decency and principle?”_

_“Fair point.”_

The men snickered and Jonghyun figured there was probably the better part of his squadron there, on their way out for the rest of the evening.

_“They must have come in after he’d finished up. Looks like it was one of those jerks from upstairs.”_

“See” Jonghyun whispered. “That’s how we talk about y—“ Kibum lunged, gagging him with a palm as the steps advanced again. Their eyes slid in unison up to light bulb flickering gently on the ceiling. They wouldn’t be able to see that through the crack under the door would they?

_“I guess we should deal with it for him, so he doesn’t get in trouble with the sergeant major.”_

Double shit. The pair began to panic as someone broke away from the group and started walking straight towards the cupboard. Jonghyun’s heart was racing a mile a minute as the footsetps came ever closer. If it opened there would be no way to explain this. None. They were done for.

Jjong could feel the far-off sting of Kibum’s fingernails digging into the back of his hand, their eyes glued in horror to the doorknob. It turned. It rattled.

_“Damn, It’s locked.”_

_“What? It’s never locked.”_

Oh thank fuck.

They breathed a sigh of relief… Quietly.

 _“Maybe Jonghyun took the keys with him.”_ Said Minho's voice.

‘And maybe he was still in the cupboard.’ Thought Jjong. ‘A hair’s breadth away from being caught, dick out, with your best friend, the jerk mud culprit, in his lap. Maybe lots of things Choi Minho. Shut up and never scare me like that again.’

_“Well, that’s his fault then isn’t it?_

_“Guess so... Come on, we don’t have much free time left, and I want to get to the PX.”_

They waited for the footsteps to leave the building. “…I should go." Jjong said reluctantly. "I said I’d meet them there after I was done. Sorry Kibum.”

“No. You go, nothing to be sorry for.”

Jonghyun thought that he could detect a hint of disappointment in the captain’s voice.

“I mean, it’s not like we’d planned to do this.” Kibum looked around, giggling a little to himself and Jonghyun couldn’t help but join in. Now that the adrenaline was wearing off, he couldn’t quite believe what they’d done.

Kibum stopped abruptly. “Wait, won’t you need to deal with the mud first?”

_“Why you—“_

❀

 

Jjong practically ran through the showers, taking advantage of the empty dorm room to dress as quickly as possible and hurry out to the PX... After a vicious tickling battle, he’d eventually won and Kibum had mopped up his own footprints. Jjong thought that it was probably good for the captain, humbling.

“Hey Jjong!” Private Jihyun called him over to where the squadron sat, their snack haul piled up on the table between them like a treasure hoard. “Where did you get to? We tried to look for you but all we found was a lot of mud.”

“I went to the phones.” Jonghyun lied… very smoothly in his opinion. “Are you saying that someone trod dirt in all over my floor!?!”

“Shit happens man, nothing to be done about it now.” Jihyung shrugged.

“Fuck.” Jonghyun sat down, trying to hide his smile, secretly dancing inside about having gotten away with his little subterfuge. “So… what’s up? What have I missed?”

“Not much. How’s your noona?”

“Piss off Minho.” Jjong snapped back. He bitterly regretted showing the squad his sister’s picture. None of them had shut up about how pretty she was since, just to be annoying... Not that he didn’t agree that his sister was pretty, she was the prettiest… Nevertheless, they could all fuck right off.

“We’ve just been talking about that jaunt up Gamsiin we’re set to go on.” Supplied Dongmin.

“Oh that.” The sergeant major had told them that they’d be going on some exercise earlier, to check out a mast or a radar station or something… Jonghyun hadn’t been able to pay attention properly after the officer had mentioned Kibum would be leading the party. “Why, is it unusual?” He asked, more curious now his head was a bit clearer.

“Not necessarily. They’re under our regiment’s jurisdiction, so we have to go check on them now and again, do maintenance… It’s just a bit early in the year for it to be simply routine is all—”

“Basically, what our dear corporal is trying to say is that, it seems urgent, so we think it’s gotta be fucked.”

“ _Thank you_ Seungdae.” Dongmin continued, giving the other a hard stare. “As _I_ was saying. It probably needs servicing, so we’ll have techies with us. And it will be colder than usual. That’s about it really.”

“You don’t think it was sabotage do you?” Asked Taemin.

“Nah, don’t be ridiculous. It probably just got hit by lightning—“

“But shouldn’t it be grounded?”

“—Or damaged by wind… sat on by an eagle. I dunno.” Dongmin rubbed his temples, he tended to find Taemin a little trying at times… Understandable really.

“Well it’s just… with all those other men that are apparently joining the camp. Don’t you think it means that there must be something going on?”

“Taemin there’s always _something_ going on.” Said Minho. “But if it was something to do with us, we’d know all about it by now… It’ll just be standard troop rearrangement orders from on high. Maybe there was an above average amount of conscripts this year.”

Jonghyun didn’t really know what to make of any of it, but being sent up to look at some transmitter for a couple of days sounded better than being sent up to one of the regiment’s watchtowers on the Southern Limit Line for a couple of weeks. He wasn’t looking forwards to that one at all. In the meantime, he was more than happy to sit in the PX talking with his squad mates, sneaking all the good sweets out of Taemin’s pile, keeping his secrets.

 

o ᚂ

“So Jinki, tell me. On a scale of one to ten… how stupid do you think it is it to sleep with a subordinate?”

Kibum was with Jinki in the Officers' Mess after dinner, hoping that the other might give him an honest opinion. They’d been drinking whiskey. Officer’s Messes were the kind of place where one was basically obliged to drink whiskey… or so the captain’s grandfather had led him to believe.

“9.” Replied the doctor after giving it a bit of thought. “11 if that subordinate is you.”

Kibum pretended to be affronted. He might have been a little, but he also knew that Jinki only meant to tease. “How dare You! My arrangement with Captain Nam had _nothing_ to do with me getting his post… You’re a scientist aren’t you, correlation doesn’t equal causation.” He said, wagging his finger at the other. “Besides, he was shit at it.”

_“It?”_

“Both Its.” Kibum sniffed. “The posting and the sex.”

Jinki nodded sagely. “So...” He dropped his voice, as this was probably not good conversation to have too loudly in a place where other ears might be listening in. “This is about Jonghyun then?”

“Maybe.” Kibum admitted warily.

“I wasn’t aware that there was any ~sleeping involved.”

“Oh! Stop being a pedantic old man,” He said, slapping the doctor on the forearm. “I’m trying to ask you a serious question... And how did you know anyway?”

Jinki looked puzzled. “I’m not stupid, you're blatantly smitten.”

Kibum huffed, swirling his drink sheepishly. “Well… it was too good an opportunity to pass up really.” It really was. He’d needed something to take his mind off work stuff anyway, and Jonghyun being the pest that he was… and now Jonghyun seemed like less of a pest, and he had kind of helped with the work too, sort of…. and well—

“But you’re having second thoughts?”

“It’s not what you’re thinking… I’m not getting bored of him.”

“I’d rather you didn’t for the record. I quite like him.” Jinki said. “So the longer you can put off dumping him and plotting his transfer to another unit, the better in my opinion.”

“See, that’s the problem. I like him too.” This was going to be painful for him to admit. He’d made so much of a fuss in public about how much he didn’t like the private, and yet…”I think I like him too much… and I’ve been wanting to see him so much that I’ve been taking stupid risks… and I _miss_ him Jinki.”

“Wait, where did he go?”

Jinki was always missing the damn point.

“Furlough.” Kibum replied.

“You can’t be serious? He could only have been gone for what, 4 days max?—“

Still not the point.

“3 — and I _know_ it’s ridiculous, but—“

“I think it’s quite sweet actually. He’s making an honest man out of you.” Jinki grinned at him. Bastard had got to the point finally.

“Hardly.” Kibum denied it anyway, knowing already that he wouldn’t be believed.

“So how did this happen then? Did you fall for the company’s bad boy? Such a cliché. But I guess he’s got a hot body… you know... from a medical point of view… I’ve seen it.” The doctor winked, waggling his eyebrows in a dead-on imitation of Minho.

Kibum cringed, why were his friends always set to embarrassing uncle mode? And why were those assholes swapping expressions now? He should never have allowed them to mix. “No~” [Maybe.] “No, it’s not that. If it were just that, I wouldn’t be in this mess.” [Maybe.]

“So, what do you like about him then?”

“Well, I guess he’s loyal, he’s eager, he doesn’t hide things from me, and he’s not really a bad boy at all… just disobedient...”

Jinki stared at him, unsure of whether Kibum had realized what he sounded like. “So you’re basically saying that he’d make a good pet?”

“No! What?... Oh…” He blushed deeply. “Shut up! Those are admirable qualities in humans as well… I always wanted a dog…” Jinki side eyed him, hard. “Look, it’s just… The way he looks at me sometimes—“ He’d blame the whiskey for this later. He wouldn't be wrong.

“You’ll hurt him Bummie, if you try to turn whatever you’ve got going on into something more serious. It’ll have to end some time.”

“Yah! We’re supposed to be talking about how fragile and emotionally vulnerable I am for once. You know I can’t do anything about him eventually having to leave the army. And when he goes, he’ll get to go back to his real life that he prefers and forget all about me, and I’ll be left here... alone.”

“…” Jinki blinked.

Kibum crossed his arms. “You know I don’t think it’s particularly cute, that when I’m trying to ask your advice on my feelings, you run straight to warning me about hurting _his_ feelings. Whose friend are you anyway? …Traitor.”

“Well you were the one who chose to bring him up using the word ‘subordinate’ in the first place. ” The traitor said reasonably. “I’m sorry, it’s just so easy to forget your secret soft and fluffy side, when you’re only running a day-to-day hug acceptance rate of 30%.”

No, that was far too low. “30%? Jinki please, it’s at least 60%.”

“48% if you count those weird cop-out hugs you do, where you like press half your body against theirs and look in the other direction.”

Kibum narrowed his eyes. “Maybe I just hug Minho more than I do you.” Maybe Minho deserved it more.

Jinki shrugged. “I assure you, we pooled our data to get these figures. You can ask him if you like.”

“No chance, I know all about your ‘bro code’ conspiracy. He’ll back you up no matter what I ask him.”

“Interesting accusation.” Jinki sipped his drink. “How do you figure that one?”

“I’ve asked him a lot of weird shit in your name.” Kibum replied smugly. And it was worth endless entertainment, getting Minho to agree to dumb statements just because ‘Jinki said’.

“Well played.” The doctor conceded, nodding sagely. “Is that why he asked me last week whether it was true that westerners’ have thicker beards because their hair works like cat whiskers?”

Kibum shook his head. “… That’s not one of mine. Definintely.”

They sat together in stunned silence for a second, each wondering where in hell the sergeant had gotten that one from.

Kibum peered down into his drink. This was why he shouldn’t have asked the doctor’s opinion. He might be honest but he was sometimes _too_ objective _._ Maybe it was part of being a doctor, being trained to give people brutal assessments of their physical health, and now apparently, their emotional health too. It was entirely possible that Jinki was correct in believing there was more cause to be concerned about the emotional consequences of their brewing relationship on Jonghyun. That was just what it was. But Kibum was also frustrated with himself for chickening out and giving Jinki a lot of reasons that _weren’t_ completely relevant to why he was finding himself falling for the private… Well maybe they were. But he hadn’t told the whole truth about why he liked Jonghyun and Jinki’s ‘company bad boy’ remark had been frustratingly on point, even if Kibum had denied it.

He already knew that Jonghyun had a rebellious streak (it was kind of obvious to say the least.) But as he’d gotten to know the private better, he’d noticed that all his bravado didn’t seem to be put up to mask anything unpleasant. From personal experience, Kibum knew a man with a nasty ego when he saw one, and knew to avoid one. Jonghyun, however, seemed to him to possess innate self-belief without arrogance. Despite his constant whinging about how short and unsuccessful he was, and how poorly suited he was as a soldier, Kibum was yet to catch him doubting who he essentially was. The captain had somewhere along the line decided that Jjong was an innately confident person, which, in a sea of men struggling pathetically to prove their ‘masculinity’, was incredibly attractive. Unlike most men, when he was dropped into the army Jjong hadn’t looked around and decided that to fit in he needed to act tougher, repress his feelings and swagger around, yapping about how all the women at home had it easy and ought to be thankful. He hadn’t internalized the standards the military wanted him to base his self-worth on. He hadn’t even tried — And not even _that_ , he’d actually looked at the way things were here, and found _them_ not up to standard… And maybe sometimes, on occasion, even though it never affected how he treated people, Kibum had caught a glint of cockiness cross his expression — as if Jonghyun just _knew_ he was smarter and better than people around him. But frankly, so long as those ‘people’ didn’t include him, Kibum really didn’t care, because he found it hot, and because as the adage said, people who live in glass houses shouldn’t be throwing any stones.

A few weeks ago Kibum had taken the liberty of looking Kim Jonghyun up properly… properly meaning not just using his official resources. Yeah he felt a bit guilty, but then again, this was all information freely available on the internet ~~to anyone nosy~~. He’d learnt that at age 17,  Jonghyun had left school to join a rock band. They’d promoted by themselves nonstop for 3 years before being picked up by a medium-sized agency. Then they’d gone under the radar for a while, before reemerging completely transformed. The agency had smartened them up, kicked one of them out, and allegedly interfered in their (Jjong’s) songwriting. But it had worked, the band started to get better gigs, positive articles were written about them online, and their songs had started to sneak into the back end of the weekly charts. Then, seemingly out of the blue, Jonghyun had packed up and left to do his own thing, taking most of the band’s fledgling fanbase with him…

And after that nothing happened. The band carried on, quickly gathering new fans to replace the old, and Jonghyun was nowhere to be seen. The fan boards were abuzz with rumors that the agency had blocked him. That he could only get work in tiny, private venues. That no one else would have him or speak about him. They didn't even seem to know he'd enlisted. Kibum was surprised to hear that a small agency could have so much power. He figured that Jonghyun must have really pissed them off somehow, and in a twisted way, Kibum kind of liked the idea.

Jinki’s gentle voice broke into his train of thought, dragging him back to the relevant point in hand… “You know Kibum, whatever you do decide, you’re going to have to get over this ‘missing him’ thing. Because no matter how much you like him, you really can’t hold onto him forever.”

“Don't worry... I know.”

 

❀

 

 


	11. Eleven

 

❀

Jonghyun was feeling fidgety. The company had all been gathered in the small auditorium for a special lecture on ‘advanced camouflage’… Which would have been totally fine with Jjong, if only he wasn’t hyper-aware of being watched from the side of the room.

He and Kibum had been carrying on their little thing for about a month now. It didn’t really amount to much, a few quick fumbles here and there, a rendezvous or two in a cupboard... Finding ways to meet up in private had been even harder than he’d anticipated, and it had left him feeling even more frustrated than before they’d begun whatever this, this thing was. Kibum insisted that things would get easier in the summer, when they could meet outdoors and when they didn’t have to worry about leaving snowy footprints. Jonghyun thought that this sounded a lot like the captain wanted to get off with him in a bush, and he hadn’t decided yet whether he liked the idea of leaves and twigs, and nature in general, getting involved in their alone-time. He also had no idea what footprints had to do with anything… unless Kibum wanted to sneak him into his quarters via the window or something… and what kind of athletic pin-head would be up for a stunt like that?

But none of this meant they were seeing any less of each other in public. Jonghyun was losing count of the number of hours he’d spent now, being tortured by the captain’s heavy gaze prickling at the back of his neck. And today Kibum’s attention was feeling extra burdensome.

Jonghyun had arrived back that morning from his first furlough. He’d officially been a soldier for over 100 days now, and rewarded with 5 ones off to see his loved ones. The problem was, that once he’d gotten over the tears and the joy of seeing his mother and sister again, he’d been left thinking mainly about Kibum. He’d wanted so badly to tell them about him… as if Kibum were actually his boyfriend and he’d wanted them to approve or something… Of course he knew that they wouldn’t, and so he didn’t — Not because Kibum was a man, that had never been a problem for them before, but because Kibum was his commanding officer, and that was obviously a stupid situation for him to have gotten himself into, and he didn’t think he could face being told that by anyone who’s opinion he actually valued.

The sergeant major continued to drone on down below, Jjong thought everything he was saying was really pretty obvious. Just look at the thing you’re hiding in… then make yourself look like the thing you’re hiding in. Then again, a few of the men weren’t too bright sometimes; maybe they really didn’t realize that you had to match your camouflage to your surroundings; teens, who knew? He snuck a glance over to where the captain was standing. Every time he looked at him these days he couldn’t help being struck by how attractive he was… He wasn’t expecting Jjong to get decked out in full camouflage when they making out in this hypothetical summery bush was he?

“PRIVATE KIM JONGHYUN!”

_Fuck_. “YES SIR!”

“ARE YOU NOT INTERESTED IN THIS LECTURE PRIVATE?”

Shit, was he supposed to answer ‘Yes, interested’ or ‘No, not-not interested’?... … … “NO SIR! IT’S VERY INTERESTING SIR!”

“WELL IF YOU’RE STILL STRUGGLING TO PAY ATTENTION TO THE DEMONSTRATION FROM UP THERE PRIVATE, THEN YOU CAN COME DOWN AND BE A PART OF IT!”

Well that sounded awkward. Jjong glared at his friends, who were trying their hardest to stifle their laughter, as he shuffled out of his seat and down the steps to the stage.

“Right…” Continued the sergeant major as Jonghyun made his way forward. “Now pay attention men, because you’ll have to do this yourselves later… Captain, if you’d be so kind.”

What fresh hell was this? Jonghyun wondered, as Kibum sauntered towards him brandishing a tin of camo paint and a smirk. How was he expected to keep a straight face with the captain touching him up on in front of everybody? What if he gave something away? Being scrutinized like this was not comfortable at all… and his knees were threatening to start shaking. He wasn’t usually a victim of stage fright, but he suddenly felt a whole lot of sympathy for people who were.

The sergeant major continued, thankfully oblivious to his suffering. “The first thing you have to remember about winter weather is that your breath is just as visible as you are — so wear your muffler at all times!” Kibum handed him a muffler, Jjong felt a current pass between them as their fingertips brushed. How was Kibum keeping all expression off his face like that? He put the muffler on quickly, grateful that he could hide at least part of himself.

“Now the main point of camouflage paint is to break up the shapes of the face to make them harder to pick out. Can anyone tell me what the most important feature to disguise is?”

_“The eyes!”_ Someone called out.

“Correct! Do you have much experience wearing eye makeup Private?” The soldiers tittered and Jonghyun shifted guiltily, glad that the question seemed rhetorical and he wasn’t expected to answer… The band had had a glam rock phase that Jjong had been unwilling to totally let go. Bowie was such a legend damn it.

“Now if you all watch the captain…”

Kibum dipped two fingers into the white paint tin and one into the black. Jonghyun mentally stopped himself before he started recalling all the other places those fingers had been. _“Close your eyes”_. Jonghyun cursed himself for finding this arousing, fuck his pavlovian responses. Seeing as he couldn’t prevent this from happening he just did what he could, shut his eyes and bit down his lower lip under the muffler. Kibum smudged diagonally down over his eye, Jjong could somehow tell that the sadistic bastard was enjoying this, and when he dared looked again he could see that he was right. Kibum looked _really_ pleased with himself and the mess he’d made on Jjong’s face… hm.

“… As you can see these lines break up the black and white of the pupil, making it harder for the enemy to recognize as part of a face from the distance…”

The painting didn’t stop there. The captain was obviously quite an artist, and he set about covering Jonghyun in as many criss-crossing lines of paint as he could manage, tongue sticking out from the corner of his mouth as he concentrated.

After Jonghyun’s face was declared adequate, he was let down from the stage and the men were all ordered out to practice on each other. In hindsight maybe going through the stress of Kibum touching him in front of everyone was worth escaping having one of the other men attack his face… He, himself had made a right proper mess of Minho, who now looked like some kind of cement golem where Jjong had been unable to stop his paints from mixing. In fact everyone undoubtedly looked much more grey and smeary, than the desired white and stripy, and unanimously agreed that camouflage was much harder than Kibum had made it look.

“Don’t look so sour Jjong. I reckon being made an example of is fair payment for not washing it out of your ears!” Said Youngbin from across the room. “Hey Taemin… How did you even get paint _this far_ in my ears?” Taemin shrugged and continued wiping his own off with a paper towel.

“Yeah you had it easy Jjong. Compared to us, Capt Kibs is like a professional makeup artist!”

“Funny, didn’t feel like I was having an easy time. I’d rather have one of you idiots daub all over my face than Puss in Boots up there.” Shit. Had he let something too familiar slip out? …Nope, no one seemed to have noticed.

“You looked fucking terrified though. Are you scared of the captain, or did you get stage fright?”

“—Bullshit, Jjonggie has a crush~”

“I do not!” Jonghyun was rapidly getting more and more uncomfortable. This whole situation was horribly familiar, and he was having flashbacks of the many times he’d spent, deflecting similar accusations in the school changing rooms such a long time ago. He was just waiting for that terrible moment when someone would start to take all of the banter seriously and he’d start having to invent excuses…

“Christ Jonghyun, you look just like a frightened puppy. No wonder you were so scared that Captain Hissy would try to claw your eyes out. Me-ow.”

“Hey! Quit talking shit about the officers!... And where did you even come up with that you weirdo?” Minho hollered at Seungdae, “’Captain might hiss a bit, but as far as I know he isn’t into eye gouging… Besides, Jjong, what I _really_ want to know is how your sexy noona is doing?”

Thank god for Minhos….

“I’m done!” Jjong said throwing up his hands. “I’m not putting up with this! My face is clean now and I’d like my ears to be too… not like Youngbin’s, the other way. If you losers want me I’ll be phoning _my_ noona. Who, by the way, is well out of your league Choi Minho.”

Jonghyun stomped off, followed by his squad’s raucous laughter and cat-calls about what a sensitive flower he was. He _really_ did consider them as his friends and he didn’t mind the banter, but he didn’t want to test just how far that friendship went yet. People could be so judgmental, and in this case everyone would probably be happier not knowing the truth. He knew exactly how it’d go… they’d probably all say it was fine… but that it wasn’t something that they wanted to hear about, and he better not look at any of them like _that_. Jonghyun didn’t want to have to have that conversation again anytime soon. Maybe he’d tell them one day, after they were all discharged.

 

❀

 

Jjong wasn’t actually going anywhere near the phones. Instead he exited the barracks and made a beeline for the officers’ quarters down the hill.

Whilst they were on the stage together Kibum, the sly bastard, had managed to slip a crumpled up note into his pocket. It said to meet him in his room after the exercise was over, and that sounded like too interesting a proposition for him to not follow up on. Jonghyun had never been into the officers’ building before, but the note had assured him (underlined) that he could just walk straight in, as long as he acted like he was supposed to be there. So that was what he was going to attempt to do, and, note clenched in his fist, he marched straight in.

The first thing he noticed was that it was thankfully deserted; the second was that it was (unsurprisingly) much nicer than his own barracks, less flaky lead paint, better lighting.

He knocked sharply on the door labeled ‘Capt. Kim Kibum.’

“Message for Captain Kim.”

_“Enter—”_

As soon as he was in Kibum pounced on him, pinning him back against the door… And after a few seconds he faltered, noticing that Jonghyun wasn’t kissing back.

“Jjong?” He asked, concern leaking out of his voice. “What’s wrong? I almost thought I’d grabbed the wrong private for a second there.”

Jjong looked at him balefully and went to sit down on the end of the bed. “That wasn’t a bad pun was it?”

“Not intentionally.”

Kibum sat down on the narrow bed so their thighs were touching and put an arm round him. Jonghyun shrugged it off and leant in to begin kissing again. But he was stopped.

“No, talk first, you obviously need to. What’s wrong? Is this about earlier, or about something that happened while you were off?”

Jjong made a non-committal reply. It might have been about earlier, but earlier was hardly the captain’s fault, so why was he feeling so grumpy about it? In fact if anyone could relate to him now it probably was Kibum… and he seemed determined to play at being caring right now so…

“Minho knows about us right?” He said, lying down. It felt more like a therapy session that way.

“Yes, and Jinki too… Is that a problem?” Kibum sounded concerned.

“No… I don’t know why, I’d just been assuming he didn’t… But something just happened and I wasn’t sure anymore.”

“Well he has done for a while, so don’t worry about it.”

“He never treated me any differently. I thought, if he knew, he might have judged me, or been weird about it. Or even like, I don’t know… given me ‘the talk’.”

“Ha! I actually had to specifically ban him from doing _that._ But the other stuff… he wouldn’t have. It’s not what he’s like.” Kibum leant back to rest on his elbows. “That’s one reason why we became friends.”

Jjong rolled over to face the captain. “Tell me about it.”

Kibum looked puzzled.

“I mean about you and Minho at school.”

“I thought you were the one with the problems?” The captain tried to deflect.

“Yeah but I want to hear about someone else’s, and you’re lying down too now, which makes this a joint therapy session… Please?”

“Hmph. Alright weirdo, whatever.”

Jonghyun was mildly surprised that Kibum had agreed. But he wanted to know.

Kibum cleared his throat and began. “Well you may have trouble believing this, but I was a bit of a rebellious teenager.”

Jonghyun raised an eyebrow and looked him up and down, “Nooo, you don’t say.”

“Okay, _you_ might not have trouble believing it. But you also have a privileged insight.” the captain added smugly, settling down into his storytelling. “—Anyway. When I was at school I showed out a bit… Minho was my oldest friend and the only guy left who’d have anything to do with me. I was loud, abrasive, glittery—“

“Glittery?” Jjong could kind of see it.

“Stop interrupting.” Kibum pushed him playfully on the shoulder, grinning a bit as he contemplated his former self. “…I wanted to be an idol.” He said wistfully.

“A WHAT!? HAHA! No? That’s hilarious.”

“Hey! This is serious to me!”

“Alright, alright, I’m sorry…”

“Good... SO. I _almost_ became an idol. DON’T you dare look so skeptical. I was actually accepted into SM Entertainment… Yes, you better be impressed Kim Jonghyun.” He kinda was. “Minho and I snuck out one day without telling anyone and took the bus to the audition. We both got accepted pretty easily, but when I told my parents they wouldn’t have it. My Dad flipped out, he said only ‘queers’ were idols, he said it was an embarrassment, that I could never do it, that I didn’t have any talent anyway, that I had to join the family business, that he’d disown me if I left school—“ Jonghyun was shocked, he didn’t know what to say. Kibum must have been so worked up at the time, Jonghyun could just picture him, all hissing and spitting and glittery. But maybe that picture was wrong; Kibum was repeating the story with so little emotion, like having his dreams trampled all over was just another day in the life.

“Business?” He asked, confused. “The others said that your grandfather is Marshal Kisun?”

“He’s my mother’s father, I’m getting to that… Do conscripts not have anything better to gossip about?”

“Oh, sorry.”

Kibum continued. “Anyway, my father’s business is something to do with farm machinery… I don’t really understand it and I want nothing to do with it.” He made a face. Jonghyun agreed that he couldn’t really see him thriving in the farm machinery business. “But, my _grandfather_ had always made _him_ feel really inadequate. And I knew that if I said I wanted to join the army, he couldn’t say anything against it… So that’s what I did.”

“So you swapped being an idol, for being an army officer… _just_ to spite your father?”

“Well, maybe… But it’s not _that_ different a career path if you think about it. No freedom, synchronized routines, shiny outfits...”

Jonghyun wasn’t sure if he quite got it, but he supposed that it only needed to make sense to Kibum.

“Besides… I’m not intending on staying here forever. Once I’ve proved myself in this post I’ll get transferred back to Seoul. Then I’ll get a diplomatic job, something where I can live abroad, somewhere glamorous, it has to be glamorous, an embassy in America or Europe. That’s all I want. To go somewhere else and be free.” Ah, well that made more sense to Jonghyun. Kibum just wanted to be free. He could relate to that, even if the captain’s route seemed sort of circuitous.

Kibum had been playing idly with Jonghyun’s sleeves as he recounted his story, running his fingers unconsciously up and down the creases and it felt like the most natural thing in the world to lean over and press their lips together. Kibum’s eyes slid closed as he sighed, letting Jjong’s tongue slip between his lips. They’d never been so unhurried before; there’d always been somewhere else they’d had to be, or a risk that they’d be interrupted. He crawled over Jonghyun, pushing him into the mattress, his dog-tags tickling Jjong’s nose. Jonhyun looked at them cross-eyed and suddenly felt sad for what they represented.

“Why is there a key on your dog-tags?” he’d noticed it before, but he’d never thought to ask.

“Oh that… you’ll think I‘m silly…”

“I think we’re well past that.” Jonghyun teased, taking Kibum’s hand to kiss his knuckles. He got slapped on the chest for his trouble.

“Alright nosey, it’s the key to my lock box.”

“I’ve heard Minho call you Key. Is that why you still keep it?”

“Nah, that’s just an old nickname from when I thought it was cool to spell my name with English characters… I might get my own room here, but we don’t have a lot of privacy either you know. I keep this on me because I don’t want anyone getting hold of all my dirty little secrets.”

Well that was fair enough. Although he wondered, as he carefully thumbed though the tags above him reading what was engraved there, how many of those secrets did he have now? “Is this really freedom though Bum?” He said, looking at the other’s service number, one simple string of digits identifying exactly who Kibum was, and what was expected of him.

“It’s as close as I can hope to get.”

Jonghyun thought that was so sad that he had to pull the captain down by the chains to kiss him. When Kibum pulled back he looked a little teary.

“I’ve got to go—“ Jonghyun said.

“Don’t you dare leave now.“ The captain whined, clamping his thighs down on either side of him.

“They’ll miss me.”

“—I’ll miss you more. Fuck dinner, you were gone five days… Minho can make up an excuse for you or something.”

“We can’t make him cover for us all the time.”

“Yes we bloody well can.” Kibum pouted. “Do you know how much action he gets in civilian life with that face of his? He can afford to do this for me, even if he won’t do it for you.”

“Where did this neediness come from all of a sudden? I thought you were an independent captain who didn’t need no man.” Jonghyun smiled, the corners of his eyes crinkling with fondness. “Besides, I’m not prepped for this.”

“Yeah well I certainly am.”

“You are?” Eughhh, why did he have to make it so hard…

“Literally could not be more ready.” Kibum confirmed, complacent already of his victory.

Jonghyun hooked a leg round and flipped them. “I’ve got to go.” He said firmly.

Kibum glared up at him crossly from the mattress. “Bloody tease… You know you’ve still got paint up one of your unnaturally large nostrils.”

“Shit, I thought I could still smell it.”

“Eww, don’t pick at it you barbarian.” He squawked, trying to catch Jjong’s wrists and hold them away.

“But you pick your nose all the time!”

“I’m _scratching_ my frenulum.”

“Dick on the brain Bummie? I think you mean philtrum.”

“Yah!” Kibum wriggled out from under him, taking up a pillow to beat Jonghyun into submission with. Jonghyun grabbed the other.

“I can take a look at your frenulum though if it’s bothering you.” Jonghyun taunted between hits.

“Ok, you do that then. Do exactly that.”

“Maybe I will.”

Kibum dropped his pillow and crossed his arms. “Fine.”

“ _Fine._ ” Jjong replied.

Kibum smirked, climbing on top of Jonghyun again and straddling his lap gleefully. “You realize this means I win and you stay right?”

“Whatever Captain, I admit you wore me down. Now disrobe so I can examine your penis.”

Kibum pretended to gag. “Pease stop with the medical language, this is getting worryingly close to Jinki-play and that’s not on my acceptable kink list.”

“Yeah, mine neither.” Jjong agreed.

“He is kinda sexy though.” Kibum added.

“ _Kibum!”_

“Not as sexy as you~.” He cooed, booping Jonghyun on the nose and laughing at the others disgruntled impression. Apart from feeling rather patronized, Jonghyun could also feel the ghost of the boop, and it was kind of itchy. “Now if you would like to get on with proving that, I _am_ _still_ waiting…”

“Are you ever not impatient?” Jjong complained. Kibum blinked innocently. He’d stolen that look from Private Taemin, Jonghyun was sure of it. “Or are you a just a bossy bottom?” He added just to make a point.

Kibum laughed again. “Who said I was a bottom?“ He said, reaching behind Jjong and dropping a bottle of lube onto the bed.

Jonghyun chuckled. “Bossy _when_ on the bottom then.”

“Oh always.“ Kibum began grinding shamelessly in his lap, muddling Jonghyun’s thoughts for a second. “And If you don’t satisfy me right now I just might take myself over to the infirmary, throw myself down on the examination table, call Dr Onew ‘daddy’ and demand he dick me down, _hard_.” Jonghyun wasn’t sure if it was wrong that he was actually finding that image arousing. Apparently his libido was a slut for body rolls and melodrama… On further reflection, maybe that shouldn’t have been a surprise.

Jjong stilled Kibum’s hips and whispered into his ear in his best gravelly voice… “I’m going to make you scream so hard you’ll lose your voice to make orders with… baby.”

The captain exploded into giggles, putting his hands on either side of Jjong’s face and kissing him so hard they overbalanced back onto the mattress. “Well be my guest then.”

Well that settled the dinner argument once and for all. Jonghyun rolled them and pinned Kibum’s wrists together. “You won’t even be able to walk tomorrow.“

“Okay you can stop being lame now, joke’s over.” Jonghyun ignored him and started to strip off his shirt. Kibum whined and reached out to touch with his freed hands, but he was firmly stopped.

“Nope, wrists together.”

“Shan’t” He argued petulantly, not pleased at being denied the chance to touch.

“Shall.” Jjong growled, with an affectionate kiss, as twisted his shirt to bind the captain to the iron bed frame. Kibum wriggled experimentally but didn’t protest further. “Good boy.” It was worth the eye roll.

Jonghyun then went about systematically ridding the captain of his own uniform, pausing to leer at his hairless legs as they were revealed. Kibum had shaved for him… for him? The thought went straight to his cock as he palmed his smooth thighs. Kibum must have done it in the shower, waiting for him to come back… Had that excited him? Did he touch himself after, thinking about him, them, together just like they were now? No wonder he was so smug all the time.

“I don’t really know what to make of that.”

Kibum looked pleased with himself, of course he did, having successfully short-circuited Jjong’s brain. In fact Jjong was certain he knew _exactly_ how fuckable he looked right now, splayed out on the bed like an offering, a subtle flush blooming across his skin… That little mixed-message giving shit-head. To show his appreciation for the effort he sunk his teeth into the captain’s soft, inner thigh.

“Ouch!” He squeaked. “Bastard, quit gnawing me and do something productive.” He attempted give JJong a playful thump on the side of the head, but the private smoothly caught hold of his flailing leg and hitched it over his shoulder. Kibum would be regretting that.

“Yes sir~” Jonghyun caught his captain’s eye, before, very deliberately, leaning down to flick his tongue over his damned frenulum just as he’d promised.

“Fuck! Jjong!” Kibum mewled, pushing himself towards Jonghyun, searching for more. Jjong happily cooperated, kissing and licking at the swollen flesh.

“Do you like that baby? Do you like my mouth, or do you want me to fuck you properly?” He said, nipping at his creamy thigh as Kibum’s toes curled in the sheets.

Kibum stared down at him through half lidded eyes, his chest rising and falling and his hair awry, dampened at the ends with sweat, wrists still trapped above him. “Fuck me—” His lips were red and swollen where he’d bitten on them, and Jonghyun couldn’t resist placing a filthy kiss there.

“Beg.”

Kibum answered him by crooking his leg and forcing him back down. Not exactly begging, but Jonghyun merely shrugged and went to work, pushing a lubricated finger into the tight ring of muscle as he continued, licking a slow, tortuous, line up to the leaking head of the captain’s cock, tasting the salty precum. And further, peppering butterfly kisses up his torso, his chest, his neck, along his jaw, until he reached his lips to kiss them too. Kibum melted into it, welcoming him back into his mouth without hesitation and Jjong’s knees threatened to collapse as the captain sucked on his tongue, teasing it with his teeth.

“Hngggg— Jjonnnggg~“

“You ready?” Jjong asked shakily, grasping himself, pressing the weeping head of his length against Kibum’s hole.

Kibum shivered as he took Jjong in, wetness glistening on his lips and eyelashes fluttering against his cheekbones. He wrapped his legs around Jonghyun’s waist to draw him deeper, right to where he needed him. “Jjong… I actually, maybe, really was into it when you said I’d not be walking tomorrow.”

Jonghyun was only too happy to oblige him.

 

Resting, wrung out in the afterglow, Jonghyun hoped sincerely that Minho was good at making up excuses. Dinner must have been over hours ago. He groaned and stretched, it was probably worth the dismissal though. Yet, as content as he was, he really had to leave now before lights-out. But looking at a soft, naked and fucked-out Kibum… he really didn’t want to…

“Hey Bum.“

“Hm?” The captain hummed drowsily. Fingering his own damp hair, twirling it into little spikes and letting them untwist themselves.

“You never said you were younger than me before.”

“What?”

“Dog-tags.”

“You idiot — you know Minho is younger than you.”

“I dunno. You could have been stupid and held back a year or something.”

“Oh fuck off~”

“That’s ‘fuck off _hyung'_ to you.” He said, sticking out his tongue. “Actually… I really do have to go now.”

“Ugh,” Kibum grumbled. “Ok then, shag me then leave. Just like all the others do.”

“I hope you’re kid—“ Began Jonghyun, until doubt crept in, damn jealous streak. “… Are you kidding?”

The captain looked at him incredulously. “Jjong please don’t tell me that I’m your first, we’ve _all_ had ‘others’.”

“What? No, of course… But you once said that you’d had other ‘arrangements’ on base… Spill.”

“None of your business. Get lost.” He said, turning over.

“No tell me~” Jjong asked, pinching at Kibum’s sides to tickle him. “I just want to know who to glare at.”

Kibum batted him off. “No one that’s still here. Drop it.”

“Do you really fancy Jinki?”

Kibum grinned at him roguishly over his shoulder. “No I fancy this asshole private called Jonghyun. With short legs and a big ego.” He said, wrapping his long limbs around Jjong as if to prove how very petit he was in comparison. “You might have heard of him.”

“I heard it wasn’t so much a big ego as a big dick.”

“In your dreams Kim.” Kibum snorted. “…Although Jinki on the other hand…”

Jonghyun chose to ignore that, and notice instead that the hand now tracing sweat droplets casually along his chest… “Having fun there?”

“Hmm?...” Kibum looked innocently back at his face. ”…You’re just really well defined...”

“You trying to stroke my ‘big ego’ now?”

“—I take it back.”

“Kibum, you’re a professional soldier. You see muscular men every day.” Said Jonghyun, disentangling himself from the captain’s octopus legs very reluctantly and getting up.

“Abs that you can sneak a quick peak at are _not_ as fun as one’s you’re allowed to touch…” Kibum replied, ogling him openly as he yawned and reached for his shirt. “Besides they’re improved by your pretty face.” He added, tapping Jjong’s leaving ass for good measure.

 

❀

 


	12. Twelve

 

o ᚂ

The men were pathetically ill prepared for combat, Kibum thought, as he watched them from the observation tower, his lip curling involuntarily in mild disdain. Yeah sure, they’d get up a mountain fine, but so could 50 year old ajummas with walking poles. He could hardly tick the box marking them down as ‘battle ready.’ Why couldn’t he just be less picky… or lie. What did it even matter if they couldn’t storm their way out of a paper bag? They were just going to go look at some silly antenna anyway. Really, what they should actually do was save everyone the trouble by just _admitting_ that nothing much was expected of enlisted troops, squishy, sweaty nerds that most of them were… He swore, if one more of them disobeyed orders to try out some ridiculously theatrical tactic that only worked in whatever their favorite game was, or superhero movies or whatever, fucking about like they had multiple lives and had swallowed some kind of magical cloaking potion…

He’d ordered the section to divide up into two teams once again. This time, instead of getting one side to defend and one to attack, they were both trying to take the other team’s base by breaking into it and firing a flare gun… He didn’t give a crap who won, the point was for them to learn discipline, and to _not_ barge in all guns blazing. In hindsight it might have been a mistake. The hope had been that they’d get the message by the end of today. Then they’d be able to repeat the exercise next week but at night, before heading off on the exercise a few days afterwards. However, seeing as the men were all basically acting like this was a giant game of laser tag, and had forgotten that they were the _fucking reconnaissance section_ and that their job was to _practice reconnaissance,_ he’d probably have to resort to Plan B… getting the Sergeant Major to shout some more at them, until they became less stupid. It even seemed to have slipped half their minds that they possessed radios at all… And the other half that had neglected to take into account that real bullets _can kill you_ , were arguably even worse. Frankly it was a mess and he was putting together a long, long list of people to humiliate at in public later. Minho was top of the list. Take that Froggy, your over-competitiveness has imaginary-killed you at least 3 times already and you’ve got an hour left to go, enjoy playing Captain America while you can. Kibum was going to enjoy the look on his face when he couldn’t talk back to him in public, heh… It was ok though, when he finished mocking him he’d make it up by admitting that he’d make a hot action hero (begrudgingly of course).

Now where had Jonghyun got to…? Kibum scanned the ‘battlefield’ through his binoculars, zeroing in on the private when he located him through the trees, guarding the checkpoint inside his team’s base. A smart move from them, they could actually have a point for that. Jonghyun didn’t thrive in the midst of the action, but, to be honest, he actually was pretty good at not letting people sneak up on him. A valuable skill in Kibum’s opinion, but not his most valuable skill. A pleasant shiver ran down his spine as he recalled how Jjong had demonstrated so _very_ effectively the night before…

“You should be more careful Captain.” Said Lt. Soowook from behind him.

Kibum lowered his glasses, not quite sure what he’d heard. “Excuse me?”

Kibum had never liked Soowook very much and he certainly didn’t trust him. The man was so clearly a total shit and he resented having him assigned to him, he also didn’t know how to not make it obvious that he thought that... So he figured that Soowook probably didn’t like him either. But the lieutenant was a sycophant, he’d always been a sycophant even back when they were both in the Military Academy he’d been an obsequious turd, and it made Kibum’s skin crawl. The problem with sycophants, according to Kibum, apart from their lack of class, was that anyone who’d _say anything_ to get ahead, would probably also _do anything_ to get ahead… if desperate enough or given the opportunity.

“Careful of him - Private Kim. You were looking a little too long weren’t you?”

Kibum furrowed his eyebrows, he was having trouble reading the Lieutenant’s tone. He couldn’t be smart enough to have caught onto him and Jonghyun… together, or apart? Could he? “I’m afraid you’re going to have to be a little more specific Lieutenant. Funnily enough we have a lot of Private Kim’s.”

“There’s only one ‘Private Kim’ out there at the moment though. Or had you forgotten the names of the other men?” Fear began to uncurl slowly in Kibum’s gut, like a waking python. Soowook was definitely working up to something nasty. Kibum just knew it… He could read it on his face. “…I wouldn’t blame you. That one really does seem to be _something_ special to you, what with all the extra attention you’ve been giving him… _Sir._ ”

“I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re on about.” Kibum bluffed. “Kindly either spit it out, or shut up and do your job.” He said, turning back to his men, hoping that he could block Soowook out again by turning back to stare very intently into the binoculars.

Soowook however, was clearly not going to be stopped. “Well sir. I couldn’t help but notice. At first I thought nothing of it when you took pity on him and ordered him to assist you in your office… But going as far as to tend him in his illness a couple of weeks ago. Well that was really something.”

What in the world?... “That’s funny, because I don’t recall tending to any sick soldiers.” Well he hadn’t? “You must be confusing me with Captain Lee. I’ve heard we look similar from some angles… To blind people.” He sniffed.

A nasty smirk spread across the lieutenant’s lips as he lined up his next move. “In that case it was very nice of you to let Captain Lee tend to Private Kim in _your bedroom_ , when he was too sick to go dinner last week. That must have made a nasty mess, seeing Sergeant Choi assured me that he was suffering with the most terrible, explosive nausea from a medically unprecedented allergic reaction to camo paint that night... And handy that he’s cured of that allergy now, seeing as he’s wearing the same paint and all.”

“Well in that case I suspect Sergeant Minho was mistaken about the situation. But nevertheless, I don’t see why you’d think he’d be in my quarters.” Kibum replied stiffly, he did not want to admit to the possibility that Soowook could have seen them. Jonghyun had been careful to check both ways before exiting his room. Perhaps Soowook had only seen Jjong enter the officers’ billets and just made a stab in the dark? In that case he had nothing concrete on them and Kibum wasn’t going to give it to him…

“Well, you see, normally I wouldn’t. After all, what could he be doing in there? But I happened to need to visit my room during dinner, and I heard the _most_ interesting noises coming from behind your door as I passed by — Our captain, who we all thought was _sooo_ above it all, sorry… I mean above us, deigning to nurse some bratty little conscript through what really sounded like some _truly awful_ sickness, and you sounded so _deeply_ concerned too.

Kibum’s blood ran cold. “You seem pretty confident in what you’re implying. Why do you still not have the balls to say it straight.”

Soowook sneered. “Interesting word choice but fine. I know you were fucking, and I have the audio to prove it.”

”No you don’t. If you did you’d have acted sooner.”

“I’m not stupid, I know you’re not going to get given yours by any military tribunal. So I’m going to punish you myself.” He said, circling Kibum to lean next to him against the railing. Kibum felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise as the air was disturbed by the lieutenant passing a bit _too closely._ “I’m going to watch you, and you’re going to know that I’m watching you.” God Kibum hated his face, “And I’m going to talk about you, and you’re going to know that I’m talking about you.” And his voice. “And the people that I talk to, they’re going to start watching you too, and talking.” And his… brain. “And it’s never going to stop, and you’re never going to be able to do anything about it, not unless you want to give the rumors credence by addressing them.”

“Why?”

“People like you deserve their comeuppance _captain.”_

Comeuppance? Was this about jealousy? How pedestrian. Kibum had encountered it plenty of times before. People thinking that he didn’t work hard just because of his background, but this was a whole other level. He could feel himself beginning to shake with frustration at the injustice of it all. He had some privileges but he worked twice as hard as fucking Soowook did… and Jjong, what did poor Jjong have to so with anything?”

“What about Jonghyun? Surely he doesn’t deserve this?”

Soowook shrugged. “What about him? You’re both equally disgusting in _that_ regard.”

Kibum’s teeth clenched, Jonghyun was important enough... and he was _not_ disgusting… only _he_ got to say that, and never for _that_ reason.

“It’s not like he’s important to you anyway, is it? …I mean, it’s not like Captain Nam was important to you either in the end.” Soowook shrugged. “Why don’t you repay the favor to the universe and just… dispose of him before he gets caught in the crossfire.”

Kibum felt himself loosing control, but he did nothing to stop the red mist taking over. He swung at the lieutenant, registering the satisfying crunch his knuckles made as they impacted the other’s jaw. That felt good. Fuck it hurt, but was good. Soowook was left reeling, sprawled pathetically on the tower’s wooden floor, glaring up at him. “Or maybe he is then. _Fuck_.” He said, spitting blood out of the side of his mouth. Kibum sincerely hoped he’d dislodged a tooth in there somewhere. “You know what? That’s even better. Maybe you would take the fall for him… That way I could get your job too… seems to be the only way it’s done round here anyway.”

Kibum looked down his nose at the putrid little man. It was war now. “You think that pulling others down is an achievement? You’re never going to get your grubby hands my job unless you work for it, so hold the fort and _do_ try not to make a mess of it. I’m going to assess the troops’ performance at ground level.”

Soowook glowered at his retreating back. “You’re filth Captain. And when you slip up again I _will_ be waiting. You can count on it.” he called after him.

Kibum didn’t start to panic until he’d put a few meters between himself and the tower. Fuck, fuck, _fuck_! the captain fought the urge to punch a tree. How did Soowook know about Nam?… Unless he was bluffing, he could always have been bluffing. Still… his first priority was to protect Jonghyun and get that out of the way. It didn’t matter if it was paying into Soowook’s plans to torture him, he couldn’t risk Jjong getting caught up it, any of it, and as long as he was near him, he definitely would. Kibum calculated that he had about a 15 minute window left to get the other alone. This wasn’t going to be pretty.

He wracked his brain. Soowook just _had_ to be buffing somewhere… even if he had known about Kibum and Captain Nam when they were still a _thing_ , he couldn’t have known about what happened at the tribunal.

Nam had been caught in bed… in store room… with someone else, some sergeant. Kibum hadn’t really cared about that, they weren’t an official couple or anything… Of course he’d cared about Nam in a personal sense, but being caught with someone else didn’t affect him directly. Or at least it didn’t until the tribunal went through Nam’s phone… And found pictures of him.

Kibum had been hauled up to face the tribunal as well. He had no idea what he was supposed to say, the evidence was all against him, he’d done exactly what they were about to accuse him of. Everything he’d accomplished would be gone and his family would probably disown him from the shame of it all… But, before he’d been called into the room, his grandfather had had a chance to get to him and… He just hadn’t believed it. Kibum was completely stunned into silence. His grandfather, who was usually too important even acknowledge his existence more than 3 times a year, just didn’t _believe_ that Kibum was capable, didn’t believe that it was possible his flesh and blood could like men. Or, more likely, refused to believe. He’d begged Kibum to tell the tribunal the ‘truth’, that the pictures were taken without his knowledge or consent…

And Kibum had caved. It was the worst thing that he’d ever done, all to cover up something that he wasn’t even ashamed of. He hadn’t been able to look Captain Nam in the face as he gave his ‘testimony’. And even though later the captain had told him he understood why Kibum did what he did, he still felt awful. Nam had only gotten an extra year added to his sentence. Kibum had saved his entire career… and his family’s honor, which was ~worth everything~. Maybe it was justified? Still. It was horrible, and Kibum was still so fucked up and ashamed about it all that he’d never even told Minho or Jinki what’d really happened.

Soowook probably assumed that his grandfather had meddled with the jury. He hadn’t… as far as Kibum knew, he didn’t need to. He’d just convinced him to commit perjury, and backed up by his good name, and enabled by the man he was accusing, they’d bought into it. But how Soowook knew about it all in the first place? Kibum collapsed against a nearby tree, overwhelmed for a moment by the thoughts buzzing around inside his head. Of all the things he thought he’d have to deal with today, the imminent destruction of his career and bloody Jonghyun’s safety were _not it_. Kibum was no fool. Soowook really would continue to harass them for as long as they were together, he was that kind of unhinged. The only safe thing to do was to remove some of his leverage and to do it convincingly… to do it for real. This would hurt now… but Jonghyun would thank him later. If he ever figured out what had happened.

 

❀

 

Jonghyun wasn’t paying attention to the exercise. He was totally absorbed in his little notebook, idly scribbling down tunes and lyrics as they came to him… which was probably how someone managed to sneak past him so easily. He didn’t even clock the intruder until he was stepping into the room behind him.

“Fuck who’s—!?“ He jumped around at the faint noise, dropping his writing and scrabbling for his weapon to defend the checkpoint. “—Oh Bum?” He beamed, happy that he hadn’t messed up and lost the game already, a little scared that he might get told off for being bad at the game anyway… ready to make up for it.

Wait… Kibum was wearing a face like stone. Jjong gulped. Ah, ‘The Captain’ was here… he was in big trouble…

“~Kibum?” He turned up his charm as he got up to approach the implacable figure by the door. his best and only way of wriggling out of a telling-off. It was worth a try seeing as no one else was in sight… That was if ‘the captain’ was in the mood to mess around in the first place.

Except now that he was closer, Kibum really looked a bit off… Even more so than usual.

“Kibum, are you okay?” He looked that captain up and down. Kibum seemed tense, as if he were trying to bite something back. Whether it was repressed rage at him, or something else… “Tell me what’s wrong. What’s happened?” Jjong asked, truly worried now as he reached out for him…

Kibum let Jonghyun kiss him, fighting his instinct to respond to his coaxing, hoping that Jjong would just realize that he wasn’t moving and back away.

“Bum? You’re scaring me. What’s up?” He was beginning to get agitated, his big eyes darting over the captain’s features, trying to read them.

Kibum steeled himself, standing to attention and balling his hands into shaking fists at his sides. “I’m so sorry, it’s over.”

“What do you mean?” Jonghyun had no clue how to react. It hadn’t occurred to him that Kibum would want to break it off… Everything had been going so well…

“I’m sorry Jonghyun it’s over.” Kibum repeated himself with more conviction, before his heart had a chance to catch up with his brain. He couldn’t expose Jonghyun to the risk. He wasn’t worth it, Jjong could find someone else, someone back in his civilian life. Someone that would be better for him anyway.

“No.” Jonghyun refused, shaking his head in disbelief.

‘It is.” The captain insisted.

“Kibum no. You can’t mean that. Why? What’s bought this on?” He tried to pull the captain towards him, but he wouldn’t budge from where he stood or turn his head towards him. “Kibum, just kiss me... Kibum _please_.” Jjong begged, more and more desperately as it sunk in just what the captain was doing.

_“I SAID IT’S OVER JONGHYUN.”_

Jonghyun jumped back like he’d been stung, recoiling at the captain’s anger.

“Don’t ask me why.” Kibum turned to leave. “It just is. It’s for the best.”

And Jjong was left in the doorway, staring after the other’s retreating back. “But Kibum… I— I’m— I _really like_ you.”

It took everything Kibum had not to run back to him. But he couldn’t. He made sure his tear-streaked face was hidden from both Jjong and the tower as he walked away. _And I really liked you too_.

 

❀

 

 


	13. Thirteen

**AN: Gamsiin is a completely fake mountain, but I borrowed[elements of real ones](https://imgur.com/a/reGat4S).** **The name means guardian, just because.**

 

**❀**

 

Jonghyun paused on the stony scree and breathed in, letting the warm spring air fill his lungs to the brim. He ran his thumbs under his wide, padded straps of his pack to take the strain off his shoulders for a second. He could actually feel himself beginning to overheat in the light of the sun for the first time in how long? And he was surprised to catch himself basking in it. He’d always believed that Winter was his favorite season, but nowadays he spent so much time outdoors, instead of among the neon lights of the city bars he thought of as his home, that he’d grown to resent the sun’s absence during the day without noticing it.

He looked out towards the sinister, snaking line of the DMZ below. He couldn’t properly make out the coiled wire fences from up here, but he could clearly see the barren strip of land beyond them, marking the beginnings of the North. He and the platoon were carefully zig-zagging their way up an exposed section on the eastern slope of Mount Gamsiin, catching the last of the morning rays as they picked their way up and around to the shadowed side of the mountain. The warm rocks beneath their feet were loose and unstable, with only stringy little plants poking out here and there to hold them into position. Tiny brown lizards skittered over and in between them and dashed underneath their feet. Jjong was rather worried for them. Each time he put his foot down they only scattered a split-second before it landed, and every now and againone of the solidiers would stumble and trigger a little rock-slide, which, to the lizards, must have seemed like the whole world was coming crashing down on top of them.

They’d started the day well before dawn. Driving out on the bumpy gravel road to Watchtower 134, where they’d briefly greeted the weary looking guards, and then struck out, up the mountain, to check out some malfunctioning observation mast or something. They were to climb to the top, make camp for a couple of nights whilst the techies did their thing, and then climb down the other side to be picked up by from the next watchtower along by the delivery convoy.

Really Jonghyun didn’t care. He hadn’t listened very closely to the official briefing, having no desire to hear, or even to look at, the captain. The important points were that a: someone needed to go, and b: he might not want it to be him going, but he didn’t get a say in the matter. There was nothing else to it. The only person who did have a say in whether or not he was there, was Kibum, and wasn’t that ironic?

To be fair, Jjong knew Kibum had decided _ages_ ago that their squadron was one of the two and a half coming on this exercise. He knew that Kibum wanted to spend some time with Minho before the sergeant was discharged. And at the time Jonghyun had called him a liar, teasing the captain for finding excuses to get him alone in a tent under the stars. But that had been before Kibum had cut him loose and spat on his feelings without offering so much as an explanation or even a thanks for the great sex. Jonghyun might have felt better about it if he’d shown at least some regret, but his public attitude towards Jjong had not changed and inch. When he wasn’t acting as if the private didn’t exist, he was acting as if his existence was a waste of a uniform.

Jonghyun felt like he didn’t understand anything anymore. He’d always tried to keep sight of the fact that his relationship with Kibum wouldn’t last forever, but it’d never crossed his mind that Kibum would throw him aside so coldly or so abruptly as he did. Should it have done? Was he even human to the captain anymore? It wasn’t like Kibum himself wasn’t a human with human feelings, or at least Jjong had thought… He’d been having his doubts after watching the man going through the motions of command like a robot for the past two weeks… But had his brain been _that_ fogged by infatuation that he’d missed something vital? Some clue about what Kibum was _really_ like? And yet, the whole reason their squadron were up here was that Kibum _cared_ about Minho, so there must be a beating heart in there somewhere… Just not, just not for him…

Stupid Minho… Of course Jjong cared about him leaving too… But still — fuck Minho! Jonghyun almost couldn’t wait for him to go, so then Dongmin could take over the squadron and the captain would have no reason left to pay their team any extra attention.

Jonghyun shook his head to try and clear the negative thoughts from his mind. He didn’t want to get stuck in the wrong mood. It’d do him no good now. Instead looked to the others for an escape from his sudden slide into bitterness, and he turned his attention to Jinki and Taemin climbing just up in front. The younger soldier looked on edge and ready to flee at any moment…

“Don’t make that face Taemin, it’s only a little centipede!”

“It’s creepy.”

“Exactly! Isn’t it brilliant?!” Said Jinki, brandishing the poor invertebrate at him.

“Hell no! It’s creatures like that which make me question my faith in a benevolent God.” Taemin was gawking at Jinki as if he were a dangerous madman. “Don’t you dare bring it any nearer!” He squealed.

“But Minnie~ The centipede is a noble and important creature. Traditional medicine has used it for centuries to heal seizures and headaches and tetanus and—“

“Yeah well traditional medicine is wrong!”

Jinki put his best ‘earnest doctor’ face on. “Not necessarily. Researchers frequently look to traditional cures for new ideas. This centipede would probably be very beneficial to your health… Actually you’re looking a little peaky—“

“Don’t you fuckin—“

“Private! I suggest that you stop cursing at your senior officer… Just shut up and let him feed you the damn bug!” Chimed in Minho from further above, where he was walking alongside the captain.

Taemin looked like he was going to be physically sick.

“Don’t scare him too much!” Jinki called up. “Or I’ll have to treat him for trauma!”

“Which bug essence cures trauma?” Asked Minho helpfully.

“None. But I could probably find one that’d get him high enough to forget all about it.”

There was a pause in the laughter. _“_ Wait — seriously?”

“Mmmhmm…”

Damn. Jinki, a man of hidden depths. Jonghyun thought fondly as he watched the doctor gently setting the bug down and waving goodbye to it as it trundled off under a boulder.

He spotted Jonghyun watching him as he looked up. “You alright Jjong?”

“’m fine.” He lied.

Jinki didn’t seem very convinced, patting Jonghyun on the back and giving him a wink. “Sure~. You look like a defeated man Private, a defeated private man… If you catch my drift.”

Jonghyun coughed. Not really wanting to discuss the subject, especially not if the doctor was going to try to cheer him up… or prescribe insects to heal his broken heart. “…So Captai—“

“—Jinki.” He cut in. “Don’t think you can get away with putting walls up like that my friend.”

Jonghyun sagged, he hadn’t meant to… And who’d let Jinki go on that psychiatry course anyway? Shouldn’t the regiment have a proper counselor? “Have you been up here before?” He asked, keen to get onto a neutral subject nevertheless.

The doctor thankfully chose to ignore the deflection and squinted up at the distant peak through his glasses, “Err… Maybe?” He said, trying to scratch his head through his helmet. Jonghyun tried very hard not to be cheered up by Jinki playing the fool for his sake. “Most mountains sort of look the same when you get up this close.”

“… Yeah right.”

Jinki grinned back at him. “You got me. I did my first exercise up here too. It’s alright, a bit of a climb but it’s sort of worth it.”

It wasn’t until after lunch that Jonghyun found out what he’d meant. Once they’d finally reached the top of the scree they began to pick their way through a curious wooded valley, cut off from the view, or from anything really. It was much colder now that they were out direct sunlight, and Jjong could feel a welcome chill in the air again after the harsh heat of the slope. The ground was still rocky, but stable, level and running gently with crystal clear water from the melted snowcap. Short, ghostly trees covered the path, stunted and bent by the wind, yet the whole effect was strangely beautiful and refreshingly different to the monotonous lower peaks and valleys he’d grown used to back around the base.

From there, they followed the vague route of the stream in near silence, until they reached its source, a sheltered gulley under a cliff, with denser vegetation growing around the edge a of a mossy glade, and a spring bubbling through it’s center. Jonghyun could tell just by the familiar feel of the place that people had stayed there many times before, and he wasn’t at all surprised when Kibum had called them to a halt and ordered them to set up a camp there, whilst he left and took a small group further on up to scout the summit.

 

o ᚂ

 

After they’d set up the big group tent, darkness fell and the platoon huddled themselves together around the fire. They didn’t strictly need it. They had perfectly warm sleeping bags inside, and their rations were the black-magic, weight saving kind which heated themselves when you pulled the packet open. Nevertheless, someone had built the fire whilst waiting around earlier, and the newly returned Kibum had huffily conceded that it’d be a waste not to light it. It crackled and popped cheerfully, and cast that special orange glow, which bewitches its audience and makes them feel as if the world outside its small circle of glinting light, is no longer really there.

“So did you see anything interesting up top?” Jinki asked between stuffing in mouthfuls of rice.

“If you were interested then you should have come up yourself lazy.” Replied the captain.

“I’ll come up tomorrow.” He grinned back.

Kibum wasn’t very impressed. “Come? No, we rank equally, you’ll go and play supervisor tomorrow, whilst I stay down here.” He left the, ‘so you can keep an eye on Jonghyun for me whilst I sulk.’ part out, but by the pitying look in Jinki’s eyes he could tell that his friend had caught on.

He’d already told the other two that it was over between them, because, well he’d figured that between them they’d work it out anyway… But he’d chosen to withhold the reason, preferring to let them make their own assumptions. He didn’t really have a solid reason why. On the one hand, he told himself that if they knew, they’d try to meddle and only make it worse. On the other, telling _them_ the truth, and not Jonghyun, would be such a betrayal of trust that it’d almost be like breaking up with him for real… Not that they hadn’t broken up for real…

He stared dolefully into his ration packet. Maybe he still wasn’t ready to accept that he’d broken up with Jjong for real. He didn’t expect Jjong would want him back now anyway, he looked at him with nothing but hatred… _real_ hatred, not like when he’d first arrived and he just disliked him, _personal_ hatred.

Lieutenant Soowook butted in, “That’s not strictly protocol sir—“ And was duly ignored by both captains.

“— Okay then. You stay down here, and I’ll go up… But I’ll be looking for leopards, not giving practical advice on fixing antenna.”

“…You know nothing about the antenna anyway…” Grumbled Kibum, semi-exasperated. “That’s what the technicians are here for anyway.”

“Hold on Jinki… Sorry, sir… But Leopards?” Asked Taemin, childishly intrigued by the idea of fearsome carnivores prowling the mountainside, rather than terrified like Kibum thought any sane mad ought to be.

“Yeah, leopards.” The doctor nodded, shoveling in more rice. “Apparently, because of the DMZ, there are so few people round here that they’ve started coming back.”

“Yeah coming back to pull you out of your sleeping bag in the night and eat you!” Joked Private Seungdae, who was met by a volley of empty ration packets being flung at him from the other men, _“Shut the fuck up!”_

“Hey!” Taemin, brightened up. “We should tell scary stories.”

“Hell no.” Kibum shut him down. He just was _not_ in the mood… And it was that, and totally not that ghost stories made him even more jumpy than usual. No.

“Ohhh don’t be a party-poop…” Moaned Minho. “…err, Captain, Sir.”

“No.”

“I think that’s a great idea Taemin.” Jinki betrayed him. “…And seeing as I and Kibum rank _equally_ …” He grinned mischievously, “I say that we should.” Traitor.

Everyone cheered so enthusiastically that Kibum had to give in. Traitors all of them. “OK, but no zombies, demons, axe murderers or creepy children.”

“I have an appropriate one about a leopard.” Minho suggested helpfully.

“OR those.”

“Yes, the one with the leopard please Sergeant! Sounds very apposite.” said Jinki. “Don’t look like that captain.” He winked. “No leopard would ever come near us, they’re shy and there are plenty of other things for them to hunt… And if it did… Well, there are over 20 of us and we all have guns.”

Minho looked to Kibum for approval, which he apparently somehow managed to infer from his look of utter _dis_ approval, because he began to tell the tale anyway in his best ‘sinister’ voice, holding a torch under his chin to cast creepy shadows under his frog eyes and wiggling his fingers like a loon: “~ _THE CURSE OF THE LEOPARD!~”_

“You are such a drama queen, get on with it.”

[On the other side of the campfire Jjong snorted despite the stab in his chest, because the irony of that statement coming from Kibum was really something else.]

“Ahem… Once upon a time, long, long ago there lived a hunter—“

_“—What kind of beginning is that? This isn’t supposed to be a fucking fairytale!”_

“As I was saying… there lived a hunter, NOT in a far away, magical land, but right around here… But in the past… When there actually were leopards, not ones that Dr Jinki had made up.”

“I didn’t, it’s published in journals, other people have seen them.”

“Drunk locals maybe. How would they even get past the SLL fence?”

“…It still wasn’t me who made them up though was it?”

“Fine… _BACK_ when there definitely actually were actual leopards...” Minho looked around for any other potential hecklers, but finding everyone suitably attentive he continued. “The hunter was a poor man, living off what he could shoot with his own bow and arrow up in the high mountain forests. One day he was stalking a deer, creeping closer and closer to his prey, until he came across a gigantic leopard that had the same goal in mind. He was going to leave it be, knowing that it is bad luck to shoot a leopard in the back, but the leopard heard him coming and attacked him. However the brave hunter managed shoot the leopard in the heart as it pounced at him, and he didn’t die that day…”

“Minho this isn’t scary.”

“Patience Taemin, I’m still setting the scene.”

“Yeah, badly.”

“…Anyway. All the hunter had to show for his troubles was a dead leopard and no deer, so he shrugged and decided to make the best of his situation. He took the leopard’s fur and wore it home, down the mountain. When he got to town everyone he met admired the beautiful pelt, saying that he was brave to have killed such a fearsome beast, and the hunter grew proud. He sold the fur to a merchant for 20 times what a deer carcass was worth, and he went back to his house a happy man... That night his wife told him that there was a strange spot on his back, but he ignored her, because he could not see the spot.

Kibum rolled his eyes… As if it wasn’t obvious exactly where this was going. Minho seriously lacked creativity at times.

“The hunter and his family lived off the money from the leopard’s skin for weeks, but eventually the hunter had to go back up the mountain to hunt for deer again. This time, once more, he saw a leopard, but this time he shot the creature dead without thinking twice, because he knew now how much its fur was worth in money. He took the leopard skin back into the town, and this time he sold it for 30 times the price of a deer. That night his wife told him that he had grown another spot on his back.

_“OoooOOOooooo”_

“Shh ~Guys!…”

Kibum snuck a covert look at Jonghyun to see if he was reacting to Minho like the others, his gaze softening as he saw the private totally absorbed in watching the flames flicker in the fire, knees drawn up to his chin and his head still cocked to one side to listen. He looked away quickly before anyone could notice, or more importantly, before he could get sentimental enough to think things he’d regret later.

“As time passed the humble deer hunter became a leopard hunter, learning their ways and habits and chasing them further and further up into the mountains. He also grew rich and disdainful towards the other hunters and taught only his son how to hunt the leopards like he did.

One day the hunter and his son were camping far out in the mountains. There were so few leopards left near their village that they now had to walk for days to find their quarry. The son was sitting alone by the campfire, just like we are now, whilst his father was off in the bushes somewhere relieving himself….” Minho paused so that the men could give their predictable sniggers. “Then out of the darkness came a terrible leopard! With rolling eyes and piercing claws. And as it pounced on him, the son killed it dead with one arrow, just like his father had done with the first leopard years before.

“Father” cried the son “Father? Where are you? I have killed my first leopard. Are you proud of me?” But the father didn’t answer and the boy was worried. He looked around, but he had no light to see with. “Father!” He called again and again, but no answer came. What if the leopard had killed his father just before he’d killed it? The boy could do nothing, so he went back to the fire, kicking the corpse of the terrible leopard as he went past.

The next morning his father still hadn’t returned, and the boy went out to search for him. He searched all day and he still could not find him, he searched all the next day, and he still couldn’t find him, and the next day and the next. Every day he searched and every night he came back to the camp to kick the corpse of the terrible leopard, because there was no doubt in his mind now that it was the leopard who had killed his father. Eventually the son had to give up. He’d never been taught how to hunt for food and he couldn’t remain on the mountain any longer.

He looked at the dead leopard contemptuously and decided to take it’s skin. He wanted the skin of the beast that had killed his father, so he got out his knife and began to cut it away… but as he peeled back the skin he noticed something strange, the flesh beneath was not that of a cat… it was the rotting flesh of a withered, wrinkled old man…”

There was a pregnant pause…

_“…. Well that was disgusting.”_ The men erupted.

_“WTF CHOI?!”_

_“OH god I’m never going to sleep now.”_

_“That wasn’t even scary, it was just gross!”_

Minho just laughed gleefully at the uproar he’d caused.

_“Your fucking laugh is scarier than whatever the fuck that was. Next time just tell jokes.“_

 

**❀**

 

Despite being bone-tired from the hike, Jonghyun couldn’t quite float off to sleep. He kept twisting fitfully in and out of that certain realm of consciousness, where he felt both separate from the world, and hyper-aware of every breath and rustle around him. He could still hear the echoes of the men talking earlier in his head, an unstoppable chatter rumbling around the edges of his mind, trying to trick him into thinking that the might still be fully awake. He could hear the snap and crackle of the dying embers in the fire, threatening to drift off on an errant breeze and catch light to the forest… And above all he could hear Minho’s snoring, not even the largest earplugs the PX stocked could block that shit out. He sighed and decided that in lieu of sleep he might as well go and outside and wait for the dawn, and maybe the unlucky soul on watch could keep him company for a while.

The watchman was standing alone by the fire, their familiar silhouette outlined in yellow by the fading glow… He knew he should have stopped then. The Captain may well not be pleased to see him, scold him for going outside the tent. Yet he couldn’t help but drift forwards, into the circle of flickering light. Maybe this was the right time to talk. Maybe this was his only chance for them to talk.

“What are you doing out here? You’re supposed to be resting.” Kibum smiled at him in a way that was uncannily serene, as if the night had blurred away all the sharp edges from him.

“I can’t sleep...” Jonghyun replied. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

“And yet it’d seem I am.” Kibum shrugged and raised his arm. “Maybe you’re wrong about not being able to sleep as well.” Jonghyun’s gaze followed the outstretched finger to the opening of the tent, it seemed to have gotten darker and further away since he’d left it. “Go back to sleep Jjong.”

“I can’t.” Jjong insisted, stealing Kibum’s outstretched fingers from the air to entangle them with his own. “ I have insomnia anyway, and out here it’s not like I can take anything for it.”

“I know it hard for you, but at least _try_ to sleep.”

“Know?” Jjong’s brow furrowed. “I’ve never mentioned it, and we never spent a night together Kibum.” Maybe he’d been reading files again?...

Kibum drew away from him and looked down at his feet to avoid meeting his gaze directly. “I wish we could… I’m sorry Jonghyun… That we can’t…”

The captain said it so sincerely that Jonghyun couldn’t resist his impulse to lean over and kiss him. His lips never landed.

Kibum was already behind him, tugging him away from the firelight.

“What’s this?”

“Well, if you’re going to stay…” He hushed him, with a mischievous glint in his eye, all calm solemnity now forgotten. “I have something I can show you—“

His feet seemed to glide of their own accord and Jonghyun allowed himself to be led across the stream in the center of the camp, and around the far side of the cliff to a hidden path hidden by dark bushes. Kibum moved effortlessly through the undergrowth, unbothered by the thorns and twigs that pulled at his clothes, hitting Jonghyun in the face as the sprang backwards behind him.

“Ouch! Fuck.”

Kibum suddenly stopped dead and turned around. “Close your eyes.” He ordered.

Jonghyun rolled them first, but did as the captain said after he was given a stern look, and once he’d obeyed, Kibum took his hand and led him further on.

Now that he couldn’t see, Jjong could tune into the noises in the background. Silence… apart from the wind in the trees and the slowly increasing sound of rolling thunder, getting closer and closer with every thudding step they took, until it had become so deafening that Jjong thought they must be floating, adrift in the middle of a storm cloud. He could feel mist in the air, flecks of cold water settling on his cheeks like faint little kisses, until they bled into Kibum’s smooth lips landing softly on his own, stealing away his fear.

“Ok, you can look now.” He said smugly.

And Kibum was right to sound pleased with himself… The view was truly beautiful.

They stood near the top of a huge waterfall Jjong thought he’d caught sight of in the morning. The moonlight sparkling as it fractured off the falling water, pouring itself into a silver pool, before cascading off again to another drop, further and further down into the darkness.

“Do you like it?” Kibum asked, his eyes silently pleading for approval.

Jjong giggled, feeling giddy, whether from the height or from Kibum’s closeness he didn’t know. ““Of course I like it… It’s almost as pretty in the moonlight as you are.”

“You shameless, cheesy bastard!” Kibum said, his jangling laugh joining Jonghyun’s in the roaring fog.

“You take me to a secluded, moonlit waterfall… and you have the audacity to call _me_ cheesy?”

“Yes.” Kibum placed his hands on his hips. “I took you here because I knew that your cheesy self would appreciate it.”

“…Well you weren’t wrong.”

“Well good.” There was a pause whilst they looked each other up and down, neither wiling to make the first move for some reason. There was usually no holding them back from each other, but Kibum’s admission that he had done something _for_ Jonghyun was just… unusual.

“Are you about to tell me that you love me or something?” Jjong teased.

“No. Who do you think I am? I’d never desert my post just to tell a private that I loved them…” Jjong felt his heart sink for no particular reason. “…I’m about to tell you to get on your knees.” The captain smirked, and all was forgiven.

“HAHAHHaha. Bum no~”

“Shhh, not so loud” Said Kibum, fumbling to cover Jonghyun’s mouth with his hands.

Jjong relapsed into giggles again, sweeping the captain up by his narrow waist and nuzzling his neck as he tried to grapple with him. “No one’s going to hear anything from all the way out here, not over the water.” He said, biting down and running his hands southward to squeeze Kibum’s ass.

“Well that _was_ part of my plan obviously.” Kibum replied, grinding into Jonghyun with his sharp hipbones and pushing him up against the cliff face.

“So can I make a noise then?”

Kibum kissed him firmly in response, shutting him up. “Okay, but no screaming. They still _might_ hear you in the tent.” He whispered before licking along the seam of Jjong’s lips to get them to open as they entwined themselves together against the cliff face. The sounds of soft panting and spray taking Jjong’s mind straight back to the first time they’d shared in the shower. It seemed like a lifetime ago, but in reality it wasn’t even 3 months. How much had changed since then. Everything, everything and nothing… How much he wanted the man who was currently nipping along his jaw was exactly the same as—

Jonghyun flinched as some of the spray his nose.

“Shhh.” cooed Kibum “Don’t mind that. Stay with me.”

It happened again. The water tickled.

“Jonghyun. Ignore it, it’s nothing. Don’t let it distract you.”

His voice was getting fainter, overtaken by the falling water.

“Jonghyun?—“

“ _JONGHYUN”_

_“Jonghyun, wake up you mad bastard. You’re sleeping under a leak.”_

**❀**


End file.
